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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 5
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 3:50 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's true that she just messed herself up for court -- she's off work and won't take her sick child? OMG!


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1952 | Registered: Jan 2012
SwitchedOnLotus
♀ Member
Member # 25902
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The issue of gun safety may have been dealt with in the PM, but as a longtime reader of this thread, I wanted to quickly say hi and suggest a gun safety course for both kids. I am far more on the gun control end of the spectrum, but I still think it would be better for kids to know how to tell if a safety is on, what to do if a gun is left out, etc. Googling "gun safety course for teens," I see that the NRA , DNR, and various gun clubs all offer safety courses for kids. Learning that guns come with a strict set of rules for safety and that there are things one can do to be safe around guns might help for when they have to be at the other household.


BS - SwitchedOnLotus, 35
WH - 40 4 Month EA/ PA D-Day 1:7-2009/D-Day 2: 10-29-2009
11-29-09 Began R/9-02-10 A in past,M bttr thn B4
"It isn't what happens to us that matters, but how we choose to interpret it and react"

Posts: 518 | Registered: Oct 2009
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Vent:

Just had a nasty fight (one of the worst ever) with STBX on the phone. I thought she might be capable of discussing our home sale like human beings, fool that I am. I took a deep breath and recited my lines.

Soon enough she started blaming me for costing our children money by using attorneys and generally blamed me for everything.

With that, i just lost it. I screamed that if she had kept her legs shut, blah blah blah. That she is still blameshifting in such a vile, deluded way made me explode.

And then she hung up and continued to text me nastily. And then had the nerve to repeat that she doesn't want to use attorneys any more!!!!

I texted back, "We are done. Talk to my attorney."

I am trying to collect myself. When will I learn? I am upset that I lost control and did not just hang up on her when she started in. Or better yet, why did I call her at all...

Ok, gotta calm down and get back on the wagon.

On a brighter note, I put a lease-hold deposit on a nice home (that I can barely afford). It holds the house for thirty days. I hope by then our home will be listed and maybe even sold. (Homes in our neighborhood are snapped up.)

Walking into the home felt transformative; I could breathe... And my kids loved it and are very excited. Trying not to get my hopes up.



Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually, I'm sitting here applauding you letting that harlot know that she's going to need to be buried in a forked coffin! Yeah, you need to go NC with her and let your lawyer take care of the details, but I have to bet that you felt a bit better unleashing the honesty-beast!

Now, back to NC, eh?


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4549 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, AD, I wish you the best for a quick sale.

No phone calls, I would stick to email only. And sit on everything until you have an hour or two to think of a response.

Texting opens you up to knee-jerk responses.

You can't fix crazy.

(((AD)))

[This message edited by FaithFool at 5:08 PM, January 26th (Sunday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17098 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello, Faithful Followers...

So right before STBX and I met at the house to confer with a realtor, she drove up to the house I JUST put a deposit on to lease and take off the market. She was on the phone, no doubt trying to grab it herself! Too late!!!! MINE! :-) What a lowlife.

Met with realtor. We will sign with her within the week to list the house. (Fingers crossed.)

STBX was a total bitch to me. We nearly came to blows in front of the realtor.

As she was leaving I handed her my wedding ring. She stared at it and said, "You're giving me your wedding ring? Why?"

I kid you not.

I said incredulously, "What do you mean?"

She started crying and left.

W. T. F. ?


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's so unstable. Bolt those shields in place. Reinforce them yet again. The closer you get to the finish line, the nuttier that squirrel is going to get.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24372 | Registered: Aug 2011
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(that I can barely afford).

I worry about this. As much as it would piss you off to let her have that house, my main concern is for you to be more within your means (if possible). I would hate for you to run into a rough patch and totally not be able to afford the house.

As for her - don't look back. Eyes forward and continue to divert her attention to your attorney.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1683 | Registered: Sep 2012
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I put a lease-hold deposit on a nice home (that I can barely afford).

This worries me too.
Are you including her spousal support in your budget numbers? If so, please reconsider moving into this house. If you're relying on her SS to make ends meet, I guarantee you that you're setting yourself up for a lot more headache going forward.
Please make sure your new household budget is based on YOUR income alone. Anything she's supposed to pay you should be a "bonus", because you know she's going to dick you around every month. I'd hate for your credit to suffer based on her whims.


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6038 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I put a lease-hold deposit on a nice home (that I can barely afford).

Yes, I did crunch the numbers--without any money from her--and I can do it. At least for a year or so with a few extra classes. Then I plan to purchase a genuinely affordable home once the dust settles.

(And I managed to get a month's rent free, so that helps.)

Thank you for your concern, as always. You people are wonderful.

[This message edited by Abbondad at 3:54 PM, January 27th (Monday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Abbandad - As much as it pisses you off and ticks you off that she is not pulling her weight and being a mom, you are going to give yourself a coronary if you continue to try and and get her to be a mom.

You know she will not step up - so when things like this happen, just pretend you are a single parent (not a stretch i know) and move forward.

^^^^^^This is what I had to do. When XH finally was backed into a corner by the youngest 2kidd-it had been 6 years after the divorce. My youngest were 14 and 16yo.

He had no clue how to be a dad any more. That train had left the station along time ago.

Giving her your wedding band was a make-some-drama-move, IMHO, you could have found a less dramatic way to give the ring back or kept it or sold it and used the money for something for your kids.

She deserved some shit, I just thought you were beyond that.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4818 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are a college instructor if I recall correct? Is it possible for you to pick up an extra class or two to teach to add in your bottom line? I know some schools pay by class others not.

Just a thought, if not I would certainly offer myself up for tutoring of whatever your subject is that you teach, and are an expert in. Private tutoring, in the right neighborhoods, can make you more money than your current job. Especially if word gets out that you are awesome.

Hang on tight, I sense the crazy is going to ramp way up in the next bit.

(((and as always, strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7785 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Dad? You ok? Sorry, it's been a week since you have posted, and I was just worried that the thing you were married to has pulled something...


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5359 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, Devistatedmom,

Thank you for your concern! In my case, no news is good news. The latest:

STBX signed the contract to list the house! Huge relief. I doubt we will make any profit--likely we will break even--but that's fine with me. I just want out.

Tushnurse: Yes, I will need to bring in more money for sure. However, on my attorney's advice I should not take on any more courses for two years, as this would change my financial situation and could stir STBX to modify CS.

But I will advertise for private tutoring, which could net me even more than over-the-table courses with my college.

STBX has not yet found a job. In three weeks our Temporary Plan expires and I can demand once again financial support from her including back CS.

We had a garage sale this weekend, during which I had to spend five hourse in her company. I remained civil. At the end, she burst into tears as she threw out our wedding glasses.

Before she left, she tearfully said, "I want you to understand, I am done fighting. I am just done."

Translation: Please stop using attorneys so I can control the situation and dictate once again the terms of our divorce.

Silence from me.

The day before the garage sale, as we were packing, STBX called me "Honey." As though nothing had happened, as though nothing were happening. I could not ignore this, but kept my response to, "Excuse me, did you call me 'Honey'??!!"

To which she replied, "Sorry--'Abbondad.'"

And THEN abruptly pulled down her pants and sat on the toilet in front of me. Again, as though we were a couple and nothing out of the ordinary had transpired. I turned and walked away. She is so stunningly deluded and truly mentall ill. No, I do not believe these were conscious manipulations. This is typical of her odd behavior and always has been. Total obliviousness.

(I wonder if OM would be pleased knowing that his girfriend is calling another man "Honey" and pulling down her pants...)

I know some of you would advise me to kick her out of the house at this, but I really need to choose my battles. Right now selling the house is paramount. So I decided to swallow this BS and not make a scene in front of the children.

In any case, I am doing well, considering. The craziness will continue, I am sure.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD you did awesome.

I am not going to chastise you for talking to her, or letting her in the house. You know why?
Because you had complete and total control over the situation. You weren't going to be manipulated, and you certainly saw through her act which isn't really and act but her F'd up way of navigating life.

You were strong, and I bet it felt damn good to get rid of all the "married" junk, and make a few bucks in the process.

(((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7785 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder if OM would be pleased knowing that his girfriend is calling another man "Honey" and pulling down her pants

Would he even care?


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Soon enough she started blaming me for costing our children money by using attorneys and generally blamed me for everything.

Yep. Been there, done that. Something she has done has a consequence and she doesn't like it! Well tough!

I texted back, "We are done. Talk to my attorney."

PERFECT.

Abbondad-- I think I remember one of your first posts-- have you gotten to see your children? I think your STBX had taken them and was refusing visitation, correct?

I am so glad that you are in a better place. You will survive, and you will THRIVE!

Fingers crossed that you get that house.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 9:21 AM, February 3rd (Monday)]


Posts: 1332 | Registered: Jan 2010
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Abbondad-- I think I remember one of your first posts-- have you gotten to see your children? I think your STBX had taken them and was refusing visitation, correct?

I believe you may have me confused with Allatsea. Understable, since our stories and insane STBX's are cut from the same cloth. :-)

Thanks for your well-wishes!


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just catching up. Abbondad, you sound so healthy and strong. I know it's hard to keep up sometimes. I'm just so damn proud of you.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16270 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 3:59 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, Jrazz. Yesterday I was not feeling so strong, ironically. A very hard day: STBX came by with kids to help continue packing for the house sale. I realized I was becoming very emotional with what used to be my family in the house and ended up telling her politely to leave and come back when I am not there.

It is for the best that we sell the home, but very difficult as well, the life we built consigned to boxes and trashcans.

So she left--she knew why, as there were tears in my eyes (I don't care that she saw me in pain; if she feels powerful, whatever), the realtor came by and unceremoniously plopped a For Sale sign on the lawn of our family sanctuary, now in ruins. I wept for awhile, then went out for coffee, came back, pressure-cleaned the pool-deck, and went to sleep.

I feel better today.

I guess this ended up being a vent of sorts. :-)

I start moving into my new home at the end of the month.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
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