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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 5
debbysbaby
♀ Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

👍 👍 👍 👍


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 844 | Registered: Aug 2011
standingonmarble
♀ Member
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't fricken believe it! So glad someone won something against a woman like this.


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 737 | Registered: Feb 2011
mike7
♂ Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

indeed. well done. good luck on the future stuff.


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 516 | Registered: Mar 2013
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my gosh Abb!!!

Am so thrilled for you. I'm surprised you didn't get burned from the steam coming out of her ears!

You, and your kids, deserve this. Exclusive use of the home!! Love that for you.

Hope things calm down now for you.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1265 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
POed
♀ Member
Member # 2450
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you changed your locks before you left town.

Posts: 834 | Registered: Oct 2003 | From: St. Louis, MO
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am SO relieved. Passed STBX on the way out. She was white faced with fury. I said, "Bye!" airily. She would not even look at me, let alone respond. :-))))

I like this part. Well done!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9307 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great news AD!!!! Did you change the locks before you left? I hope so!


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4855 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
velveteer
♂ Member
Member # 30997
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow AD. I can't tell you how pleased I am for you and how proud of you I am for standing up tall in the face of some of the worst wayward bullshit I've seen here. Huge congratulations mate.


Divorced

Posts: 861 | Registered: Jan 2011
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, Everyone,

Having a great time far from the toxic madness. I did not have time to change the locks, as I was waiting for her to sign (we were all at my attorney's office). As soon as she did, I literally booked the first flight out and rushed madly to pack and catch my flight. I will change the locks as soon as I get home.

Seen from a literal and figurative distance, I still can't believe I have gotten this far and the "end"--such as it is and will be co-parenting with an NPD--is in sight. Whew.

Again, thank you all--this time for your heartfelt congratulations.

PS: it is official. She has moved in with OM. Less than four weeks after an intense hoovering. Psycho. Good luck with her, sucker.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1572 | Registered: Dec 2012
BAB61
♀ Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweet ABB!!!! So happy for you ... a great outcome!! Let OM deal with her crazy-ass shit ... maybe she'll just disappear ... one can only hope!


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe you could call a friend or neighbor and ask them to keep an eye on your place for you while you're gone?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9307 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wooooo Hoooooo AD!!!!!!!

She was white faced with fury.

What? Her tin foil KISA wasn't waiting outside on his rainbow skittle-farting unicorn to take her off to a far away happy place? Who'da thunk it??

You got this AD.

((((AD & kids))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2538 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sooooo awesome. Enjoy your weekend. I'm having a drink in your honor. You should do the same.

Congrats. You are finally seeing the outcome you deserve.

Bless you. I am so happy to see that sticking to what s right and sane and good for your kids is paying off.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7803 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
NewMom0220
♀ Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, January 18th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Best news I've heard all day. Yay!!!!


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 329 | Registered: Apr 2013
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, Everyone,

I'm back home and am beginning the next step--packing up and preparing to sell the house.

But my question: STBX has officially moved in with the OM. Maybe temporarily (until she finds employment and a new place) maybe not. So my kids are residing there half the time, which my DS at least is very distressed over.

Ultimately it seems there is nothing I can do. My attorney does not believe I should pursue this; it is a battle to skip. She has suggested I (calmly and maturely) ask to speak with him and express my concerns. Very hard, but it may be what I need to do.

My concerns are first the sleeping arrangements. I know he has only two bedrooms and two beds. My poor DS has to sleep on a pullout couch. STBX and DD (six) sleep in the same bed. I know, but that's a separate issue I am struggling with.

My other concern is that he is a gun-owner. He has a permit, and although he has been arrested, he cannot have a carry-permit here in Florida if he has been convicted of a felony, I believe. But of course I am still very concerned if there are guns in the home and not locked up. (My DS loves guns.)

Likely some of you will either tell me that he is going to lie, and I don't necessarily doubt it. To be honest, though, although I don't know him, I trust my STBX less to tell me anything but lies. And I cannot at this time express my concerns to her, as she will become very defensive and basically flip out on me. It is pointless.

Some of you will tell me to take the hardline approach and go legal or even contact DCF. But again, even my attorney believes it would likely be a pointless move. Difficult stuff to prove and to enforce. Just something I have to swallow.

(I'm not implying that either of these is advice I will not listen to.)

I am also tempted--if and when I meet him (maybe in an hour as I am picking up the kids from his place for the first time)--to inform him that less than four weeks ago, STBX hoovered me intensely I. Hopes,that he will kick her out and my kids can sleep in a normal place. But what's the point? Likely this will implode any way, and the strife it could cause in the interim may affect the children. Plus he may not believe me. It would just cause more drama.

Any way, this is another struggle in my journey and I wanted to get some input or just words of support.

Thank you!


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1572 | Registered: Dec 2012
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 6:29 AM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think you're going to be able to do much about all this.

As for the hoovering? Didn't you tape that with a VAR? You could play it back. BUT...why? Why do you want to break them up? Why do you want to stir it all up? Maybe chat to your IC?


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - my friend 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'


Posts: 758 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I picked them up and attempted to ask her some questions about the living arrangements and environment like a normal person and of course she was defensive. I asked her if he had guns. She replied angrily, "We will talk about this later." But I calmly asked her to answer yes or no. She acknowledged that he did. (Arms folded, face white with anger.)

I asked if they were securely locked in a safe. She said yes, except when he is carrying one. (Tough guy. He's a freakin nurse, not law enforcement--no offense to nurses.)

I don't necessarily believe anything she says, but there is nothing I can really do, and I think she got the message.

Anyway, I held it together and was calm.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1572 | Registered: Dec 2012
Betrayed55
♀ Member
Member # 32289
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi dad,
I've been following your thread and want to congratulate you -

You have come SO far, be proud of yourself!

Just wanted to comment on the gun issue. You mentioned he has been arrested at some point? And that because of that he can't have a permit for a gun? But he has guns? As a parent, I would be VERY concerned that my kids live part time with guns in the home.

Certainly if he had been arrested at some point your lawyer knows this and can advise? I know there are many pro gun folk. I am not one of them, and don't want to turn this into any kind of debate. Just my opinion.

The other thing I wanted to mention - I believe you mentioned on another thread that the OM had lost his job too? Is this true?

Again, you are doing great.


Posts: 145 | Registered: May 2011 | From: New York
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A Pro gun folk sent you a PM.

I totally understand your concerns, and have some words of wisdom, and suggestions as to how you protect your kids.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7803 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, Betrayed.

I am absolutely very concerned about the gun issue. Without getting into the gun debate (I tend to be in the middle, not that it matters in this case), laws in Florida are very loose. If you have not been convicted of a felony (and he has not been or it would've been picked up through the background check) you can own a gun. And carry one. And have them in your home. Nothing I can really do about it.

I have expressed concern to my attorney, and she shares it, but--believe it or not--the presence of guns does not constitute an immediate threat or danger to the children. He could just say that they are in a safe.

But I am not giving up on this issue and may very well pursue it. I have the feeling this is not over. I am again, VERY concerned. And I have expressed this to STBX (VAR'd), so at least it is "on record."

Even if I give the benefit of the doubt to OM, I do not feel at all comfortable with STBX, as she is utterly without boundaries or common sense. I can easily picture her opening the gun safe and saying to the kids, "Ok, you can look but don't touch. Oh, OK, you can hold it, but be careful...Duh, I don't think they are loaded..." etc.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1572 | Registered: Dec 2012
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