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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 5
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Alphakitte,

I would not bother with anymore mediation/agreements. It is a delaying ploy.

Verbally she may agree, but then she won't sign so don't bother. The only time you will get things settled is in front of a judge.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 660 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm thinking of simply calling her boss myself and see if she says anything. What do you think?

?i don't think you should put her boss on the spot.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 345 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have proof she was fired, or is currently unemployed?

I don't yet, but her attorney is filing a motion for continuance of trial (postponement) on the basis that STBX has lost her job and needs time to find a new one.

My attorney is objecting; they will appear before the judge on Tuesday. This is the same judge who struck down our plea to keep the Temporary Relief Hearing, which was because her attorney argued that it was unnecessary because the trial was so close to the Temporary Relief hearing!

And now he is going to ask that the trial be postponed!

The judge is not going to like this...

In other news:

My attorney has filed an objection to her attorney's deposition of my witnesses this Tuesday on the basis that they were served after the deadline for Discovery had passed.

STBX just texted me asking questions about the case, requesting me to call her as she "has a few questions." I texted back, "I am done discussing the case. Have your attorney contact mine if he/you have any questions. Just let me know if you are taking the dog this weekend."

No more games.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
LifeIsBroken
♀ Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stay the course, AD. And, FWIW, your atty can subpoena her employer for testimony at trial as to whether she quit or was fired. You're doing the absolute right thing by not talking with her about anything prior to trial. Once you've had your hearing and a ruling is issued, your life should improve considerably. Once the 'rules' are established (i.e., child support, SS, custody, your house, etc), you will need to follow those rules by not giving in to her every whim when she wants to alter or change something. Otherwise, you'll be asking for more drama from her and I think your drama bucket is pretty much close to full already.


Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 431 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Massachusetts
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it's difficult to relax, but no amount of thinking about this is going to change the outcome. Relax and let the attornies handle it from here. It's going to take the amount of time that the court system allows as STBX isn't going to do ANYTHING to speed up the process.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 345 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
Jeaniegirl
♀ Member
Member # 6370
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I were you I'd have someone call her job for an 'employment verification' and just say, IF asked, it's a general inquiry because she's making a major purchase which requires a normal
credit check and employment verification. That person wouldn't be asking for any personal information, just verification. I've taken many calls like that about employees working for me.

Personally I wouldn't take her word for it that she's 'fired' .... as she seems to be unable to tell the truth about anything.


"Because I deserve better"

Posts: 919 | Registered: Feb 2005
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I texted back, "I am done discussing the case. Have your attorney contact mine if he/you have any questions. Just let me know if you are taking the dog this weekend."

^^^^^^ yay!

It took you and I along time to realize that the people we were married to have morphed into someone else, and we are not the person who can "bring them back to reality". Your above response is a mature response.

One of my best days in the last 2 years was when someone posted on here that NC=No new hurts,and I was able to begin to heal... So, for today, you have no new hurts from her.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1959 | Registered: Jan 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBX submitted a last-minute offer that is outrageously unacceptable. I immediately rejected it.

Wish me luck at deposition tomorrow.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
betrayedfriend
♀ Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck Abbondad, remember to keep your answers short and sweet, don't offer any other information than what is asked for. You've got this. Not to mention you have 40,000 people backing you up:)


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 855 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Luck AD!


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 989 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be calm and be the class act that you have been throughout. Best of luck!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4568 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've got this brother. The advice you have been given regarding the depositions is spot on.

I wonder what her offer will be after the depositions. She is in some very deep stuff.

mojo for tomorrow. keep us in the loop

strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2543 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have done so well for so long. You truly have come so far since your beginning here. Keep calm, you have all of us in your corner. Huge, huge,huge mojo for tomorrow.


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1675 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've got this, AD!
Go seal get 'em, Tiger!!


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6065 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
mike7
♂ Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

not sure if you're up to this ABD, but now is the time to go for the jugular. I realize you are probably a nicer guy than me, but if I were in your shoes, I would ask questions about her mental health and her medical records, anything you can to bring her to her knees. Just leave her a quivering pile of gelatin. I know it sounds harsh, but you're doing this for your children. Your wife isn't your wife anymore and has proven she is the enemy of what you hold dear. Move in for the kill.


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 510 | Registered: Mar 2013
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 2:07 AM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take some pleasure and reassurance from the fact that every time you say no to her it pisses her off. If she gets angry you know you're in the right.

"How dare you fight for what's right" is her mindset

Let her keep digging and digging.

We're going through the same thing at the same time, you an I. Waywards are cut from the same cloth even when 3500 miles apart.

We'll chat over the weekend


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
HobbesTheTiger
♂ Member
Member # 41477
Default  Posted: 5:19 AM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Best wishes!


BxBf, 26
Lots of FOO&other issues, working it through therapy
Legal profession

Posts: 116 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Continental Europe
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 6:08 AM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Best wishes for calm, orderly thinking for today - I see it in your posts, you'll do fine today.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1959 | Registered: Jan 2012
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did she submit this to you personally or thru attorneys? I so hope she did it only to you and then you showed it to your attorney. Meaning she is not playing by any rules at all.

And if she did do it thru attorneys then her attorney must see how she is all over the place. Last minute job loss before final judgements is sadly seen on here ALL the time. And I say sadly because once again a WS will do this stuff to the detriment of everyone involved before giving up what they perceive is any kind of "control".

If she would have just done the right thing in the beginning of this whole thing it would have already been over with quietly and all parties although still wounded would be moving on to some kind of healing.

Sad.


Posts: 5607 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
betrayedfriend
♀ Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck today AD! Go kick ass!


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 855 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
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