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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 5
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Dad, I'm so glad you are almost there!!!! Sounds draining, but you got it all hammered out. Please tell me it's set nights she's to have the kids, and she just gives those nights up if she's out of town on her nights. You and the kids need that stability!!!

Hope you are doing something to relax and celebrate a little tonight. You must have stood tall today. I'm soooo proud of you and how far you have come!!!


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Woo HOO!!!!
How soon will it be before you know she has signed? That's gonna be the real day to celebrate.

You have done so well. Stay strong.
You will come out of this better, stronger, and happier.

Do something nice for you tonight, a good steak? A nice red wine?

(((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8707 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Way to go, Abbondad!

In the spirit of SuperDuperWonderBoy and Nature_Girl, I've found a .gif of the Lakers seeing the look on STBX's face after mediation:


Posts: 1733 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As long as we're posting images...


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 842 | Registered: Nov 2012
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTG brother. As others have already stated, I'm sure you'll see that percentage go up. keep documenting.

so when will the divorce be final?


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2984 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You did so well, look how far you have come.


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1777 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good on you!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4926 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yaaaaaay AD!

I admit that it feels petty, but I am somehow glad that she is pissed. She is reaping what she has sown, and she's not going to get away with lying about you and dragging you through the mud.

Victory laps tonight! You did so well!!


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17835 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
velveteer
♂ Member
Member # 30997
Default  Posted: 3:23 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow AD - this is just great to read. To think of where you were when you started on this hellish journey to where you are now - its just fantastic to have witnessed this.

Well done - be proud of yourself and take some time for you and the kids.

V


Divorced

Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 3:35 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like it went well. good for you that's awesome


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 678 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
BrokenDaisy
♀ Member
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 3:40 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've kept up with your story but never responded because others have so much more wisdom than I do. I jut wanted to respond now and say I'm glad you're this far already. I know I was so relieved when we finally had an settlement agreement. I hope your stbx keeps to it and signs. I know there's still much to conquer but this is such a big obstacle won. Good for you. I'm sure you're hurting too and that's normal. Keep hanging on. You're doing great. You're children are lucky to have such a dedicated and strong dad.

Well done abandondad. Much strength.


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems that it has worked out financially for you as well?

I believe I got the best deal under the circumstances--a decent amount of CS and just a little bridge-the-gap alimony until the house is sold. (Around six months. Even this she is angry about.)

But--and I don't mean to come across as falsely humble--it was and is never about the financial aspect. I could very well have taken her to court (which is still not off the table, pending her actually signing the damn thing) and gotten more. I want the kids to have a stable, predictable schedule over which she has NO control and can longer dictate. And I and my children got it.

Please tell me it's set nights she's to have the kids, and she just gives those nights up if she's out of town on her nights.

Absolutely she has the kids on set nights. I have them a few more school nights per month than she does, but that is fine with me. She has them almost half the school nights; no more weekend Mom. I don't believe that she "gives those nights up if she's out of town," but I do have First Right of Refusal if it's an overnight. And I will take them if it's an overnight (they wouldn't want to be with anyone else), and I will keep documenting, of course.

How soon will it be before you know she has signed?

My lawyer is drafting the settlement today, sending it to her attorney, so hopefully by Friday at the latest. We have NOT cancelled the depositions for Friday, so I am hoping that in the event she starts some nonsense, the looming "threat" of depositions (or more likely the financia cost, for her) will compel her to sign.

so when will the divorce be final?

Ha. You know, I never thought to ask! We still have to do QDROs on her 401K and my pension, I believe. But I am hoping it will all be wrapped up within thirty day.

Oh, and I got Exclusive Use and Possession of the house, and I will be changing the locks immediately. She has thirty days to get her shit out.

I am still a bit upset about the sale of our children's home. I don't want to live in it: I can't afford it, it's too big, and I have too many emotional ties to it. As my brother puts it, I am living in the graveyard of my marriage. But the kids will be upset. (I know I've been over this, but it still bothers me. I will do my best to make the transition exciting and them feel secure.)

Thank you for all your support!


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD
You have done amazingly well through this bit.
You are in control finally. Enjoy changing the locks today.
Don't forget to do the garage code too.

You do realize you will set the tone of how the kids handle the sale of the house, and honestly they will be a bit upset, but I doubt they will be as upset as you predict. Especially if you treat it happily, and as a new adventure in life they will take your cues, and also greet it as a new adventure.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8707 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD, I will be raising a glass in your honor this weekend! Congrats and I hope the remainder goes quickly.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1912 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and I got Exclusive Use and Possession of the house, and I will be changing the locks immediately. She has thirty days to get her shit out.

A. Freaking. Men!

I know that was one of the main sticking points.

It WILL be hard to move, AD; but you and the kids are going to be great. You could live in a cardboard box with those kids and they'd feel just as loved by you and secure because you're their dad!

Edited for spelling...

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 12:14 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)]


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,22 mo.& 2 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5078 | Registered: May 2007
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well Done Dad!!!!!

May you begin to relax and enjoy your new found peace in your home.

May your new home be a place of healing for you and your kids.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely she has the kids on set nights. I have them a few more school nights per month than she does, but that is fine with me. She has them almost half the school nights; no more weekend Mom. I don't believe that she "gives those nights up if she's out of town," but I do have First Right of Refusal if it's an overnight. And I will take them if it's an overnight (they wouldn't want to be with anyone else), and I will keep documenting, of course.

I am thrilled to hear everything you have posted. I just wanted to clarify this part....you have first right of refusal. To me, that means if she's going away for work and can't keep them 2 of her nights this week, you take them. She doesn't get to make those nights up later. So that means she "gives them up". Clarify it with your lawyer if you want...but if it didn't meant that, it would mean she would drive you nuts trying to make up 6 nights every month, and expecting you to jump and change the schedule all the time to accommodate....exactly what you don't want by having a set schedule. If she offers you the FRoR, she doesn't make those nights up.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

**standing up clapping for abb**

Great job!

Although moving isn't what you want, look at it this way, YOU get to pick the place, make it yours and your babies, AND she can't do a fuckin' thing about it!!!! YEAH!!

We moved across the country when I was young. Thought my world had ended. But you know what? It was the BEST thing our parents did for us! It may take a bit of time, but they will adjust. Just being with you will make it, oh so much, easier.

Good luck with her signing.

Sending strength.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1301 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 12:39 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't change the locks until she signs. You know you can't trust her.

Congrats, you have done so well. You hung in there when it was so dark and awful. I hope this brings lightness into you life. You are on the road to your new life. Think back how broken you were, how she could upset you and make the tears come. Now you are so much stronger. You are taking care of you the best way you can. That is a gift also for your children.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


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