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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 5
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD, YOU ARE SUPERMAN, and she is your Kryptonite.

This too shall pass. Contact with toxins will make you sick.

Big hugs. You'll get there.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17535 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's ok to cry. You've been doing so well. Have your moment..and let it go. This is only a setback if you let it be a setback. Mourn your loss,then pick yourself up, just as you've been doing.

Maybe I've missed it..but,if you can't change your locks, can you at least add another lock to your doors..and NOT give her a key? She doesn't live there..I would have a real problem if my ex felt free to come in and out of my house like that.

Oh..and did she ever confirm that she was pregnant? Has she told YOU?

Chin up, AD.

((((AD))))


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7693 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Exit Wounds
♀ Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just hugs Abbodad, just hugs.

Posts: 2486 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I
just burst into tears, missing the person I fell in love with, and find myself back to square one, just thinking, "How could she, how could she..." I'm sure I will get past this, but I hate that I still give her that power over me.

Mourning a loss is appropriate brother. Tears are natural. You are going to miss that person for a long time. The close contact with the physical shell of that person just brings the pain back into focus. You can and will get to the point where you realize, that person never existed.

I'm sure the woman you fell in love with would never do this. The person who you married could and did. Can they possibly be the same person?

Ponder that.

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2993 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay: we have our hearing date for Temporary Relief--December 17. I guess after this morning's talk STBX told her attorney I am not backing off the Temporary Relief hearing.

(Her attorney also indicated to mine that he is "moving forward with the Activision subpoena." Ooooo.).


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe I've missed it..but,if you can't change your locks, can you at least add another lock to your doors..and NOT give her a key?

I will do this after the hearing, when I have a court order to back me up. Until then I will do my best to avoid her and the drama. When I saw her car in the driveway this morning, I really should have turned around--but I thought the kids were there.

Oh..and did she ever confirm that she was pregnant? Has she told YOU?

No confirmation on this yet. I came very close to just asking her this morning, but I didn't and glad I held back; she probably would've flipped.

My attorney Emailed her attorney asking him to confirm or deny; all he has said thus far is that it is "not relevant."


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a freaking day. Now STBX wants to come over "to help DD with her project." (DD cried to her on the phone to come over and STBX let her go on and on working herself up and then told me she needs her mom.)

Sorry, no, I told her. DD will be fine. And she was, two minutes after she hung up the phone. I planned a movie night, her friend is coming over...

And it is at least half BS: she just wants another slice of family cake after snuggling the dogs on the couch this morning.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWIW, whether or not I was pregnant was a very big deal during our entire, drawn-out divorce. I was asked over & over again if I was pregnant, RIGHT UP TO THE DAY THE FINAL JUDGMENT WAS SIGNED! OMFG!!!!!!!!!

Dude, I am not a young woman to begin with. However, I'm going through menopause, the sheer shock & horror of DDay and subsequent DDays sent me into menopause. I haven't had sex in so long, I make every one of the people on "The Bus" in the NB forum look like rank amateurs by an order of magnitude. And yet I had to verify over & over that I was not pregnant. IT WAS WRITTEN INTO VARIOUS FORMS OF LEGAL DOCUMENTATION!

So don't buy whatever stock they're trying to tell you that your bitch STBXW's pregnancy or non-pregnancy is irrelevant. It's very relevant.

(And here's where we can do a little pre-emptive group prayer & good thoughts meeting for the man, should this ever happen and I don't know that it ever will, who next manages to convince me to youknowwhat. Because that man will need all the good thoughts & prayers possible, because considering how many years of pent-up Nature_Girl there are, it's very likely I will hurt him unintentionally. )


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
JustDone
♀ Member
Member # 9742
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I saw her car in the driveway this morning, I really should have turned around--but I thought the kids were there.

Where were the kids? Was it her time with them?

I don't think it's wise to be alone with her, even with the VAR.

Ugh.

Hugs!


Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past.

Nobody forgets what happens, the secret is learning to live with it.


Posts: 2795 | Registered: Feb 2006
philly172
♀ Member
Member # 19024
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Her attorney also challenged that STBX's pregnancy is relevant.

It most certainly IS relevant.. my EXH & I separated & a few months later I started dating my current H(WH) & I unexpectedly became pregnant (silly me thought *I* couldn't have kids when it was my EX) Anyway, when I went to an attorney to get advice I was told that until the baby was born XH could be named on the birth certificate & he could have to pay CS, even tho I told him (attorney) the baby 100% wasn't his.. he told me that it didn't matter as I was still legally married to EXH..

I used this to my advantage to speed up the D.. so I believe her pregnancy is very relevant as she could name you as the baby fathers thus giving you more legal headache to deal with...


"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

Posts: 4784 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

--I know that even if I get the house, STBX will never let it go, even with court orders. She will always consider it "hers" and will haunt and hound me for as long as I and the kids live there. She will not change. She has no boundaries.

This is going to happen anywhere you move.

I got the house, I promised my children this was a drama free zone, our entire property. XH has to wait in car -- pre our D decree.

Last week he brought OW to drop off something to our child. Yesterday I went to Magistrate's Court and got the paperwork for an Order Of No Tresspass which the sherriff will serve to her, with
No warning from me. I'm done dealing with them.

No matter where I move, it's gonna be the same, because they have no boundaries anywhere....and I will set my boundaries in stone.

I got the house in the D, I got the equity.. This last year my children and I have learned to adjust and get the D behind us. Now, I can breathe and maybe this year we will move.

I Am Never Letting OW move into this house with my XWH, it would f*** my kids up.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 6:15 PM, November 24th (Sunday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2215 | Registered: Jan 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where were the kids? Was it her time with them?

Justdone,

She had dropped them off at school several miles away from the home. Then she drove BACK to my/our home alone. I don't know if she thought I would be there or not.

I told my IC about this and she believes that STBX (whom she treated as a patient for many months) simply can't let go of her "other world." She put it in fancier psychobabble language, but the translation--she is attempting to continue to eat cake even as she has thrown herself into her "new life" with POS and new baby.

You know, I actually toyed with the idea of calling the AP to tell him his soulmate is in our marital home lounging on our couch and would he please tell her to leave--that this is disrespectful to him, that this is a form of infidelity to HIM?


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cant you just call him, and let him know that he lost his bitch, and could he please come get it? LOL.....

Sorry I just cracked myself up.



Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8714 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
standingonmarble
♀ Member
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe that is what you need to do, let him know when she is there camping out. She gave you the tool to do this, so use it. (him).

Did your therapist mention anything about STBX having "fatal attraction" tendencies?


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 738 | Registered: Feb 2011
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD, I think that's the first time I've seen you use new baby in a definitive tone. did you find out for sure?
how are you holding together? for me at least, when things begin to come together legally it seems like they fell apart emotionally. don't worry, it's just another dip in the roller coaster.

strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2993 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thinking of you Abb.

I LOVE the idea of calling POS and asking him if he's lost his bitch.

Awesome


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 721 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, get a photo of her car in your driveway and text the picture to him,, asking him what her fn problem is that she comes over and hangs out..

It might actually wake HIM up which might in turn wake HER up.!!!!

Not that you want her back, but it'd be nice for the kids to grow up with a mentally healthy mom....


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2215 | Registered: Jan 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, Everyone,

Just dropped DD at her mom's en route to the airport with DS. (Heading to NYC!)

Couldn't leave without one last parting trigger. All she said to me as I silently stared into space was "Abbondad, my mom is in the hospital again. This time it's her bowel."

I am sorry and i was close to her mom and spent many hours at her bedside during her numerous hospital stays, but I said nothing upon being informed of this.

It angered me:

My mom died of a bowel obstruction, and as she lay dying in the hospital, WW at her side holding her and my hand, WW was deep in her affair.

I'm sure any recollection of this--let alone the irony--was far from her selfish, cruel mind.

Shame on her.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
standingonmarble
♀ Member
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She did this to leave a mark on your mind while you were gone. Don't let this slip into your thoughts while you are gone. That's how they work, slipping in seeds of crap that take root and sprout when you are weak.

Have a GREAT time in NYC!!!


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 738 | Registered: Feb 2011
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shame on her indeed.

I'm so sorry, Abb...for your STBXWW's awful behavior and for the loss of your mom.

I also wanted to wish you and the kids a Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you can have this one day to enjoy yourself, relax, and overindulge in lots of food!

Lala

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 1:35 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)]


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,22 mo.& 2 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5079 | Registered: May 2007
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