Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: SoCalBoy (43217)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Help with myself
losingmyground
♀ Member
Member # 36070
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alright ladies...I was looking through his phone and saw an email to his cousin say "Can't right now...wife is on the rampage."

He is right. It was my first night off work after working 4 nights and taking care of the little one during the day. He had the whole weekend off, since football has ended and not one damn thing was done around the house by him or the older two kids.

The dishes are all theirs as I rinse and reuse my own. Front room is a disaster. The toilet is acting up and I was the only one trying to fix it on my night off while he sat on his butt. I did all the dishes and managed to cook dinner for everyone. Get the toilet to at least function enough to use.

All this after being told to get anything I need out of my car because the might being towing it away. All because of a stupid loan we took out to cover the gas bill because he lost his job.

When does it end. I did it all right before and was bitch slapped with an affair.

I don't like being the bitchy wife and I detest that he called me out on it to his family. I know, I know guys talk like that to each other. But I don't run to my family and friends when he is in a shitty mood.

What do I do to control this?


Married 13 yrs
3 kids 13, 10 & 1
I'm 34
FWH 37
Affair lasted 6 months
Ended 09/2011
Found out 06/2012
My father died during the affair
In the middle of Reconcilliation

Posts: 291 | Registered: Jul 2012
Area2
♀ Member
Member # 37797
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't know how to control it, just know you are heard and appreciated by someone who understands. I hate being characterized as a shrew when I think I've been exceptionally calm considering the circumstances. But this was happening long before DDay. In my case it's macho posturing to prove his manhood. Ridiculous, but nothing new and not A related. Hugs to you, you're lifting a heavy load.


Me: BW 50's
Him: WH 60ish
Married all my adult life
LTA, in limbo re: R

Posts: 71 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Eastern seaboard
emotionalgirl
♀ Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Drives me insane when WH sits on his ass when he is off and bitches how tired he is when I am doing all the housework cooking shopping etc. it never used to, we were quite old fashioned and I was ok with that, then......the EA happened. I went 180 hard. I let the house work go and moved to a different BR kept MY space and BR clean. Cooked only for me etc. When he complained I gave him a list if things he is now responsible for and told him that if he had time for the hoe of OW then he had time to do shit around the house!

Maybe it is time mom and wife went on strike! I am not sure of your kids ages but if they are old enough to cook and do their own laundry then leave them to it. WH as well! If you have little ones you take care of their basic needs, meals, clean clothes and love from mom but nothing else. You post a big sign that says " MOM AND WIFE ON STRIKE". You attach a list of your demands such as basic help with the house and until everyone, but especially your WH picks it up a bit. You stay on strike! You might actually end up teaching your older kids respect, hard work and appreciation out of it. In the end that is always something their future spouses will appreciate.

By the way their is actually a movie called "mom on strike". Good luck. (((Hugs)))


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 357 | Registered: Aug 2013
dameia
♀ Member
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if you can control it.

What you can do is find a time to tell him what you said here.

The dishes are all theirs as I rinse and reuse my own. Front room is a disaster. The toilet is acting up and I was the only one trying to fix it on my night off while he sat on his butt. I did all the dishes and managed to cook dinner for everyone. Get the toilet to at least function enough to use.

All this after being told to get anything I need out of my car because the might being towing it away. All because of a stupid loan we took out to cover the gas bill because he lost his job.

But you have to walk a fine line. You need to tell him calmly that you're feeling overwhelmed and taken advantage of. If you start yelling/crying, he's going to just play the victim again. He will use it to justify what he's been doing and saying about you.

I totally get where you're coming from. My WH and I actually had this same discussion last month. Of course, it started as a fight and the next day it was a calm discussion...but we got it out.


Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

"People who live in a glass house have to answer the door" -Karl Pilkington


Posts: 994 | Registered: Jul 2012
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just read this recently on here:

“Who does more? A common belief is that a person having an affair may not be ‘getting enough’ at home. But the reality is that he or she may not be giving enough. Contrary to popular wisdom, people are not as satisfied in relationships where they are ‘overbenefited’ as in relationships where there is more equity. In the most satisfying relationships, giving and receiving are balanced….
It’s easy for the person who is giving less to become involved with another person. Partners who give much less than they receive already have one foot out the door, so it’s not difficult for them to break the loosely held connection to their marriage. The more you invest, the more committed you are and the more attached you feel.” ~“Not Just Friends” by Shirley Glass, p.236

I also was the one who did everything around the house, took care of the kids, & worked outside the home, while WH had a cake job & spent every free second watching or going to the game.
I bet if we took a poll, many other BWs here would tell the same story------we allowed ourselves to be treated like doormats, but the resentment builds up in us, & so we get angry.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1097 | Registered: Dec 2012
losingmyground
♀ Member
Member # 36070
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. I am overwhelmed at this point. I hate carrying the whole load. I think it is time to put more of it on his shoulders or this is not going to end well.

I am just thankful for a place to vent and calm down before discussing things at length with him.


Married 13 yrs
3 kids 13, 10 & 1
I'm 34
FWH 37
Affair lasted 6 months
Ended 09/2011
Found out 06/2012
My father died during the affair
In the middle of Reconcilliation

Posts: 291 | Registered: Jul 2012
Topic Posts: 6

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.