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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: List of items
nomoreplease
♂ Member
Member # 32755
Question  Posted: 10:52 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, so this happened several months ago now, but I read something up in general that reminded me of it and Iím still really confused by it so I wanted to get others opinions.

Before the D (which she initiated), my XWW moved halfway across the country (long story) so I was lucky enough to get to pack all of her items for her. When I was doing this she gave me a list of items that she absolutely had to have (ok, fine). The thing that I simply cannot understand is that this list of only 20 items included her wedding dress (top of the list), the photo album of our wedding (second on the list), a copy of our wedding video, a box of mementos from our wedding, and copies of all of our other pictures and videos. Other than the last one, I was happy to get rid of these things, and even the last one is questionable in my mind. We donít have any kids, so she isnít saving them for that.

Can someone offer some insight into this thinking? Why so interested in mementos of something youíre so desperate to run away from? Or am I way off?


'one walks away saying "I fought to save God's ideal," and the other must always admit, "I fought to destroy God's ideal!"'

Posts: 380 | Registered: Jul 2011
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Possible Explanations:
she is broken
she is batshit crazy

you'll never be able to understand how she thinks, or why she does the things she does. SHE probably doesn't even understand what is going on in her own head.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3190 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex got weird about this stuff too, but he expected me to want it. I think it's an overcompensation, if they act sentimental about the D, they can hold on to the notion that they weren't thoughtless and detached in the M itself.

Posts: 3267 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
nomoreplease
♂ Member
Member # 32755
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she is broken
she is batshit crazy

When I think about it, I laugh because it is just so absurd to me, but the more I look at it I start to feel really sad for her.

I think it's an overcompensation, if they act sentimental about the D, they can hold on to the notion that they weren't thoughtless and detached in the M itself.
That really makes a lot of sense.


'one walks away saying "I fought to save God's ideal," and the other must always admit, "I fought to destroy God's ideal!"'

Posts: 380 | Registered: Jul 2011
lost4now
♀ Member
Member # 21634
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is simply crazy!!!

Not sure why she would want these items. Is she just trying to give you the impression that your marriage meant alot to her?? I don't know your story but perhaps she regrets her affair now but knows she can't go back. ????


BS - ME 43
WH 44
Married 20 years
DDay #1 12/28/07
DDay #2 9/18/08
DDay #3 12/28/08
Dday #4 11/18/10 (same OW)
Dday #5 8/22/12 (same OW)
2 beautiful daughters
"Love grows where it is nurtured and dies where it is not!"

Posts: 841 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: NJ
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A few weeks after S the sad clown asked me if I kept any wedding photos. I had returned all of them to him except a group one which is at the bottom of my cupboard. I told him just the one.

He then told me he has a photo of ME on my wedding day 'proudly on display for all to see'. Because I looked happy and content and he felt like like he made me that way.

WTF? I was so creeped out you can't imagine. I still am. Such a violation.

They are fucked up little bunnies - they can look at those photos because in their mind they were good husbands/wives who 'just fell in love' with another. You can't help being in love now, can you?? What slippery slope???


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5442 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Ex asked for a copy of our wedding photo as he was leaving our home - TO MOVE IN WITH OW!!!!!
I had separated all our photos and gave him the ones that I knew he'd want, snowmobiling, sailing etc. I didn't give him a single one of me and IF he noticed, he didn't say anything.

My theory is that they are scared what the future holds for them ( even though it was their choice) and seek the comfort of happier days. Your wife wants her wedding dress etc because it was a great day in her life. All little girls dream of their wedding.

I think they all have that moment of second guessing if they are doing the right thing, but once they move out, that passes.

Then again, maybe she is going to have a bonfire in the driveway,like I did.


[This message edited by Pippy at 3:00 PM, November 7th (Thursday)]


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9587 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Topic Posts: 7

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