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User Topic: What was the response you got when
♀ Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 4:05 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine said he never meant for it to happen. Yeah sure, over a year long A, sure it wasn't meant to happen.

He also said that he intended to tell me but wanted to wait as we were having such shard time with our newborn DD. I think it was me having the hard time whilst he was off galavanting with it.

Me, BS, 36 years
Him, xWS, 35 years
DS 3.5 years
DD 19 months
Together 8.5 years
DDay 27-01-2013
False R 04-02-2014
S 20-02-2013

[This message edited by dindy at 4:07 AM, November 7th (Thursday)]

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 4:20 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He did tell me he wanted a divorce. After he was involved with her.

He didn't know he wanted a divorce until he met her.

Well, turns out he was wrong he didn't want to divorce me, he wanted to divorce himself.

Changing partners does not change who you are.

"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie


Posts: 1425 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
♀ Member
Member # 35973
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"...because I still loved you and did not want a divorce. I did it so I could stay married to you, but I needed comfort and was bored with our sex life."

Fuck him!

M-13 yrs together 15 yrs, 2 DS 11 & 8
D-Day 20 May '12 WH confessed, PA 4 months 06/2008-10/2008 cOW
His A says nothing about me but everything about him

Posts: 239 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: UK
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He said, "I broke up with her - because I didn't want to lose you."

I said, "You were with her last night!"

He said, "Well, I guess, I didn't want to loose her either."

I said, "Well, what do you think is going to happen now?"

He packed up and moved in with her by the end of the day, left his ring on the stove, after 28 years. (Turns out - he'd already cheated on her before I ever caught him.)

Now the way that might have gone down, if he'd had an honest bone in his body and if I hadn't been so blindly, deeply, and naively in love with "the one":

"I couldn't tell you - you were 6 months pregnant, we'd only been married for 8, and we'd just paid off all my bills."

The truly amazing thing is - that I'm able to write that dry-eyed and matter-of-fact-like! Time does heal!

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4133 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me: Why didn't you divorce me or at least talk to me about this before the affair.

WW: You're right. I should have divorced you 2 years ago.

Me: WTF? This has only been going on for 3 months.

WW: Well I haven't really been in love with you for 2 years now.

Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me: If you hated me so much why didn't you just leave and go be with her?

fWH: I used to laugh when she'd make comments about me leaving you for her.

Yes, that still makes my head spin.

The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I never wanted to divorce you. I always loved you. I never considered that what I was doing would affect our marriage. I never connected the dots. I never even thought about it as an 'affair'. I wouldn't let myself think about it."

Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 785 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He simply said he didn't want to.

He thought that having an A and a viable M at the same time was a good idea. Because, you know, he was so smart and could get away with it. Ensuing discussions led to the fact that he still thought we were best friends (because we all treat our best friends like garbage and intentionally destroy them) and he didn't want to lose my insurance and pension benefits.

He was a cowardly delusional porn addict who had (and still has) an enormous sense of entitlement.

[This message edited by struggling16 at 8:43 AM, November 7th (Thursday)]

Posts: 723 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I only want to be with you"
"I love you and I cheated down, how could I leave you"
"She meant nothing, it was only twice and I faked it" yep he claimed he faked an orgasim.

Me BS 32
DDay July 13'
3 young kids

Posts: 303 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 40778
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He said he never wanted to divorce me. He never stopped loving me. I guess he just needed "extra."

Dday June 2013

"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I asked why he didn't just divorce me he said "I always loved you and the life we had. It was just this one piece (meaning sex) that was missing."

No douchebag, it was sex with me that became boring in your fat, middle-aged head.

BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1049 | Registered: Mar 2012
mrs. duped
♀ Member
Member # 28668
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH suddenly wanted a divorce when OW came onto him and he started his A, and he believed it would be an exit for him. During the A, out of nowhere (to me)he started talking divorce. When I would ask if he was cheating he would deny deny deny. After I found out I asked why he didn't just admit it if he wanted out anyway. He said, "I couldn't figure out how to tell you what a bad person I am." So he's basically a coward.

me: BW-36
him: WH-34
married 8 years; together 13 years
one dd=2 years old
3 month EA turned PA with coworker
D-day: April 19 2010.
Trying to R

Posts: 141 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: michigan
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW said (and I quote)

"I never intended to leave you. I was just having a little fling. I wasn't in love with him or anything, it was nothing. I was just having a little fun."

Later, when I said she was going to have to choose, she said,

"I choose you both. You are my two favorite people in the whole world."

When I suggested that I completely understood her feelings, but they might cause me to leave her, she was shocked. Shocked! That thought had never crossed her mind.

PS Despite this crazy, she did eventually get her head out of the fog, we did successfully R, and we are still together over 30 years later.

[This message edited by MoreWould at 11:23 AM, November 7th (Thursday)]

Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
♀ Member
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He said he didn't want a divorce and that he loved me, he just wanted me to notice him a little more...

Me: BW (55)
Him: WH (62)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1873 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
♀ Member
Member # 37629
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As if the A's itself aren't enough for us to deal with,you read these comments and it just makes you want to shake them ( or slap them silly)! Bunch of selfish cowards with screws loose. And we are suppose to deal with this????

BS 64
fWH 64
PA 22 yrs ago
Started as EA for 2 yrs then ONS CORRECTION Started as an EA for 8 years

Posts: 180 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: US
♀ Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup- never wanted to leave, still loved me- "it wasn't like that"-
Whatever. Glad he made that decision for us- so grateful he only wanted to sleep with someone else and call her girlfriend- I'd have been super worried if he didn't love me anymore. That was sarcasm- in case you didn't pick up on it.
Like I said- whatever.
We are doing well but some of the things that came out of his mouth- just ridiculous.

[This message edited by Wondertwin at 5:09 PM, November 7th (Thursday)]

Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
♀ Member
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I never stopped loving you." - Great way to show it

"I thought you wouldn't find out." - Even naive, stupid people like me figure things out eventually.

"I wanted it all." - Give him points for honesty on this one.

Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA

Posts: 197 | Registered: Jul 2013
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Because she loved me and didn't want a divorce."

But she needed ME to change (from what I recall, I needed to stop chewing so much nicotine gum and playing video games--as well as not being so controlling, and letting her buy a boat, and some other self-justifying BS)and she needed more time.

Then once I "changed" (in the superficial ways she claimed I needed to), she was angry because I "wanted her to change too" and she wasn't ready; i.e., to give up her boyfriend.

So... I divorced her. God, I was such an idiot.

Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ Member
Member # 40012
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I wanted to be married to you, those were just visits"

BS 53
WH 44
M 14 years at time of DD
2 young daughters
DD 12-8-12
A-3 YEARS and her husband was an accomplice.
In R, IC, & MC Since 1 week after DD. On the mend with the help of God, Friends and Family.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Central FL
♂ New Member
Member # 33831
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"But we were broken up at the time." The only problem was that she had forgotten to inform me of this fact.

It's a dark ride my friends
BH 54
WW 51
2 grown children DS and DD

Posts: 15 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: NL Canada
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