Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Lovelost26 (45077)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Advice/Help
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Advice needed. X is now threatening to shut off utilities and kick me out of the house. He has waffled back and forth with this for months, being generous one day and then being cruel the next. I no longer speak to him and do harsh nc and I think it is pushing his buttons.

ETA he claims I am not listening to him, but it is not so. It is that I have nothing to work with and have told him this. He left me high and dry financially and thinks I can move with zero money.

It's my thought that maybe this is one of the last bits of control he has over us? I have not replied to the message, it was very cruel and spoke unnecessarily of OW again-he feels a need to do that each time. He felt the need to rub in my face that she is meeting the ILs. I am working to not care, concentrating on me and making a plan. It is sheer survival and I don't really have time to care.

I have not eaten or slept in two days between this and the baby, so I'm sorry if my post is hard to read.

Any advice is appreciated. I have started some work on this like calling the utility companies to alert them and ask what I can do. I have no income with which to pay at present and he has not sent CS money.

Yes. I have calls in to my lawyer and am waiting to call back. I think this lawyer has unnerved him and this is his move before knowing what moves I will make next. The other L was a pushover and that worked for him.

I am trying to find out if this would be allowed with a baby in the house and another child.

Thank you.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 11:11 AM, November 6th (Wednesday)]


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
careerlady
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG how can he be so cruel?

Make sure you save that message to show the judge in court when they are deciding his child support. I think at the very least he has to give you 30 days. Are there any family you can live with?


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, CareerLady. My panic attacks are back and another reason to be angry at him.

Each parent is inviting us to go with them. My mother is out of state and we don't always get along, but she would be tremendous help with the kids that I don't have right now. She lives where it's warm and I have some conditions that make it hard to be in the north where we live, but I stayed for him. She is hands on with babies and good with DD, though drives me crazy personally-but with our own space, it could work.

I save all of my correspondence from him and document things he says verbablly-there have been some doozies.

I feel like he waited for the baby to pop out to pounce, for it was only two weeks after that he began this crap with OW in my face.

I've been on the phone with the utility companies most of the day, between feedings, to alert them, for what that's worth. The customer service people have been very kind.

I remember suggesting to him to call when he was out of work before and explain the situation, but he never, ever would. Sometimes they have compassion or ideas that you don't know of and they may help if they know a situation.

What shocked me was that every single person I spoke to was divorced and several BSs. Sigh.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He cannot kick you out of the house. If you name is on the mortgage/deed or the lease then he can only kick you out if he has a court order for exclusive use of the house. He does not have that. If you name is not on the mortgage/deed or the lease then I think your would be considered a tenant and he would have to go thru specific actions in order to evict you. That can take months and months.

I am more worried about him cutting off the utilities. I don't know what you can do about that. But you have been proactive in calling the utility company and calling your L.

I am sorry he continues to be such a cruel asshole.

(((hugs)))


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17639 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am more worried about him cutting off the utilities. I don't know what you can do about that. But you have been proactive in calling the utility company and calling your L.

Call the utilities right now. Or, if you can get to the utility company and talk to a person I would do that.

I would explain that you have very small children in the house and that you are currently going through a divorce. That your soon to be ex is threatening to turn off the utilities as a form of blackmail to you.

The one thing you have going for you is that it is winter, and (at least where i live) they can't easily turn off the heat since it would put your life in danger.

Then to the lawyer all the proof you have.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1757 | Registered: Sep 2012
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would ignore him and not respond like you have been doing. I went through this. My ex cut off all the utilities and any thing else he could. I was also a sahm and had just started working. You've let your attorney know. That's all you really can do.

When,if, he cuts off the utilities it won't look good to a judge. He can't kick you out of the house. You are married and it's half yours until a judge says otherwise.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4782 | Registered: Feb 2008
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my state, once D is filed automatic restraining orders go into place so neither party can cancel any bills, insurance, payments, etc. until it is legally decided.

You should see if it's the same in yours. If so, then he's just barking to intimidate you. It seems your new L is unnerving him, so now he's escalating the intimidation. As he loses more control, he'll try to assert it more if that makes sense.

You always have the option of forcing him to communicate with you through your attorney. As I told my ex, communicating directly with me is a privilege not a right. The second he abused it, the privilege was revoked.

Try to hang in there and rest, but be prepared for his escalation and manipulation. Don't let his threats and shenanigans upset you.

I'm guessing legally he can't arbitrarily cut off your utilities.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 405 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ashland, I am so sorry. This is so hard. Let the lawyer do his job for you, he can't do that. What a DICK!!


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ashland, I am so sorry. This is so hard. Let the lawyer do his job for you, he can't do that. What a DICK!!


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Topic Posts: 9

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.