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User Topic: ptsd -- I am sure I have it!
cluless
♀ Member
Member # 40538
Sad  Posted: 12:31 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a tweeter for the Dr. Phil show and we were doing a show on PTSD. I looked at the symptoms and my jaw dropped. I have MOST of them, and I don't know what to do about it. I've already gone to the doctor and I'm on TWO anti-depressants. I went about 2 weeks acting relatively normal, my WH and I went away for the weekend and had a explosive/fun time. Then tonight BOOM! I hate him again. I had him read an article I found to possibly explain why he did this in the first place. In there it talks about how they blame-shift and make the other spouse the "enemy" so they can justify their BAD behavior. I asked him, "so how long was I the enemy?" He said he didn't know, this was the FIRST time he admitted this, so I CONTINUE to get TT.

I find myself questioning everything, asking why didn't you just leave me IF you hated me and wanted to be with her. He felt an obligation to keep the family together. I keep telling him, I would have rather you go than to put me through this hell. He doesn't understand how I can "alright one minute" than go ballistic the next.

I have some questions. Has anyone here experienced PTSD? (I will list symptoms). What treatment was effective in the treatment (I can't do rapid eye movement therapy.) What IF you don't know IF you can live with the betrayal? Do I keep trying or do I cut my losses? My WH didn't even know me, he is crazy happy now that we are closer and are having intimate relations, but that yet another sign of this damn disorder. An I a f.cking beast because I feel inferior and trying to prove myself? I'm TOTALLY lost at this point.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder:

A. The person has been exposed to a traumatic event in which both of the following were present:
(1) the person experienced, witnessed, or was confronted with an event or events that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others.
(2) the personís response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror. Note: In children, this may be expressed instead by disorganized or agitated behavior.

B. The traumatic event is persistently reexperienced in one (or more) of the following ways:
(1) recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event, including images, thoughts, or perceptions.
(2) recurrent distressing dreams of the event. .
(3) acting or feeling as if the traumatic event were recurring (includes a sense of reliving the experience, illusions, hallucinations, and dissociative flashback episodes, including those that occur on awakening or when intoxicated).
(4) intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event.
(5) physiological reactivity on exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event.

C. Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness (not present before the trauma), as indicated by three (or more) of the following:
(1) efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the trauma
(2) efforts to avoid activities, places, or people that arouse recollections of the trauma
(3) inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma
(4) markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities
(5) feeling of detachment or estrangement from others
(6) restricted range of affect (e.g., unable to have loving feelings)
(7) sense of a foreshortened future (e.g., does not expect to have a career, marriage, children, or a normal life span)

D. Persistent symptoms of increased arousal (not present before the trauma), as indicated by two (or more) of the following:
(1) difficulty falling or staying asleep
(2) irritability or outbursts of anger
(3) difficulty concentrating
(4) hypervigilance
(5) exaggerated startle response

E. Duration of the disturbance (symptoms in Criteria B, C, and D) is more than 1 month.

F. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Specify if:
Acute: if duration of symptoms is less than 3 months
Chronic: if duration of symptoms is 3 months or more

Specify if:
With Delayed Onset: if onset of symptoms is at least 6 months after the stressor.

So why the big avoidance to recognize that we suffer from some form of PTSD or something like it? I can go down that list of symptoms and put a check mark next to almost every one of those and Iím sure many who have suffered the pain of infidelity can too, just do a quick Google search and you will see page after page of similar results. That being said, does that mean we just hang up our hats and say oh well, Iím stuck and it is what it is? NO idea what to do. I want to shake my WH I get so mad


WH 56
BS 54 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 4th D-Day 10-14. 5th D-Day 10-31-13
Married 15 yrs, together 19.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.


Default Posted: 12:11 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2008 View P


Posts: 150 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oceanside
WeHadItAll
♀ New Member
Member # 38804
Default  Posted: 1:33 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Both my IC and MC said I have PTSD. I think this is a common diagnosis for a BS. Discovering infidelity can be an emotional bombshell: The person you thought you knew and loved, the life you thought you were leading - suddenly the floor gives out, the walls fall, and you realize nothing was as it seemed. Your whole world shatters. That's trauma - bloodless, but no doubt about it.

I use a lot of the same methods that combat veterans probably use: breathing exercises, medication, cognitive behavioral therapy. My IC even tried EMDR with me (a desensitization technique).

The diagnosis is helpful, but it's only a name. The real work comes with facing and dealing with your these new fears. Different things work for different people.

As for your WH - he doesn't understand why you have mood swings? Have him read this:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=322206&HL=22698


Me - BSO, 35
Him - fWSO, 35
8y together.
DDay Nov 2012
R

Posts: 44 | Registered: Mar 2013
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 2:10 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi cluless

Quite some time ago there was quite a heated debate on SI about whether a BS could be suffering PTSD.

The camp that said NO used category A as justification for saying that a BS could not have PTSD because there was no life-threatening experience of violence to them physically or to their loved ones (if I recall correctly).

Without delving into that argument again I would like to say that many of us can tick many of the boxes on your list. I would like to suggest that it doesn't really matter what the diagnosis is. I don't think the label matters. What matters is what treatment can alleviate the symptoms and having access to that treatment.

In my case I had EMDR. I found it extremely helpful.

My own health professional said that I did have PTSD and referred me to someone for EMDR. This was a life-saver for me.

So. Don't worry about whether you are "entitled" to wear the label. Ignore what others think and/or say.

Just make sure you get access to treatment that helps.

HUGS

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am pretty positive I have it and I believe I even developed psychosis from it. I was having delusions, became obsessed with the idea WS was cheating on me and was a sociopath, and I had some other changes in behavior. I already suffered from depression and had a baby shortly after I found out about the A. I also have borderline tendencies so I think with all that and dealing with the betrayal I lost it for a moment.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am dealing with it now, as well, and am in IC and seeing a shrink (mostly for anxiety meds).

The shrink has been more helpful because he's very dry and matter of fact about things. He said the nightmares and other acute symptoms will improve as I start to feel safe physically and emotionally. He's right in that they are starting to subside.

Therapy for me is meh. There's something about rehashing and talking about the trauma that does nothing more than rip my scabs off. I'm most likely going to quit and allow myself time to just rest and heal.

It was a different story after my first dday when I stayed and was trying to R. He was in front of me and I was constantly triggered. The TT and his rug sweeping exacerbated my PTSD symptoms.

Good luck in finding a treatment road that gives you healing and peace.

[This message edited by Rainbows at 8:51 AM, November 6th (Wednesday)]


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 362 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
DixieD
♀ Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know PTSD is EXACTLY what I experienced.

The book Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing talks about how traumatic the betrayal of infidelity is.

Like Laura said, I don't know where I would be now without EMDR. It was a lifesaver. I'm so much better now.

You mentioned you can't do rapid eye movement therapy. I closed my eyes and my therapist tapped my knees so I didn't follow her fingers back and forth rapidly. I think I would have vomited if I tried that.

Get help for this, you are not stuck with it.

[This message edited by DixieDevastated at 9:06 AM, November 6th (Wednesday)]


Growing forward

Posts: 1449 | Registered: Sep 2011
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too.

EMDR helped some, but it's not gone.

Just one of the reasons why infidelity is abuse.

Yuck.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1038 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
cluless
♀ Member
Member # 40538
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wehad it all, I gave my husband the url but it just takes you to the forum, what were you suggesting he read?

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=322206&HL=22698


WH 56
BS 54 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 4th D-Day 10-14. 5th D-Day 10-31-13
Married 15 yrs, together 19.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.


Default Posted: 12:11 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2008 View P


Posts: 150 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oceanside
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have it too. When does it go away? I am on medications for this and they only help so much. When I am triggered I can be left feeling depressed for days afterwards.

I have almost every single item listed on the list.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
In R
"If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed by the truth." -Carl Sagan

Posts: 2250 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
cluless
♀ Member
Member # 40538
What?  Posted: 5:04 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your responses. A friend suggested that for awhile I split from my husband. We've been trying to work it out, but then I'm all of a sudden relieving the moment of being betrayed. Is it true that if I don't see him, the anger will subside faster? Or am I just kidding myself?

I'm going to get that book right now. Thanks for the head's up!


WH 56
BS 54 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 4th D-Day 10-14. 5th D-Day 10-31-13
Married 15 yrs, together 19.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.


Default Posted: 12:11 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2008 View P


Posts: 150 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oceanside
WeHadItAll
♀ New Member
Member # 38804
Default  Posted: 4:02 AM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cluless - sorry about that broken link! Not sure why it didn't work.

Try this:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=324250

If that doesn't work for whatever reason, go to the Wayward Side forum. It's under the topic: Things that every WS needs to know.


Me - BSO, 35
Him - fWSO, 35
8y together.
DDay Nov 2012
R

Posts: 44 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 11

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