I find myself questioning everything, asking why didn't you just leave me IF you hated me and wanted to be with her. He felt an obligation to keep the family together. I keep telling him, I would have rather you go than to put me through this hell. He doesn't understand how I can "alright one minute" than go ballistic the next.
I have some questions. Has anyone here experienced PTSD? (I will list symptoms). What treatment was effective in the treatment (I can't do rapid eye movement therapy.) What IF you don't know IF you can live with the betrayal? Do I keep trying or do I cut my losses? My WH didn't even know me, he is crazy happy now that we are closer and are having intimate relations, but that yet another sign of this damn disorder. An I a f.cking beast because I feel inferior and trying to prove myself? I'm TOTALLY lost at this point.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder:
A. The person has been exposed to a traumatic event in which both of the following were present:
(1) the person experienced, witnessed, or was confronted with an event or events that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others.
(2) the personís response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror. Note: In children, this may be expressed instead by disorganized or agitated behavior.
B. The traumatic event is persistently reexperienced in one (or more) of the following ways:
(1) recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event, including images, thoughts, or perceptions.
(2) recurrent distressing dreams of the event. .
(3) acting or feeling as if the traumatic event were recurring (includes a sense of reliving the experience, illusions, hallucinations, and dissociative flashback episodes, including those that occur on awakening or when intoxicated).
(4) intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event.
(5) physiological reactivity on exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event.
C. Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness (not present before the trauma), as indicated by three (or more) of the following:
(1) efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the trauma
(2) efforts to avoid activities, places, or people that arouse recollections of the trauma
(3) inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma
(4) markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities
(5) feeling of detachment or estrangement from others
(6) restricted range of affect (e.g., unable to have loving feelings)
(7) sense of a foreshortened future (e.g., does not expect to have a career, marriage, children, or a normal life span)
D. Persistent symptoms of increased arousal (not present before the trauma), as indicated by two (or more) of the following:
(1) difficulty falling or staying asleep
(2) irritability or outbursts of anger
(3) difficulty concentrating
(5) exaggerated startle response
E. Duration of the disturbance (symptoms in Criteria B, C, and D) is more than 1 month.
F. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
Acute: if duration of symptoms is less than 3 months
Chronic: if duration of symptoms is 3 months or more
With Delayed Onset: if onset of symptoms is at least 6 months after the stressor.
So why the big avoidance to recognize that we suffer from some form of PTSD or something like it? I can go down that list of symptoms and put a check mark next to almost every one of those and Iím sure many who have suffered the pain of infidelity can too, just do a quick Google search and you will see page after page of similar results. That being said, does that mean we just hang up our hats and say oh well, Iím stuck and it is what it is? NO idea what to do. I want to shake my WH I get so mad
Tried to reconcile for 6 months, I couldn't get past the pai
I use a lot of the same methods that combat veterans probably use: breathing exercises, medication, cognitive behavioral therapy. My IC even tried EMDR with me (a desensitization technique).
The diagnosis is helpful, but it's only a name. The real work comes with facing and dealing with your these new fears. Different things work for different people.
As for your WH - he doesn't understand why you have mood swings? Have him read this:
Quite some time ago there was quite a heated debate on SI about whether a BS could be suffering PTSD.
The camp that said NO used category A as justification for saying that a BS could not have PTSD because there was no life-threatening experience of violence to them physically or to their loved ones (if I recall correctly).
Without delving into that argument again I would like to say that many of us can tick many of the boxes on your list. I would like to suggest that it doesn't really matter what the diagnosis is. I don't think the label matters. What matters is what treatment can alleviate the symptoms and having access to that treatment.
In my case I had EMDR. I found it extremely helpful.
My own health professional said that I did have PTSD and referred me to someone for EMDR. This was a life-saver for me.
So. Don't worry about whether you are "entitled" to wear the label. Ignore what others think and/or say.
Just make sure you get access to treatment that helps.
The shrink has been more helpful because he's very dry and matter of fact about things. He said the nightmares and other acute symptoms will improve as I start to feel safe physically and emotionally. He's right in that they are starting to subside.
Therapy for me is meh. There's something about rehashing and talking about the trauma that does nothing more than rip my scabs off. I'm most likely going to quit and allow myself time to just rest and heal.
It was a different story after my first dday when I stayed and was trying to R. He was in front of me and I was constantly triggered. The TT and his rug sweeping exacerbated my PTSD symptoms.
Good luck in finding a treatment road that gives you healing and peace.
[This message edited by Rainbows at 8:51 AM, November 6th (Wednesday)]
The book Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing talks about how traumatic the betrayal of infidelity is.
Like Laura said, I don't know where I would be now without EMDR. It was a lifesaver. I'm so much better now.
You mentioned you can't do rapid eye movement therapy. I closed my eyes and my therapist tapped my knees so I didn't follow her fingers back and forth rapidly. I think I would have vomited if I tried that.
Get help for this, you are not stuck with it.
[This message edited by DixieDevastated at 9:06 AM, November 6th (Wednesday)]
EMDR helped some, but it's not gone.
Just one of the reasons why infidelity is abuse.
I have almost every single item listed on the list.
I'm going to get that book right now. Thanks for the head's up!
If that doesn't work for whatever reason, go to the Wayward Side forum. It's under the topic: Things that every WS needs to know.