Every word of what SBB said. If you were dealing with a functional MAN instead of an emotionally retarded man-child, those words would have an impact. It's the truth and clearly comes from a place of deep pain. Anyone with a heart can feel the pain and empathize with the words that you wrote and just like you I tried to get my ex to understand the type of pain and damage he inflicted. But he cannot, just like my ex, and a whole lot of other exs here at SI. They don't have a heart so there is no pulling those strings. There is no empathy and there is no understanding. They are sick and twisted MF'ers and for many there is NO way to get through to them because there is nothing there but more emptiness, self-pity and darkness.
Don't beat yourself up for doing what is natural. It's natural and normal to want to express your feelings and be heard and understood. It's VERY hard to accept that a person can lack some of the basics of what makes us human like empathy. Accepting my ex as being a non-human in a human body took a lot of attempts like the one that you just made. I poured my heart out more than once and got nothing but anger and blame in response. The harder I pushed to try to get something...anything... only led to him being more and more belligerent until I began to show more strength (thanks in large part to SI) and he began to back down like the coward he is. Tears do not elicit compassion from him only anger and I learned over time it also encouraged him to continue whatever he was doing to cause that pain. It gave him a feeling of power and control but nothing even close to compassion. I had no idea what kind of monster I was married to for 10 years and it took a lot to accept that I was indeed married to that creature. He didn't come out of nowhere, he was always there hiding behind a "good guy" mask so this monster wasn't going anywhere even when "Mr. Good Guy" made an appearance.
If my ex ever had the ability to empathize and express genuine emotion, that ability was lost before I came along. That fact explains why I have never seen him shed a tear. 10 YEARS and not ONE single tear! He pretended to cry once and that was when he momentarily agreed to stop talking to the OW. But there still were no actual tears just a pained face and shut eyes with a white and goopy discharge that made it look like his eyes were glued shut (yes it was as weird as it sounds maybe he is actually a cyborg )
I say all of that to say that you need to express those emotions to your fellow HUMANS who can understand, empathize and give encouragement through this ridiculously hard journey you have begun. He is certainly not capable of any of that. OW got the soul-crushing loser she deserves while you deserve so much more.(((Iamhappytoday)))