Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: saveme25 (43179)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Venting!!!!!! I hate this dude!!!!
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had a horrible time trying to get over the end of what I thought was a pretty fucking great marriage. Finding out my twins were only 15 months old when he started cheating was a killer. Finding out he was sexting in August was a killer. Finding out the entire thing had been a physical affair the entire time, not just texting, in April was DEVASTATING.
That stupid slunt he ended up with left her two kids for ten months on a voluntary deployment over her *cough* "guilt" over their affair. Obviously they both feel really, really guilty, as they are now together.

So, that effing ASSHAT has flown over the house all drill weekend and tonight in the UH60. Piece of fucking shit. I asked him 6 months ago to quit. He did briefly, but does it again now, "for the girls".

WTF!!! I am trying to get better, and every time I start making headway a fucking blackhawk helicopter does goddamn donuts around my fucking house at less than 1000 ft. I want to get better!!!! If I complain I validate that prick.

My neighbor happened to drop by Sunday as he did FIVE loops around my house and I was in tears. I told her, how am I supposed to heal? I get better, and that shitbag flies around like Batman. Could I get him in trouble? Yes. But I think that maybe some military folks cheated on would understand my logic for not reporting.

What a piece of shit. Flyiing around my house before leaving and fucking his little nasty minutes later. Bet she doesn't know he's hovering in that helicopter all the time. I sure do, and let me tell you, she can keep that POS. FTG.

Sorry. I'm just so mad. When he used to fly by it was special. Now it's spying and demeaning.

[This message edited by Iamhappytoday at 9:44 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)]


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 123 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Call the base and complain. I'm pretty darn sure that this is unacceptable use of a military aircraft. Asshole!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4101 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe I should not have done it, but I won't lie. I just spent a bit of my night spray-painting my backyard with a very unmistakable message from the air.

I painted a flip the bird and the word CHEATERS in hot pink, with black shadows.

Stupid or petty? maybe, but quit flying by my fucking house, then, asshole.

I hate him so much. I wanted to kill myself for awhile I was so damaged. FUCK HIM. I don't want to die. I just don't want to hurt. But if I have to hurt? then I'm sending a message. Because what I won't do is hurt needlessly and indefinitely. This shit is done. FTG. Let all his crew chiefs and co-pilots see that little message next time he flies over. Asshole.


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 123 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL about the spray paint message! You are awesome! Thus guy is so not worth harming yourself over. You have two beautiful Dd's that need you to be their stable parent and positive role model while their dad is off screwing cheap whores. You are going to be just fine. He is the one that won't be.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 714 | Registered: Mar 2013
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It just hurts so much. I wish I weren't in tears. I wish I were stronger and had my FU voodoo doll ready, but I just don't. I spray painted my back yard just now, which will either be funny, or cause him to lose his shit and fuck me over even more.

I was trying to send a text that would never be sent and I accidentally hit send!!!! I am beyond upset about it as I am typically NC.

The text was:

"Flying over my home is insensitive. Please stop. You have a new family. Fly for them. Leave us alone."

The problem is, no matter how true, I DID NOT want to hit SEND. I was trying to follow the whole mantra of write it but dont send it, tell us, and it absolutely backfired. Not a fun place to be when you are trying to be NC and hit an epic fail.

oh well. I don't know what else to say. I am just trying to be a good person and parent. It's awful. I don't know who or what to trust now. boo! hiss!


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 123 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 12:58 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mistakes happen. Forgive yourself. However, don't text with his number pulled up, put your phone in instead, then no accidents can happen.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2820 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:56 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh. How can you heal and move forward with this fucker literally hovering around you? I'm so sorry. Not fair. Not ok. Can you make an anonymous complaint?

I'm kinda loving the spray paint job


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
I FINALLY GOT A COURT DATE: 5/29/14!!

Posts: 1832 | Registered: Oct 2012
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 2:54 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Document each time he does this, especially since you've asked him to stop. Consider filling harassment charges.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

❣Your soulmate is the person who helps grow your soul into a better being rather than tearing it down❣


Posts: 10869 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Limbo
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:38 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does it bother the neighbours? Perhaps you could all sign a petition against it.

Did the spray painting work? Does he fly on his own or with someone else?

What I'd probably do: go out in my backyard completely butt-arsed naked. Sunbaking, mowing the lawn. Whatevs.

Let him explain to OWifetress why he keeps buzzing his super-freaky naked X's house.

OK - probably not a good idea but funny.as.hell.


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4524 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 5:26 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lol. . . . .you are my hero. Love the paint thing. Good for you. FTG
When you hear batboy coming, put on you ipod and play some tunes, loud enough to drown out the noise. Have a neighbor video everytime he does this crap, with date and time stamp. This is harassment. Seriously, this is what our tax dollars are paying for?!


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 486 | Registered: Mar 2003
dindy
♀ Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a loser!

He's obviously still bothered by you then otherwise he wouldn't be flying around trying to pretend to be a superhero.

Super prat more like!


Posts: 433 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Flying over my home is insensitive. Please stop. You have a new family. Fly for them. Leave us alone."

I don't think this is bad at all, especially for an "accidentally sent" text. Document that you have asked him to stop by sending this text. Maybe take a photo of your phone, showing it as sent and the date and time? It may be useful someday. I think what you wrote shows calmness. Good for you!

It also documents that there's a history of flyby's that some (people important to him) may view as wasting money. Let HIM worry about that.


Posts: 1056 | Registered: Aug 2010
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. Sounds like harrassment to me. Restraining order.

2. If you are still legally married, he is committing adultery...and in the military, big NO NO. Inform his chain of command.

3. Spray paint, Bwahahahaha, you are awesome, quit beating yours elf up.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB

Posts: 1784 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You guys are awesome. You know, in hindsight, it truly is harassment. The excuse of doing it so the girls can see him is BS, as what set me off last night was him flying by in such a way he could see if a car was in the driveway. It was a fast pass after kids bedtime, so he's lying, perhaps even to himself.

He was totally full of righteous indignation over that text, to which I firmly and somewhat bossily (so not like me), stated what I thought about that attitude. His response:

"I'm sorry, ____.I will stop."

I feel better now. For now


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 123 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know, I know. You all are going to rip me for this, but this is how the conversation went. Please use gentle 2x4's, as I am in pain.

Me:
Flying over my home is insensitive. Please stop. You have a new family. Fly for them. Leave us alone.

Him:
I don't see how you view it as insensitive, and the insinuation that I have a new family implies that I've replaced my girls, which is so off base it's not even funny. But if you'd rather me not fly over, that's fine. I was doing it for the girls, I wanted them to be able to see me fly. But I'll stop as of right now.

Part 2:
And now that I read that agin, you can ask me to leave you alone all you want, and I'll do it, I try to comply with what you ask me to do. But you're way out of line to say "leave US alone." They're still my children too and I live them more than anything. I'll stop flying over the house cause it is your home and I'll respect that. But don't tell me to leave my children alone again, thanks.

[This message edited by Iamhappytoday at 10:48 PM, November 6th (Wednesday)]


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 123 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My reply:

You used to fly over for me. Doing it now drags up too many memories. You left me, not the girls. You have replaced me, not the girls. Got it.

You told me you didn't want to settle by staying with me. Fine, but let me heal without constant reminders of the person who abandoned me and cheated when I needed them and was raising twins who had just turned one three months prior, and was told, "she's just like you used to be," an, "I wish I could tell her why I don't talk to her anymore since you found out about the texting because I feel bad for losing my friend".

and those kids you love were without you all the times you were with her, as was I, when you were "hunting", etc. They are and will always be your kids, but if you are going to bring up my faults for why you left, include your own mistakes and decisions, too.

Part 2 of my response:

And let me tell you something, because I don't know where the human with a heart I married disappeared to. You used to have empathy. I trusted you. You lied daily to me for months on end. When you did loops around the house on Sunday I was in the front yard fucking crying. I am frustrated and want a job and out of this sham of a marriage. You treated me with so much anger and disrespect when you were the one breaking vows, and I am paying the price while you and your affair partner are bonding and building lives together. You both have incomes and a partner and a direction for your future and no one betrayed or lied or abandoned either of you.

Then he finally said, Im sorry. I wont fly over again.

FTG. Where is justice in the universe? Where?????

:(


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 123 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You will find no justice, closure, enlightenment, empathy - anything in that guy.

Don't expect in S/D what you didn't get in your M.

No more now. You'll feel the impact of this contact and it will remind you to never do it again. It delays your healing big time.

You may need to hurt yourself a few more times before you're DONE. I know I did.

I know exactly what you're looking for. I just wanted to know that the guy I thought I married was in there somewhere.

He's not. He'll put the mask back on for you when he's feeling like shit and/or wants some ego kibbles and/or feels like manipulating you but that's all you'll get from this guy, an act. That to me is the painful part for some reason. That I risked everything and had children and made life-altering decisions for me and for them based on lies, an act, a ruse, a fraud.

I looked for it too. Even hurt myself to find it. Realising I was hurting myself is what eventually helped me maintain strict NC.

I'm sorry you're hurting. Please know we've all been there.

Don't beat yourself up. Dust yourself off and get back on the NC wagon, friend. You will get through this. NC is your friend.

((Iamhappytoday))


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4524 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
pregnantandsad
♀ Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What an asshole. I agree that it sounds like harassment. LOL at the spray painting- you are awesome!


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
HurtsButImOK
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^ what SBB said


Also could you lodge a 'non specific' complaint to the base regarding the noise experienced on x date(s) at x time (s) over x area for x duration.

That might help the base to take the lead to stamp out the unwanted behaviour without making it a direct 'attack' at your x.


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 716 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SBB, you are totally right. I was doing, I thought, fairly well, but when AP returned from her deployment I went into a tailspin, not realizing how much cake eating my ex was still doing, and I was letting him. Then the silence came, and knowledge they were together FOR REAL, then when he finally went back to work he started flying by my house every day. It was killing me. Talk about a trigger.

I am just in a rut. It's like Groundhog Day every morning. I hate this stuck feeling. I am trying so hard to find work, but like so many others, my career took a back seat so I could move for his work then I was a SAHM, so my work history is not doing me any favors right now. I love having this time with my two-year olds, but I need to move forward and work would really help with that, I think.

Just venting :(

Thanks so much for all of your responses. I just wish none of us were in this traumatizing situation.


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 123 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
Topic Posts: 21
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.