HAHAHAHAHA. Like I am going to suggest to him that he apologize to her, a willing AP. Nope. She also claims she has tried writing a sufficient apology to me, but nothing seems right. No shit.
Do we now, 2 1/2 months out, send a letter? We both feel like any kind of response to her contact would open the door for her to respond again, and it seriously takes me a week minimum to stop walking around in a haze of fury every time I hear from her.
Also, the only e-mail address I have for the OBH is his work e-mail, or I would have forwarded all the e-mails to be sure he knew she had contacted us. It felt inappropriate to send them to his work e-mail. I could text him to ask if he knows, but is that just picking at scabs? How fucked up is it that I feel like a tattle-tale?
I think maybe I know the answer, that I would want to know from him if WH had made contact, but I'm still torn. OBH is not a super rational person. Let your wisdom rain down upon me, SI gurus.
I recently ended up having contact with the AP and it set me back weeks !
I took the high road and left out the part about her being a nasty whore and the only reason I didn't go 'Girl With The Dragon Tattoo' on her and get it permanently inked on her forehead was out of respect for her BH and children...something she is clearly lacking.
Then I deleted the account. I felt much better and re-reading that email still gives me comfort. There is nothing to be gained from confronting directly as no apology will suffice and it would just give AP an oppty to hurt you more...something they have already shown they are capable of doing.
BW: 42 (me)
WH: 40 (him)
Together 15 years, Married 11
2 kids (10 & 8)
False R 1/12/13-7/14/14
WH butt-dialed OW twice yesterday before he realized what had happened (he has her # in his phone so he can block her calls). She's since been buried at the end of his contacts list to avoid a repeat, but I bet that threw her whole weekend off.
lf, I would say "you have no idea how happy I'd be if she moved," but I think you probably have a very good idea!
Thanks to all once again for being awesome. Been feeling pretty isolated lately despite being very busy. It helps to check in here and be reminded what a good support system this is.
For your situation, my vote is that if she sends another note to you or WH, respond and tell her that if you hear from her ever again, you're forwarding the emails directly to her BH. Who cares if you seem like a tattle tale (which you don't)? She doesn't want to go quietly, but she needs to for you to heal. Do what is right for you.
It was so sick and twisted, only Satan himself (not his henchmen) could have conceived and carried out this most horrible and gross affair.
Sorry about that, the thought 13 years later is truly disgusting.
Thank God for his Grace in surviving that without taking my own life to escape the madness.
Odd part of the double betrayal for me - at times I tend to forget she's not my friend anymore. Just little stuff like a rep I deal with gave me a bottle of wine. WH isn't a wine drinker and every other time I've been given wine I'd call my former friend and we'd get together and share it. So when it happened recently my brain automatically went to "oh I'll call *bitch* and we can share it". Then came the hell no reaction, then anger at my WH for choosing my friend of all the freakin people in the world to F*** around with, then the hurt. I can't wait until I'm far enough out that the first "friend" I think about in a happy situation is not her! This happen to anyone else? So frustrating.
I am now 4 years and almost 2 months out and this improves. To save you from having to read my profile, OW and I had been BFF's since we were about 2. Our parents were great friends and we did everything together. This lasted into adulthood, she was my maid of honor and my second daughter has her middle name.
28 year friendship as I found out a couple months after I turned 30.
Anyway, she still comes up in my mind about wanting to call, or text, or get together and go to lunch/shopping. However, it is easily dismissed. I have also started friendships in the past two years, though very guarded and not nearly as close as OW and I were, but I do have people to text and occasionally call.
But, mostly, I am my own best friend. Losing her and having my husband betray me actually made me work hard in IC to be content within myself. I was someone who looked for validation everywhere but within, and now I do the opposite. It has been freeing and gives me a sense of relief. Even 4 years out, I still go to IC. My fWH started IC about 2 weeks ago after years of encouragement.
All that to say, it does get better. Hang in there.
[This message edited by Myheartstillhurt at 1:43 PM, July 25th (Friday)]