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User Topic: SO Tattoos
WhatsRight
♀ Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to say that I am 60, and I have 2 tatoos. They are inconspicuous - I didn't want to be a biker chick! (Not that there is anything wrong with that!)

I have to admit that I would LOVE it if my husband wanted to put something commemorative of our struggles or his committment to me, or something equally validating for my importance to him PERMANENTLY on his bod.

For me, the permanence would be the draw.

Of course, I am desperate for ANY sign, so what do I know!


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Offhispedestal
♀ Member
Member # 32528
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All I can really say is WTF ??? Why is the ex paying for her tat?? The real question is : What is going on with her ex to still be SOOO comfortable to let him pay for a tatt?? And to top it off she hides it??

Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing.
Don't fall for a possible excuse of: " I knew you would get angry so I didn't want to tell you"


ME-44
WH-45
Married 24


2Beautiful daughters
DD 6/26/10 (he broke down & confessed)
DD#2 3/14/11 H in OW's car
TT 7/1/11 (NC broken, through emails)

In R


Posts: 639 | Registered: Jun 2011
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's the disregard for you that's disturbing. Catwomans response is spot on. I bet if you really thought about.it, her attitude is bothering you.more than the tat. Is her ex the AP?
Guess I'll throw my two cents in for the original question. You guys did discuss her tats at the beginning.of your R and she said she woulnt get one like she's now considering. I would not like that. A face tattoo, I feel is something that your SO should be able to.have input.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5128 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Hatingthis247
♂ New Member
Member # 41112
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This has been a really interesting topic for me and I truly appreciate how everyone has their own different views on this.

I donít have any tattoos myself, but itís not because I donít like them. Iíve actually thought about getting one or even several quite a few times. For me itís always just been a matter of deciding what I would actually want. I think my issue with tattoos is just the way some people get them. For some people itís a compulsive behavior, for others itís a coping mechanism. Some people fall into peer pressure and others have a bad habit of falling for fads. If there has been serious thought and planning into a tattoo and it has meaning that will be relevant in a persons life for the long haul, I think they are great.

SisterMilkshake, ďlater in lifeĒ is actually a big part of my concern. My WS is young and has a beautiful body right now. I canít help having these images in my head of us being together when we are older and wanting to dress up in nice clothes and go somewhere fancy and I personally just donít like the look of fully exposed large tats in a situation like that, not to mention depending how well she ages and takes care of herself, those tats could look pretty terrible down the road. Also your comment ďWouldn't it have been better if our WS's reconsidered our relationship and decided because their spouse made a lasagna with four cheeses they would end the marriage first instead of cheating on us?Ē really hit home! Thank you for you wisdom and support!

So Iíve seen a lot of opinions all over the place on this topic ranging from ďitís my body and I can do whatever I want without anyoneís permissionĒ to ďwe are in a relationship and should respect each otherís opinions.Ē Pentupís comment ďI really like cats. My h does not. We do not have a cat. I could get one, but I respect that they make him uncomfortableĒ pretty much sums up my stance on the situation. I donít want to control my SO and tell her what she can and canít do, but I do want to be in a relationship where my opinion matters, and does have an effect on the decisions my SO makes.

A lot of people on here have been asking about the ex paying for her tats while she was out of town. The ex was not one of my WS multiple APís (that I know of). She describes their relationship as just extremely close friends that always have looked out for each other and helped each other through tough times. I have always been weary of this because he has been willing to drop everything and drive across multiple states to see her on a momentís notice, and was obviously willing to pay for her to get two tattoos. This incident happened a while back, before dday, but during the time of her affairs. It was not completely swept under the rug. She knew I was upset about it, we talked to our MC about it, and she said she would never do anything like that again without at least discussing it with me first. Well only a few weeks ago, after dday and during what could have been the beginning of R, she did it again. This time it wasnít a tattoo but a piercing in her lip.

There are people on this tread that have stated that it is their body, and they can do whatever they want to it, anytime they want, without having to ask for permission. I donít have a problem accepting that type of mentality on the subject. It is your body and you most certainly can do whatever you want with it. That is obviously the way my WS feels on the topic. There are obviously SOís out there that also donít have a problem with this way of thinking and donít mind with their SO comes home with a new tattoo or piercing they werenít told about. I just happen to find myself on the other side of the fence. I want to be with someone who does ask, consider my opinion, and is willing to bend a little for the sake of the relationship.

[This message edited by Hatingthis247 at 1:50 PM, November 6th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 24 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Roanoke, VA
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just happen to find myself on the other side of the fence. I want to be with someone who does ask, consider my opinion, and is willing to bend a little for the sake of the relationship.

There ya go ^^^^^ you know what you want in a R.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5128 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One day I'm going to be 80 (hopefully) and I'm going to be a heavily tattooed 80 year old. My tattoos are mine. I did them for me, they make me feel pretty, they make me proud of who I am. But you know what else would make me proud? A relationship based on mutual respect. You know what else is permanent besides tattoos? The knowledge and experience of being betrayed. That never goes away. But what do you do to get through it? The issue is that she is still exhibiting wayward and selfish behaviors. A relationship is a partnership. How can you be partners in these decisions?


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 3, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011


Posts: 1727 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Hatingthis247
♂ New Member
Member # 41112
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I was doing some internet searching around on this subject. Just google my wife/husband wants a tattoo and you will find lots of threads where one spouse wants one and the other disapproves. I was actually kind of surprised to see how often this topic becomes an issue in relationships. Much like it has been on this forum so far I saw an extremely wide range of viewpoints. Some people utterly belittled and ruthlessly bashed the spouse in disapproval. Calling them selfish, controlling monsters and stating that the SO should get the tat without their support and just make them deal with it. Actually, this was one of the more common responses I saw. There were some, but far fewer people on the side of the disapproving spouse that would suggest the tattoo be reconsidered for the benefit of the relationship. The common theme is that itís a personal choice, and of course it is. That is obvious. However this has made me try to take other personal choices and put them in the place of the tattoo in the situation and question if the outcome would always be the same. This will take the thread a bit off topic of course but I do find it fascinating.

So letís say youíre SO doesnít want a tattoo, but something else in its place that you equally disapprove of or feel uncomfortable with. Some examples (feel free to add more)

Go skydiving or participate in some other potentially dangerous stunt/activity
Get some sort of non-medically necessary plastic surgery
Experiment with an illicit drug
An extreme change to the way they dress (cross dressing)
Have an affair

Is the argument that you should love your SO for who they are, and let them be them valid in all of these situations? BSís, if your WSís had politely asked you if they could have an affair prior would you have said yes? Are any of these things acceptable for your SO to do without discussion with you prior?

I think the sad fact of the matter here is that ALL OF US are susceptible to getting some idea or desire ďstuckĒ in our heads, and a lot of the time once itís there itís hard to turn it off. Unfortunately this leads to resentment in our close relationships. If I want to start bungee jumping off bridges on the weekends and do so despite my SOís disapproval she may resent me for it, but if I donít do it because of her disapproval I may resent her for it.

Canít wait to hear everyoneís thoughts on this.


Posts: 24 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Roanoke, VA
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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