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Newest Member: hewaseverything (44947)

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User Topic: Scorched Earth
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Red  Posted: 12:21 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tirednconfused...

Please do not post personal information, that is against the guidelines.

Thank you.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 12:42 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)]


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197777 | Registered: May 2002
Camalus
♂ Member
Member # 40199
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry for the 'personal information'. I went back to delete it but it appears it is already gone.


Me–BS age 61
Her -- WS age 59
Married for 34 years
One child, 30yrs

Her 'A' 1994(?) through 1998
D-Day 7/4/2013 Yes, I didn't find out for almost 15 years... but the pain is just as bad as if she were with him last week.


Posts: 117 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Near Houston Texas
LivinginLimbo
♀ Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're my hero.

These moronic AP's don't realize that if they stayed under their rocks, we wouldn't give them another thought. I guess having a magical crotch gives them special powers.

It's always nice to hear when one of them gets a little taste of the destruction they caused.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1031 | Registered: Mar 2012
trumanshow
♀ Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is great! Although I understand some hold back because of fears of retaliation, jobs, kids I think if there was more scorched earth it may make more people think


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1747 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um...let me see...this guy is guilty of harassing his grad students and your report may stop him. That sounds like exemplary behavior.

Yeah, it would be better if one of his students filed a complaint. So what? This is a start that could bring a complaint from out of the woodwork.

You sound pretty happy about doing this. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

The fact that you enjoyed outing the om doesn't change the fact that you did a public service.

I have a high regard for academe. This guy pollutes it, and deserves to be eliminated, just like a body eliminates solid waste.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10083 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
motod
♂ New Member
Member # 37206
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Send everything you've got to everyone you can. How does your wife feel about her AP now?

Posts: 10 | Registered: Oct 2012
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't understand why he wouldn't get fired? He is guilty of sexual harrassment if he is having a relationship with someone over whom he has authority.
He poses a huge liability risk to the institution he works for because his employer will now have knowledge of his activities. They have to be seen to act.
I bet everyone in that department knows what is going on and it is simply ignored or indulged.
I think what you did is commendable. It sounds as if these married women were older. But what about younger girls, away from home, manipulated by low life's like these. It is sick, sick, sick. It sends a message to stay away from students and anyone in a position to be unduly influenced.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love that word- predator.

I'm happy for you. I sincerely hope your MC understands that this was less about revenge and more about exposing someone for who they really are. If your W is upset...that is unacceptable.

High Five!


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Crumbled324
♂ Member
Member # 33902
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A bravo and kudos to you sir! FTG!!!

And though we cannot go back and change our past, you struck a blow for changing the futute for the next potential victim of the predatory POS!


BH: 46
fWW: 45
Beautiful 8 year old daughter
Married 22 years, Together 28 - High School Sweethearts
Reconciling

Posts: 87 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Michigan
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2X4????
Please ,
You are officially my new her o!!!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2237 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Garnet
♀ Member
Member # 39070
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweet !!! Rock on!!!! Hope he does loose his job and then some!!


Garnet☀

Posts: 84 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: MA
Garnet
♀ Member
Member # 39070
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweet!! Rock on!!


Garnet☀

Posts: 84 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: MA
HoneyMe
♀ Member
Member # 40613
Happy  Posted: 5:39 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for sharing! Consequences would stop lots of this. I applaud you!! Please let us know what happens.

http://survivinginfidelity.com/images/icons/icon_smile1.gif


3 A's
Blinded-sided DD 9/2011
Again 11/2011 and then more truth the next day. Separated 4 months. 2012, the year of truth and reconciliation.

Posts: 69 | Registered: Sep 2013
selkiescot
♀ Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rock on Brother. You are my hero!


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1382 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Nest2007
♀ Member
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOVE this. I would dearly love to scorch some earth for my fWH's OW, but doing that outs my fWH and destroys my reputation too. Oh, but living vicariously through this is almost as good!


BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.


Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
Lyonesse
♀ Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ditto!


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1794 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
Peaches2013
♀ Member
Member # 40852
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jemimapd -as to not understanding how he wouldn't get fired, in an academic instution (I work at one as well, and we had a similar case within the past decade here), the whole concept of tenure can make things incredibly difficult...even when the tenured faculty member is completely in the wrong. In the case at my institution, they hired someone to head a department and offered him immediate tenure only to find out later that he had been chased out of not one, but two previous institutions for inappropriate relationships (and harassments and threats) with graduate students. It took years after they found out the information to get rid of him, and I think the way they had to do was to completely dissolve the department rather than firing him outright. It was horrible.


Me: BS
Him: WH ONS/short EA
Married 11 years
Together 15 years
2 children

Posts: 64 | Registered: Oct 2013
circe
♀ Member
Member # 6687
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First off, I think what you did was just fine, as it's called "exposure of the A" and part of what keeps these things from lurking and growing like mildew in dark shadowy damp corners. You just exposed his actions for what they were, with proof.

As far as Universities - at my U it's not against the rules to have relationships with consenting adult students as long as they aren't currently in your class and you don't make decisions about their degree. However I've seen that rule be applied only in emergencies, since several professors have married their adult students and employees and if they kept it mutually respectful and low key, no one interfered. Having said that, if a married professor were having multiple relationships while acting as an unofficial mentor, that would be stepped on immediately. The cynical side of me believes that's mainly because it's a harassment lawsuit waiting to happen, more than as a protective measure.

In the OP's case I think this married predator is exactly the sort of person who takes advantage of both the sometimes lax system and his position to work like mildew in the darkness of everyone looking the other way. You took away his dark corner and now he'll have to deal with it.

His poor wife, though. Did you send her the pictures of him making out with someone as well? I hope she finds her way here. I don't judge you for sending her the evidence, I just feel sorry for what her marriage actually was.


Posts: 3192 | Registered: Mar 2005
Topic Posts: 38
Pages: 1 · 2

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