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User Topic: Anniversary coming up
heme
♀ Member
Member # 40684
Angry  Posted: 10:25 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH and my 8th year wedding anniversary is coming up at the end of the year. In the 8 years we have been married he has NEVER showed a real interest in celebrating our anniversary. Whenever he has actually been home (hes in the military so gone alot) he has "had to" work late every anniversary. Out of the 7 anniversaries we have had he was gone for 4, I had to work 1 (no way out of it, tried) and 2 he had to "work late". Heck, our 6th anniversary his Dad was so upset that WH wasn't going to do anything that he went and got me flowers in WH's name and tried to play them off as from WH. Felt a bit bad for FIL since he managed to get one of the few varieties of flowers Im allergic to.

For some odd reason this year Wh seems to think its time to go all out for our anniversary. Originally he wanted me to find someone to babysit the children for 3 days. NOT HAPPENING, I have never left the children overnight other than when I was hospitalized and our youngest still nurses. We are newish to the area as well and I don't know anyone I would trust to even watch them for a few hours. Now he wants me to cook this special dinner for the two of us. I want to ignore the day is even happening. I, honestly, rather spend the day playing with my children instead of cooking a meal that won't even be appreciated. Also, WHY do I need to work all day on a meal that is his idea?

Is it so wrong to tell him that he has ignored every anniversary so far I can ignore this one?


BS: Me (30)
WS: Husband (31)
Married 8 years, together 9
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
D-Day2: May 31, 2014
Children: 5, ages 7, 5, 3, 1 and due in September

Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.


Posts: 205 | Registered: Sep 2013
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you don't want to celebrate, then tell him that. If he wants a special dinner, he can go out and buy it to bring home or he can cook it. FTG. Awfully convenient that NOW he wants to play Mr Romantic!

I don't celebrate my anniversary any more. Refuse to. Nothing to celebrate. Last year we celebrated the 1 year anniversary of the beginning of MC for us. Not sure what date, if any, we will celebrate this year. It's been a rather hellish one thus far.

Point being, if there's no reason to celebrate, why create more of a sham?


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4926 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 12:30 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now he wants me to cook this special dinner for the two of us.

FTG is right! How is YOU cooking dinner for him special for you?


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4144 | Registered: Sep 2005
heme
♀ Member
Member # 40684
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually do enjoy cooking so under normal circumstances I would have no issues preping a meal for us. This coming week Im making a special meal and a birthday cake for my 4yo who is turning 5. I cook for all the special occasions in my family, even helped prep food on my wedding day. If this was a normal circumstance (aka I hadn't just found out he violated the most important things in the world to me just a short few months prior) and he had asked I would have had no issues with cooking a meal. I, most likely, would have done it without question..

Unfortunately its NOT normal circumstances. There is no way I want to do it and honestly I'm tired to biting my tongue and just doing what he wants me to do. Its time for him to realize it isn't all about him.

[This message edited by heme at 6:20 AM, November 5th (Tuesday)]


BS: Me (30)
WS: Husband (31)
Married 8 years, together 9
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
D-Day2: May 31, 2014
Children: 5, ages 7, 5, 3, 1 and due in September

Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.


Posts: 205 | Registered: Sep 2013
stongmomof3
♀ Member
Member # 41158
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell him exactly how you feel. Our anniversary was 5 months after dday. I told him for weeks before that date was nothing to me and would never be celebrated again . I told him it was in his very best interest to pretend it was not even happening that day. We did and it wasn't as bad as I had stressed about. He did say once during that day " Uh I know you can't celebrate this day but what if we did something like a promise to each other to celebrate on this day" I was like WHAT THE FU@K ?? We did do that on this VERY FUCKING DAY just a few short years back , we made a VOW to each other and to GOD and you broke them. I will NEVER celebrate a PROMISE from you again. EVER. I may celebrate RECOVERY (alone or with you hopefully) but never a promise . Your promises don't mean shit.


Me 34 BS
Him 44 WS
3 EA, 1 PA each lasting over 7 months concurrently.
Are we in R? who the hell knows.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Oct 2013
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've got a ways to go before our anniversary, but I've already made it clear that we are not celebrating. He's not happy about it, but I don't care.

Your WH needs to be respectful of your wishes. HE did this. HE needs to do whatever you want to do or not do. You don't need to feel a bit bad. You're absolutely right...it's not about him!

(((heme)))


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
heme
♀ Member
Member # 40684
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im going to have to talk to him tonight and tell him that its not happening. A bit dreading it.. I have a lot of pent up anger and resentment for a lot of things that have happened over the years and the A just brought it up to the surface. Im worried if I let a bit out it might all come out like Nigeria falls.


BS: Me (30)
WS: Husband (31)
Married 8 years, together 9
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
D-Day2: May 31, 2014
Children: 5, ages 7, 5, 3, 1 and due in September

Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.


Posts: 205 | Registered: Sep 2013
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You cooking???
WTF
Seriouly!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2332 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Topic Posts: 8

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