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User Topic: Anyone feel guilty about how they treated AP?
stongmomof3
♀ Member
Member # 41158
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone ever feel guilty about how they reacted or treated AP after dday? We are 7 months out frome finding the secret phone. I had no idea these women were in my life or that our marriage was anything but solid. I FLIPPED. Called each one (3 EA , 1 PA) I cursed them with words I didn't even realize I knew . I posted them on shesahomewrecker.com , I messaged a couple of their family members or friends. I had WS Make a website with the PA affair sluts dirty pictures and all her information. She called hysterical and I removed everything online because I felt guilty.
Then a few months later got back to the F@$k them mentality and wanted to lash out again. I haven't but I do feel bad for these feelings.
That's crazy huh? I've been talking more to my IC about it and she doesn't say much other than it was justified , I was in shock and I should coninue to control myself in the future. Some days I want to tell EVERY SINGLE person they know and Sabatoge their lives and the next I feel so guilty .


Me 34 BS
Him 44 WS
3 EA, 1 PA each lasting over 7 months concurrently.
Are we in R? who the hell knows.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Oct 2013
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh hell no. No guilt at all.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
stongmomof3
♀ Member
Member # 41158
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This has only been recently. The first several months I could have literally ran them over with my car and laughed. And now the guilt is fleeting .maybe I'm just getting numb?


Me 34 BS
Him 44 WS
3 EA, 1 PA each lasting over 7 months concurrently.
Are we in R? who the hell knows.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Oct 2013
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't feel guilty about how I treated OW1+2.

I do feel guilty about how I treated a friend 3 weeks ago. I ran into her and I was slightly tipsy, I completely ignored her. I couldn't believe it right? I apologised and laughed it off

a week and a half ago, I realised she was the girl that my WH looked at numerous photos of when he went away for business for a week. That was not her fault at all (she is a bit of a slut.. but a consciencous one)

That said, although I did have the temptation after dday to do what you did so I understand it. I personally don't think that is a good idea. But I have told a lot of people, to get back at him and her. My wh threw his hands up in the air and told about a couple of hundred all at once, wrote a song about it and apologized.

Now I have to deal with "what an amazing thing he did", "he's so sorry" and the song being performed ALL THE FREAKING TIME. On a fricken album now.

Recently one of our friends was like "you love that song don't you Lauren" ummm fuck no , it almost makes me cry every time. His girlfriend said "ahhh have you ever seen her face when he performs it...?"

So there are downsides to TELLING EVERYONE.

but also, things being posted online like that... it's really not something I would recomend doing again...


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
stongmomof3
♀ Member
Member # 41158
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The ones I told I do not know in real life . We are in a small town and he has an influential job where everyone knows him . Thank God none were where we live and I instantly regretted telling anyone but for ME not them. I guess I'm just feeling guilty that I lost so much control at the beginning. I look back at the person I became and it's break my heart. Saying things I would never say , wishing things I didn't know I had the capacity to wish and wanting to seriously hurt strangers. I do believe they thought we were divorcing and the EA's don't se to have been a big deal to them or to him. Just stupid sexting to pass the time. They devastated me and I wanted revenge.


Me 34 BS
Him 44 WS
3 EA, 1 PA each lasting over 7 months concurrently.
Are we in R? who the hell knows.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Oct 2013
Dreamland
♀ Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

guilt absolutely the same guilt she had chasing and fucking my husband. Zero...skanky whore!

[This message edited by Dreamland at 9:48 PM, November 4th (Monday)]


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
stongmomof3
♀ Member
Member # 41158
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And I know what you mean about your friend that you ignored. I've had to block friends on FB just because something they said or a pic thy posted (totally unrelated to us) triggered me. I've also questioned (to him not publically) clients of his since dday. Actually I've questioned everything lol.


Me 34 BS
Him 44 WS
3 EA, 1 PA each lasting over 7 months concurrently.
Are we in R? who the hell knows.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Oct 2013
Nest2007
♀ Member
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guilt? Oh heck no. Only regret that I didn't get angrier, didn't call her out for being the whore that she is. I don't think I've ever felt hatred before. I do now.


BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.


Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
Thessalian
♀ Member
Member # 40633
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guilt? Uh, no. I was super polite to her at first, figuring it wasn't her fault. Then more details came out - oh, man, did she not deserve my politeness.

I'm only sorry I didn't write her a nasty letter when it would have made sense. At this point, writing one would let her know I still think about her.

I almost want her to try to break NC so I can say all the things I never said.


Me: BW, 30
Him: WH, 36

7 years of double-digit ONS, LTA, hookers - the works.

First found out: August 20, 2013
Whole truth: January 1, 2014


Posts: 164 | Registered: Sep 2013
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 6:05 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to admit, I thought of doing every single thing you did - even the website. I actually bought the domain name I was going to use.

But no, no guilt. I wouldn't think much about it. They thought nothing of trying to destroy your marriage and family. I wouldn't give them much thought.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's that whole argument that is on SI frequently-- aiming that venom at the right person. Which is your S. I wouldn't feel guilty, but I would feel embarrassed about my actions in light of the fact that my H is the one who should have been on the receiving end of this. I didn't go off on anyone but my H. Now, having the benefit of being this far out, I'm glad I didn't. I could have dealt with the guilt hour talking about so much better than the humiliation I know I would have felt if I had done what you did. But I'm a believer in you do what you have to do.

Posts: 315 | Registered: Jul 2012
hobbeskat
♀ Member
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope. In fact, I wish I'd been harsher on her.

Posts: 308 | Registered: Mar 2013
crestfallen
♀ Member
Member # 27993
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope....I have only spoken to her once. That was when she butt dialed me (my H and my number is only one digit apart).

I was very kind to her as she lied to me from the start of the conversation and I knew I was going no where with her. Basically, she called the A a relationship. I told her a relationship is where you meet the kids, parents and aren't someone's dirty little secret.
Complete silence on that one.

She also told me she neither she or my H was ready to end the relationship. Really, that's why H told you on DDAy he was relieved I found out and he was physically sick from the whole thing. He was under a Dr's care. Last two month of A he lost a ton of weight, looked terrible. I told her, "If he lied to me, he lied to you, my dear." She finally said, "yeah, I know."

At this point, I had the opportunity to totally slam her for basically calling herself a whore, but I just ended the conversation giving her a little dignity.

I STILL WISH I SLAMMED HER!


BS-me-57
WH-57
Married 32 years
OW-Mr. Ed ish! Seriously!
DDAY- 2/21/09
TT until 1/10/10
Working on R and doing well!!

Posts: 179 | Registered: Mar 2010
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been trying to find out more about the OM. I had his work cell number and I sent many text and left a few voicemails. He never contacted me. I really wish I could find his wife


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
LivinginLimbo
♀ Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sent an email on D-Day and, when she texted my H 3 weeks later, I called from his phone and left a voicemail. Both times I used every version of whore imaginable and probably created a few new ones.

I have zero regrets.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1031 | Registered: Mar 2012
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sent OW a 4 sentence PM on FB one minute before confronting WH on d-day. Then nothing for 3 months, I expected an apology as she was a "friend" but none came. Had a bad day for a variety of reasons and sent her a very long scathing letter/email. I feel no guilt whatsoever, she deserved to hear everything I wrote, and actually more. What I regret is not being scathing enough.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I had done something to feel guilty about! I was so afraid of looking like a jealous wife and being incorrect in accusing her, I was not
nearly as ferocious as I should have been.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5039 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That was when she butt dialed me (my H and my number is only one digit apart).

Mine too crest, one digit off and I keep hoping for a slip up one day


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5039 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Marathonwaseasy
♀ Member
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No not at all
She was a BW once and knew what this was like
She attacked me, sent me vicious texts, has approached him despite NC for 7 weeks and him telling her it was over, is still waiting for him.
She is a known bunny boiler
But its FWH who really let me down. However he at least is showing remorse
She is still dreaming about their special connection


Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."


Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
cancuncrushed
♀ Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont feel guilty. I only went crazy on H. I had to bite my tongue for OW as she was discribed as an equal , upper management employee. SHe was somebody important. H didnt want to lose his job. I was still gathering info. 8 months of hell went by as they worked side by side every day. ANd traveled together. After I realized she was just a secretary, I couldnt take it anymore. I Had her fired. Now I hugely regret not saying anything to her. I did have her fired and she has had many jobs and lost them all since. But I never said a word to her. ANd I am very verbal. I now just wait for the day I see her in person. SHe moved away. My H is there , in her city, all this week, just down the street from her. FOr meetings......I refused to go. FOr the first time.... Im not going to worry myself either, I feel pretty good. I wish for the opportunity . But I would never feel guilty.


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 903 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Topic Posts: 37
Pages: 1 · 2

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