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User Topic: affair characterics
torn2pieces
♀ New Member
Member # 39029
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm wondering how many men or women had young children, financial/business failures and near age 40 when they started the affairs?

Posts: 42 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: torn2pieces
emotionalgirl
♀ Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have no children and are both in stable financially rewarding jobs. We have been married 25 yrs. he is 48.

I can honestly say that I have noticed signs of a mid life crisis over the past 2 yrs. purchasing lots of boy toys, staying out partying on Friday nights with work buddies and coming home drunk, or passing out where he was partying. Generally acting like he did in his 20's. then the purchase of the midlife crisis car. I thought it was a phase so didn't worry. The EA was really just the topping on a couple of really shitty years on his part.

I seemed to mature....he seemed to go in reverse!


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 370 | Registered: Aug 2013
brokenniceguy
♂ New Member
Member # 39195
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

young children: yes
financial crisis: no...but WS was in crappy job situation so kind of.
near 40:yes, just shy of it.

Posts: 25 | Registered: May 2013
toughernow
♀ Member
Member # 40915
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YES...YES..and YES.

Affirmative on all three counts.


BS (Me) - 47
WS(Him) -48

Married 23 years - together for 29 years


DDay - June 10th 2012 then TT'd-June 2012 - July 2012 (and beyond????)
2 amazing children

"Understanding love is one of the hardest things in life." - Fred Rogers


Posts: 98 | Registered: Oct 2013
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kids 6 and 8, not near 40, but near 50 for him. Although we've been struggling financially since 2008, we're doing better than ever.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
heme
♀ Member
Member # 40684
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We do have 4 children all 6 and under..
We aren't hurting but we could be better financially. We save a bit each month but I wouldn't say we are overly comfortable.
Neither of us are near 40.


BS: Me (30)
WS: Husband (31)
Married 8 years, together 9
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
D-Day2: May 31, 2014
Children: 5, ages 7, 5, 3, 1 and due in September

Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.


Posts: 205 | Registered: Sep 2013
prowoman
♀ Member
Member # 40761
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes to the trifecta.


me: BS 39 | stbxWH: 46
DD14, DS2
DDAY: Aug12... A continued "underground"
Separated Nov13 and Divorcing
OC Born May 14

Posts: 129 | Registered: Sep 2013
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Young children, yes.

Financially we weren't great, but he was doing great career wise, promotion, etc.

He was 30 when he had his first affair. 35 when it all stopped.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
catatonic
Member
Member # 40758
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Young children, financially stable ( able without a struggle , or me knowing,give her$$), not satisfied in job, thought could be doing better,( not sure if this was to cover mood changes I noticed and brought to his attention), approaching 50 and wanting more!!!..

Posts: 113 | Registered: Sep 2013
Mom4ever
♀ Member
Member # 40516
Helpless  Posted: 12:39 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have 3 kids, youngest is 8. Finances stretched. Told me ILYBINILWY at 42 (approx 3 years ago). I have worked really hard since to make marriage better, to be more submissive, but one person can't fix it. He was diagnosed with low t and started injections. Started working out, over concerned with his appearance and grooming, loss of interest in family, emotionally detached, blamed me for everything, moody, angered easily, and total selfishness. I should have pursued divorce 3 years ago, but desperately wanted to work through our problems. But staying has only made it worse on our kids I think in some ways. But at least I can tell them I tried everything to save our family. I am now being demonized by him and his family. Our oldest 2 kids want nothing to do with him. I just want the pain to end and some peace. This "mid-life" madness is not for the faint at heart and not what I ever imagined. Do they ever realize and take responsibility for what they have done and at least try and rebuild a relationship with their kids?


BW - me 43
WH - 45
M - 23 yrs
D-Day - 6/13/2013
2 DS and 1 DD
Divorcing
There are some things that "sorry" just doesn't fix... But I never even got a "sorry."

Posts: 101 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southeast
Thessalian
♀ Member
Member # 40633
Default  Posted: 12:50 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No kids, average finances with no real problems, he was 34 when behavior started.

For him, it was actually kind of the opposite. Right when we got everything we wanted, he started acting out. Literally like, 8 weeks later.


Me: BW, 30
Him: WH, 36

7 years of double-digit ONS, LTA, hookers - the works.

First found out: August 20, 2013
Whole truth: January 1, 2014


Posts: 163 | Registered: Sep 2013
trudi42
♀ New Member
Member # 40608
Default  Posted: 3:25 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Financial failures - yes
Near 40- yes (41)
Young children - Not young, 14 and 11 which means that family time becomes less and less as they need us less and less and persue their own interests.....leaves a gap to fill (for him to persue his own interests) !


Me: BW (41)
Him: WH (42)
D Day: 22/07/13
~Somewhere between S and R

Posts: 37 | Registered: Sep 2013
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 3:34 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kids were 7 and barely 3. He was 43. I was led to believe we were in good financial shape, but once I filed for D I found out otherwise and was not only hit with his romantic infidelity but his financial infidelity. It was clear that he started gambling and the $30,000 in secret credit card debt didn't lie.

So, yes on all three counts.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2761 | Registered: Jan 2011
ascian
♂ Member
Member # 40304
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No financial failures, but a stressful job transition. An upwards transition, but stressful nonetheless.

And "yes" on the other two. We're neither of us quite 40, but close enough.


Me - BH 39
Her - FWW 36
D-Day: 8/13
Working on R

Posts: 281 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
hangingonin
♀ Member
Member # 29530
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When it first started. He was 47, I was 51. Our son was 16years old. We were financially stable. He was, though, unhappy & bored in his job. He used to work from home one day a week & surf the net - say no more.

Posts: 77 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: SE England, UK
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She stepped out just after she turned 50.

Our kids were then 16, 14 and 11.

Financially we were doing great.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sure there are plenty that can answer YES, YES, and YES to these questions however I don't think there is any special group or set of characteristics that really make this more (or less) likely to happen.

I don't think finances were a factor in my first M, though we had young kids and he started cheating early in our M when he was in his 20's.

In my current M, we were in late 40's, had no children left at home, and yes we had some finanicial issues (or at least were fighting because of stuff he was doing (lying and deceiving me about his spending).


Posts: 5729 | Registered: Apr 2006
tryinginmi
♀ Member
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hubby was 35, just lost his position at work, I lost my job, and we had two young boys. Truthfully he never adjusted from the role of husband to father. That's when I noticed him starting to act out with his spending.


Me - BW 38
Him - FWH 38
Her - MOW 46 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA


Posts: 984 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kids all above 8 yrs of age, financial ruin..CHECK, IN 40'S..CHECK


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4917 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Issaquah
♀ Member
Member # 34484
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First affair he was 28, no kids, and we were rocking financially.

Last A he was 40, 2 school aged kids, and we were doing terribly financially.


BS - Me, 41 SAHM back in grad school
WS - Husband, 43 SA dx in March 2013
T-20, M-18 college sweethearts
Multiple DDays since 1999 - OW's all the way back to engagement
Most recent DDay 8-12,false R 1/13
DD-11, DS 13 with ASD

Posts: 777 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Virginia
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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