Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Momof3bz (44929)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 30 Good days circling the drain
StunnedBeyBelief
♀ New Member
Member # 40054
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS and I made a deal in MC on Oct 1 - I was on my way to sign to start our divorce after that session, but he convinced me that if he could send money to his whore for the month of Oct (100.00 a week) that he would concentrate on us and put it all behind him. I reluctantly agreed. The month has gone fairly well. She has not contacted him (he says) he has not contacted her (he says). He maintains that he knows he was stupid about all this fantasy crap and that he wants a life with me, never considered that I would not be a part of his life(been married 30 years)
So. This morning before leaving for work he looks in his wallet and says he has a few dollars(11 to be exact). I ask what happened to the much more you had when I checked your wallet over the weekend (75 to be exact)? He gives me a song and dance about he must have pulled it out at work and left it with some receipts. Not OK here with me, history is that he has sent thousands of $$ to this whore in another state in the last four months. I called him on his way into work to let him know I wasn't accepting his "story" and he admitted he was hoarding cash and had about $100 put aside. He claims he just wanted to have a few dollars to use for something for me or whatever. I say "bullsh!t" you wanted to send it to her. He says no. I explain to this complete jerk that after what he has done, I WATCH his every effing move, his ever effing tone, his every effing nuance.
That I will never be the blind trusting wife I was 4 months ago and this deceptive behavior tells me that he is still the lying, cheating, thieving sack of sh!t that he has been for the last 10 months. There is no restriction on his access to cash, this is simply a case of him wanting to use money in a way that I would not see, that means for something I would not approve/put up with. Am I over reacting here?


BS-me(52) WS (53)
M 30 years
DD July 21, 2013
TT Until November 23, 2013
R - Work in Progress

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jul 2013
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. No You are not over reacting.
2. Why the HELL is he sending her money????????


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
ionlytalkedtoher
♀ Member
Member # 39802
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my. That would not fly with me at all.

The only money he should be spending is on YOU. he owes her nothing at all. Sending money is Bull.


Posts: 262 | Registered: Jul 2013
KatieG
♀ Member
Member # 41222
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think you're over reacting. As you're in MC and you know about what has happened, it seems he is still not making moves to stop this.

How did he convince you to let him send money to her?

He is being conned and manipulated and as you are a couple, financially tied, the con is affecting you as well.


DD#1 - 6th Oct 13 - TT
DD#2 - 9th Nov 13 - Full disclosure
DD#3 - 12th May 14 - FOG lifted and in R
7 week A, 2 weeks together, rest phone and email - PA and EA

Posts: 441 | Registered: Nov 2013
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Red  Posted: 8:42 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StunnedBeyBelief -

Please remember to follow the Recon guidelines when posting.

There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in this forum.

Please let me know if you would like me to move the thread to General so you can vent.

Thank you.


Posts: 35147 | Registered: Mar 2011
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Before I can honestly respond why would you even agree to such a thing in the first place??? That is not in my opinion a very good thing to try and come to R with. JMO


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
SeeThingsNow1
♀ Member
Member # 38241
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sending her money for a whole entire month? Hmm....uh no

Posts: 115 | Registered: Jan 2013
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why is he sending her money? Why would you ever agree to such a thing in the first place?


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I to wonder why he is sending her $ and why did you agree to this?

He claims he just wanted to have a few dollars to use for something for me or whatever

^^^ What a load of bullshit.
I would push to get to the bottom of this.

Over reacting? Hardly!


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2109 | Registered: Nov 2011
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um no he should not be giving her money


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That money is not his to give.

That money is marital funds, i.e., joint funds.

In essence, he has asked that YOU send the OW $50 each week.

So, he just got you to agree to fund the OW.

This needs to stop now. And he needs to get a part-time job to pay YOU back the money he spent on her.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4802 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but he convinced me that if he could send money to his whore for the month of Oct (100.00 a week) that he would concentrate on us and put it all behind him

If he is sending her money it is not behind him at all.

I think an appropriate extraordinary precaution in your case is for you to hold the purse strings.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1081 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
StunnedBeyBelief
♀ New Member
Member # 40054
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agreed because the 400 to end it seemed like a drop in the bucket. I'm worried enough about the secrecy I've discovered in the last 3 days. I have locked down access to funds and he says he understands why - though he is upset with himself. We are in MC and talked about it last night. MC thinks this might be addiction like behavior so WS is going to seek some help in that arena. I'm trying very hard not to take this behavior personally, he says he wants a life with me and he doesn't want anything from OP anymore, that he wouldn't have sent any more money to her, that he thought he might have used it to go to a strip club if we had a fight. Sometimes there is a pull on his thoughts. So trying to get him help he needs, protect the cash for now and keep my own sanity as level as possible. Thank you for your support - talking here helps me to get it out and calm down.


BS-me(52) WS (53)
M 30 years
DD July 21, 2013
TT Until November 23, 2013
R - Work in Progress

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 13

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.