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Newest Member: EverythingAfter (44970)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Is it me ?
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 3:24 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been noticing lately that if I'm with a member of the opposite sex I tend to get more noticed by women. Last week I was with an attractive female friend of mine. We went out a few times a few years ago but nothing really happened. We became friends after that. Anyway she was feeling ill and needed a ride to the Dr. I volunteered to take her and when we were leaving the doctors office walking to my car she was a few steps ahead of me. Walking in my direction is a very attractive Asian woman. She is staring at me and I noticed. We locked eyes and smiled widely at each other. As she passed I commented on how nice she looked. She turned her head and said that I looked pretty good myself, gave me a little wink and a huge smile. By then my friend was yelling at me to stop flirting and take her home. She seemed a bit pissed and I asked her if she was. She said that flirting with another woman while in her company was a bit rude. And I agreed that it was a tad rude. But I also reminded her kind of jokingly that she had her chance. She said to me that if I were alone that woman would not have even noticed me,let alone flirted. The subject was dropped and I took her home to rest. I usually have some sort of communication with every few days. But I have not heard from her in a week. Maybe its because she was sick or maybe its because she was a bit jealous. It also had me thinking that maybe she was right. Maybe women do notice guys when they are with other females. I'll admit it inflated my ego a bit. Not only because I was flirted with, but because my female friend seemed jealous. Women !!!!


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5658 | Registered: Nov 2007
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 4:08 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the most technical sense, there is no reason for your friend to be upset. You are not together and it seems like everyone is on the same page about that.

Reality, though, is probably quite different. First, she called you to help her with a health issue so odds are she was either frightened or not feeling well at all. She wanted her friend to focus on her 100%.

Second, and most importantly, is that she likely feels very disrespected. Even though you are not together with your friend, the Asian woman did not know that. Your friend easily could have been your wife or girlfriend to a complete stranger. The fact that she was bold enough to smile and flirt with a dude who easily could have been married and to be ballsy enough to do it right in front of the person who could have been his wife, was rude and obnoxious and shows she's definitely not a friend to other women. If that wasn't bad enough, you flirted back so it made the woman who could have been your wife look stupid and as though she wasn't worthy enough of basic respect.

Mars and Venus, right?


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2797 | Registered: Jan 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:56 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mars and Venus, right?

I remember the sad clown talking about how he got so many more 'looks' once he was wearing a wedding ring. Kind of like the guy with a baby phenomena. Its like a ring or a GF/wife is some kind of quality assurance or something.

Sometimes its the classic toddler compulsion of wanting a toy the other kid has.

How would you have felt if the roles were reversed? A little offended? Or care factor zero?

Jealousy is one reason to be miffed, the bro/sister code is another. I don't think I would have been offended at YOUR behaviour because you know you're not a couple but I think I would be a bit leery of the flirty woman.

Beware the woman/man who will openly flirt back with with someone in the company of another where their relationship status is unclear.

But y'know what - we may also be overthinking this. I was once so dazzled by a striking man that I didn't notice his boyfriends incredulous expression at my "Phwoar" face. I was sprung so badly I just blurted out an apology to the boyfriend and bolted.

Do YOU feel more confident or different when you're in the company of an attractive female friend?

I think you like this friend. I don't mean like.... I mean like, like.

I thought her comment was a little unkind, personally. I hope she apologises to you as that was a little below the belt. Wouldn't notice you? Pffft - there's a global man shortage. She noticed you.

Gawd. I don't think I'll ever date seriously again. This code-cracking rigmarole gives me hives even just by proxy.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5559 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do YOU feel more confident or different when you're in the company of an attractive female friend?
That is what I was wondering? If you walk a bit taller and with a bit more confidence, women will notice that.

Also, you were the one that made the first comment. She just commented back.

I agree that I think you have more feelings for this woman than "just friends" and I am thinking that you wanted to let her know what she was missing because obviously other females find you attractive so you may have put yourself out there a bit more than you normally do.

So, now that you know you can get positive reinforcement by smiling and being friendly and making eye-contact, how about doing that more often when you are alone?

Or....do you think there is more going on with your "female friend" than what you are both saying? I mean, you said you dated a bit before, but the interaction on BOTH of your sides over this other woman is showing a bit more than friendship from the both of you.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15231 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like both of you have some unresolved feelings for each other. I think it is a little creepy that the Asian women responded to you that openly, if I see a guy and a girl together, I never assume anything except that they are a couple....therefore off limits. So both the Asian woman, and you, were acting a bit rude/inconsiderate of your friend.

If you haven't heard from her in a week, and it is bothering you...why don't you simply call her??


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4146 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As I said my friend was a few steps ahead of me when this happened. It could have been assumed I was alone at the time. As for my friend, she was the one who wanted to go the platonic route. She is in some sort of self imposed celibacy mode. As I said she is an attractive woman. And she has been hit on in front of me by other men, perhaps not so blatant. But it has happened numerous times. She always claims that she does not notice but she coyly responds back with a big smile and perhaps a few words. We actually shop at this one pet shop where some younger guy is the manager. He is very smitten with her and does not hide that fact. We joke about it a lot, but I can tell she enjoys the attention. So I don't get why she was angry. To be honest I would not mind taking our relationship up a notch as we have much in common. And as a man I certainly find her sexually appealing. But I have respected her wishes and kept things friendly. And for sure if I bring it up she will blow it off as nothing. That's just how she is, she does not wear her heart on her sleeve. I just find it strange that I've encountered female attention much more when I'm with another woman. Friend or not !!!! It used to happen with my XWW a lot. I never flirted back when I was M. But my XWW always would be very jealous when it happened. And look how turned out LOL. I honestly wish people could be honest and speak their mind. This guessing game shit annoys me. I'm too old to be playing games at this point in my life. Thanks for the replies.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5658 | Registered: Nov 2007
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm too old to be playing games at this point in my life.
I feel the same way, but guess what? It NEVER changes. I've seen this kind of stuff go on with an 82 year old friend of mine! and honestly, it is just because people are human and they don't always know what they want.

So, just keep doing what you are doing. Be friendly towards other women and you never know what may happen, but also, with this female friend....keep being her friend. She obviously feels something towards you because when I am hanging with males that I truly consider just friends...I couldn't care less if they flirt with someone else (I may even be the one egging them on!)

I think she has feelings but she may have been hurt badly before and is just not ready for anything. Look....the guy I am seeing now...he was "just a friend" for a year before I finally started dating him. It took me a year to begin to think "hey, he is always there for me" and "hey, he actually cares about me". And I needed, at this point in my life, someone that makes me feel safe and secure. A lot of it is timing, and if she finally becomes ready and you are available, then hey...you never know what may happen. But don't sit around waiting on her either....because, she may never be ready or she may not be ready for something safe and secure. She may still want something wild and risky.

I've learned that a lot of it is timing and the more you get out there and expand your friend base, the better your chance of meeting someone that is in the same place relationship wise as you are.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 9:32 AM, November 4th (Monday)]


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15231 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 7

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