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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I feel like all the joy has left my life
TheThreeYearFool
♀ Member
Member # 41218
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Food tastes like nothing. All the things that would normally make me happy just mean nothing.

I thought my life was wonderful. I thought we were happy together. He told me he loved me every single morning.

Since I found out about his affair I feel so utterly broken. All the things I used to love to do -- reading, running, window shopping, cooking -- are just empty reminders of how deeply unhappy I am.

I can barely eat. I sleep for a few hours each night, then wake up tormented by thoughts of the two of them together. Mornings are the worst, since I'm all alone with my thoughts in the shower and I think back on all the times he's lied to me.

How long will it take until I can be okay?


Me - BW 36
Him - WH 41
Together 12 years, married 7
3 year LTA with former coworker
DDay 10/29/13
He says he wants to R... can I live with what he's done?

Posts: 148 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
whyme1525
♂ Member
Member # 40878
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't offer much advice since my D-Day was only eight weeks ago. I can tell you that you are not alone and I still feel the same way do... I think about how my wife could lie right to my face every day... You are definitely in the right place and there are some very helpful articles and books in the healing library......

Posts: 56 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: whyme1525
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know exactly how you feel. I couldn't eat; I dropped ten pounds without even trying. I dragged myself to work and threw my attention into it fully because it became an escape for me. What you're feeling is totally normal, and no, you will NOT feel this way forever.

I can't tell you how long it will take. We all take different paths with different partners. A lot depends on whether or not your WH is remorseful and willing to do the work of R if that's what you want. If you just want a D like I did, then it helps to do something every day to work toward that goal-- one day, I opened my own bank account; the next day, I started looking at real estate websites in pursuit of a new home. During it all, I made myself stay hydrated, came here and posted tons, cried to my friends and family a lot, and did everything that I could to be in the moment with my kids and try to enjoy our time together. Then, I'd cry my eyes out at night and start all over again the next day.

Just take things day by day. One thing that also helped me was watching really funny TV. I had episodes of Ab Fab that I had borrowed from a family member, and some nights, I did Ab Fab marathons because the shows were pure escapism and allowed me some blessed time away from the agony of the A.

You WILL be okay. Get an IC if you don't have one already. I joined a support group, which helped tremendously because I knew that I wasn't alone.

(((TTYF)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
storm77
♀ Member
Member # 40277
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry you are here. My D Day was the in the middle of August. I love to read and was finally able to focus and finish a book this weekend. This was huge and made me feel like a little of my joy was back. I don't know how long it takes, and I think that is one of the hardest parts.


Me BS:35
Him WS:36
Kids 10 and 3
Embracing the furture. I know that I will be great no matter what the future brings.

Posts: 126 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Chicago
BrokenMomof2
♀ Member
Member # 41219
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My D-day was yesterday. I am in the same mode as you. Not eating, not sleeping. I hide in my room and take more then 2-3 showers a day to hide my crying from my kids.

It still seems like it didn't really happen. All we can do is have faith that one day it will get better.


Me: BS, 30
Him: WH, 31, 1 month EA & PA
Married 9 years
Kids: 2 perfect boys
D-day: Nov 3, 2013
Working on R

Posts: 86 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: ND
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2 years.

2 long years.

Get all the help you can...I got a counselor at a domestic violence center because emotional abuse is domestic violence and their counselors are basically free-- I pay $1.00 per session.

I also called a local treatment center and got into their outpatient program which our ins covered 80% , and they let me pay out the rest. I think over 3/4 of my group was women whose husbands cheated on them Two weeks of 9-3 counseling here was equal to a year of weekly counseling. VERY HELPFUL!!!!!

Please post here often, yall, this group is really helpful and a great place to get a variety of advice from people who have been where you are.

Above all,,,your life is precious and you will make it thru this trauma.

I basically stayed in the shower or tub for a month trying to cry without my children knowing...


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1959 | Registered: Jan 2012
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a book -- Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James Dobson..... He set me straight in the first 2 chapters. This is not a book about being kinder to the affair partner,,, this is a book about how our spouses have crossed the line of respect over and over and will not be tolerated. It is written with just a few words on each page , as it is very difficult to concentrate early on from dday. It was like a map for me, helping me to cope from someone with years of experience in marriage counseling with wayward spouses..... BTW he totally agrees with this site--- 180, No contact until they agree on NC with affair partner, etc, making them face reality by our firm convictions that this behavior will NOT be tolerated under any circumstances....


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1959 | Registered: Jan 2012
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry that you find yourself here. You have found a good place, though.

You are probably in shock. If you were caught blindsided, you're definitely in shock. Having the feeling that you just can't believe this really happened, that you must be dreaming and having some type of nightmare, is your mind not being able to process something so significant. It took me weeks before I fully believed what had happened.

The truth is, you have a road to walk down now. It's a new road. It's not the same road you were walking down before you found out.

I would encourage you to post more of your story, when you are comfortable doing so. This is a safe place. Providing more details will help others reach out in less general ways. For example, is your husband extremely remorseful? This is a critical question.

The time it takes to walk down this new road is, unfortunately, not short. You will be dealing with this, in one way or another, for years. You will feel better again, in many months, not weeks. Take one day at a time. Read in the healing library. Seek help from a therapist, but only one who has had extensive experience helping people who have been betrayed via infidelity.

Don't rush yourself into deciding what to do. You can operate on your timetable.

I'm so sorry. Strength to you.


Me: BH 56.........Her: WW 43
DD: 6..........DS: 4
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 911 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
sad12008
♀ Member
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was just thinking/remembering today about how joy left my life for SO LONG post DDay. My childhood nickname had "joy" in it, for Pete's sake, and I was truly known for smiling. I heard an NPR story about a study that used smiles to predict sundry things...and it reminded me of that long, sad, dark time I didn't and flat-out couldn't smile.

I can't tell you exactly when, but please believe it will return! It's so ungodly hard, where you're at right now. It is a bleak and horrific place. (((TheThreeYearFool)))

My father always quoted the phrase, "This too shall pass." Indeed, that is a true statement. However, in the case of infidelity and the pain of betrayal, it takes a long time.

I'm really glad you've found SI; welcome! Keep reading & posting & you'll find a laugh here and there and an occasional smile. Every bit helps. Believe me when I say we've started where you are. It WILL get better, but the thrashing around in uncertainty and hellacious pain is really enough to make a body wonder if it's possible to overcome. Just know it will happen....I wish there was a "fast-forward" button to offer you.


"Everybody's life is hard. You look at life, and it's not a cakewalk. You've got to be able to bounce back." --Neil Young, father to two children with CP, another with epilepsy, and otherwise experientially qualified to comment

Posts: 3853 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
Topic Posts: 9

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