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User Topic: Marriage isn't for you.
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

I thought this article was so profound. THIS is how to answer every person who said they cheated because their spouse wasn't making them "happy".


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
deena
♀ Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love that guys dad's thinking.
What a great father and husband he must be!
Thank you "damncutekitty" for sharing this


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 3068 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very cool.

And very true.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Area2
♀ Member
Member # 37797
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great sentiment, thanks for sharing.


Me: BW 50's
Him: WH 60ish
Married all my adult life
LTA, in limbo re: R

Posts: 71 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Eastern seaboard
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If both spouses don't believe it, the beauty and truth of the words don't come to much.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
cuppacoffee
♀ Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

love it!


As the husband is slowly starting to realize (after 13 years of marriage!)


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
brokendancer7
♀ Member
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting article. That is what I always believed and tried to do.

...the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive.

Unfortunately, not always.


Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA


Posts: 197 | Registered: Jul 2013
Kierst13
♀ Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate to be there when reality hits this young man right between the eyes. It will be incredibly painful.

The entire article assumes both people feel that way about marriage, but when you have a self centered person enter into a marriage with a person focused on their spouse's happiness, nurturing and success life takes a horrible turn.

It seems very happily-ever-after and Camelot wishes to me. I would like to see what he writes after 2-3 toddlers under foot, a mortgage and two full time working parents running on little to no sleep.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
Kierst13
♀ Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If both spouses don't believe it, the beauty and truth of the words don't come to much.

BINGO!


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love this article and love the dad


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1781 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If both spouses don't believe it, the beauty and truth of the words don't come to much.

This.

Best friends for ten years before you started dating, marrying your best friend? That was me and my XH. Giving more than you get? That was me. Lying, cheating and using me? That was him.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 10:25 PM, November 3rd (Sunday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13811 | Registered: Jul 2011
Lostinthismess
♀ Member
Member # 39210
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Such a true message. I just wish infidelity wasn't mixed in our story now. Why couldn't he have seen the truth before?????


'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'

Posts: 331 | Registered: May 2013
1Bite2Shy
♀ Member
Member # 36430
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't get this. I feel like it's enabling a codependent look on marriage - that if you're not happy, keep trying to make your spouse happy and that will make you happy.

Also, why must we equate happiness and love? I love my husband, but I am most certainly not happy with him all the time. But, my being happy with him or not does not alter my entire life. We move forward, and we move backward, but the goal is that we're there together. Neither one of us trying to out-happy the other.


D Day : July 30 2012
Trying to R.

Posts: 87 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: US
TrulySad
♀ Member
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love the article.

Of course we all know the hard way that not everyone will be giving enough to love another in this way. It doesn't make it any less true, or helpful.

Thanks for sharing


Me: Sad, but I will survive

True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.


Posts: 459 | Registered: Jun 2013
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now if only my POS STBXH had learned that our marriage wasn't about him. I was the selfless one, I was the one that poured understanding and love back into him when he was a real shit to me for no damn reason (or so I thought during the A).
I should have realized a lot sooner that once shame on you twice shame on me and left his sorry ass. Thank you Shrekf...er for cheating so you could finally free me.
Next time around, I will be the same loving, selfless person, but I'll make sure my SO is too!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2336 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Topic Posts: 15

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