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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Anxious today
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just need to get this out so I can hopefully move on with my day.

On Thursday, ex-shat said that he was taking his extended parenting time on Sunday night, keeping Teslet overnight and getting him to school Monday morning.

Okay, you know what, just typing that out made me see what a fucking moron he is. He's trying to have his weeknight visitation (you know, the four hours that is preferably taken on a midweek evening to promote a stable and consistent relationship with the child) on Sunday night. Then he's trying to say that because distance is not a factor that he gets to keep Teslet overnight and take him to school tomorrow. Trust me, that's not how the guidelines are read at all. I told him he misunderstood them and that I would have my lawyer clarify that for him.

All morning, I've been freaking out that he's going to have stripper-whore-fiancee show up here today to pick Teslet up. Or that he is going to show up demanding his visitation.

What the fuck is wrong with me?...it looks so stupid when I type it out...why am I worried about this?

If she shows up, I'm turning her ass around with an apology that her boyfriend continues to misunderstand his visitation schedule.

If he shows up, I'm telling him to take his paperwork to law enforcement because I don't read the guidelines that way.

I hate that I'm allowing him to ruin my morning.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4683 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
anewday78
♂ Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it might help you to remember two key facts that will always help you regain control over any situation involving these two yahoos:
1. You're smarter than him - and he knows it by now.
2. She's intimidated by you because she looks to him as the "smart" one in their partnership but very much knows that you're smarter than him.

If you always channel that character you've developed throughout your drama with them - approaching their lunacy with an emotionless, poised, firm, and matter-of-fact response - you will win every time. It's just a matter of taking a deep breath after the initial shock of their latest antics sets in and remembering the role you play in this drama.


Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So he thinks that he can just decide that he's going to replace a 4-hour period of placement with an overnight one?

.....it's always *something* with this guy, isn't it?


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8073 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((tesla))))

Any chance that you guys won't be home if/when one of the moronic duo arrives?

((((tesla))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2604 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I don't know why it's bothering me so much. Stressed and tired from all his shit the last few weeks. Must be flashing back to the person I used to be when I was married. I used to always get worked up over his unpredictability.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4683 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((tesla)))) You've got this, honey. You've got a plan no matter what way this day unfolds, right? Breathe deeply.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25680 | Registered: Aug 2011
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So proud of you for reaching out to vent and for support. It's clear as day to everyone here that he is trying … really trying … to "win" something so this is what he has come up with. He wants you to react as former-tesla not THE tesla. He is trying to wear you down.

Being on "high-alert" as you have been these past few weeks is wearing you down. Acknowledge this and act appropriately, for example, take it easy today (if you can), do something nice for you.

You have a great plan if either of them show up. It's solid. I hope you are able to enjoy your Sunday.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2264 | Registered: Oct 2012
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This guy sounds like a real winner. Good think for you hevisnt too smart ! I am sorry.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 676 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What ended up happening?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13787 | Registered: Jul 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you anxious or pissed off? I'm going through a pissed off phase myself about the fact that I have to deal with this baboon for most of the next 16 years.

Doesn't matter whether or not what he does or doesn't do actually impacts me or the girls in a real way the fact that I have to have a strategy to deal with him at all or that I have to think about WTF the fucker is trying to pull just.pisses.me.off.

Could also be a hangover from the nanosecond you thought he wasn't going to be a fuckwit forever.

I wish he was doing this to develop a relationship with his son. Alas, it is purely a a power struggle with you to try to counter the spectacle he made of himself in court.

Bracing yourself for a confrontation that may or may not come. Chinese water torture.

Ugh. Just ugh.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5608 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
JustDone
♀ Member
Member # 9742
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope everything went well yesterday, tesla.

Thinking of you...


Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past.

Nobody forgets what happens, the secret is learning to live with it.


Posts: 2795 | Registered: Feb 2006
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nothing happened. All that bark and no bite. No text, no one showing up.

I really did fall back into the person I used to be in our marriage yesterday. That was fucking miserable. I hate being that person, she was hopeless and had little power and control. She was such a fucking doormat. I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn't that person anymore, I have control, I can tell him to go fuck off now!

I had to text him about a medical procedure that Teslet needs to undergo (nothing serious). They want the money up front then will reimburse the medical card holder after the insurance claim goes through. Yeah, we all know how this is going to end up with ex-shat (Teslet is on his insurance). So I was trying to figure out how to deal with that too. (No worries, I have it figured out, I can have the procedure done a different way that will not require money up front...but will require additional visits...so I'm giving ex-shat a choice, he can front the money and we'll settle the out of pocket expenses after the ins claim OR I will elect the second way of doing the procedure. He has not responded yet, I doubt he will.)

And I want to switch Teslet's play therapist but they require that both parents sign consent forms. Ex-shat is never going to sign but I'm still going to try to get them to see Teslet...so that's causing stress because they are starting to talk bad about me to Teslet and I really want Teslet to have coping strategies that come from an independent 3rd party and not from me.

I'm still waiting for the decision from last Tuesday's hearing. Why the fuck is it taking so long??? I want to move on to obtaining the garnishment.

I guess that I'm pissed that I have to deal with an asshole that doesn't actually care about his son. I always knew that he was selfish but to use Teslet to 'get' at me really pisses me off. It's the new thing that I have to work through. Here I thought that I had worked through everything but nooooo, asshole has to take his fuckery to a new level. I mean, for god's sake, isn't it enough that he cheated on me with a 20 year old stripper that he knocks up, breaks into my house to steal the wrong dog, doesn't show up to settlement conferences, fucks around and doesn't pay CS for several months, takes my son to Disney World to show what an awesome guy he is, steals my half of the tax refund, acts like an ass after he gets served, tells me he will always love me and I deserve better, tries to bully the school into what he wants, and shows up with his supportive stripper-whore-fiancee at court????
Jesus Christ, isn't it enough???? But now he has to take the fuckery to a level that I can not and never will comprehend: using my sweet, wonderful little boy as a pawn.

Well fuck that guy.
My life is too awesome to let that fucker's stupidity make me feel anxious. I'm going to keep living my awesome life and he can take my ass to court if he thinks that I'm interfering with his visitation rights. Judging by his last court appearance, I'm not worried.

But soon he'll be distracted. He has a wedding to plan. We just eloped, I wasn't into weddings or all the traditions. Something tells me that stripper-whore-fiancee is gonna get herself a white trashy wedding and that level of epic trash is not going to come cheap.

I'm sooooo tempted to host a G2G to coincide with the date of the wedding.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4683 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our Ex's are related. I'm sure of it.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are awesome. Don't ever forget it.

It had to be scary going back to feeling like you did when you were married to him -- but what a good reminder of how far you've come now.

Ex-shat is such a loser. Sometimes he's so ridiculous that I think you're a TV producer trying out insane story lines for a show to see if anyone would buy it, but I know that's not the case. Can you imagine what shell of a person you'd have become if he'd never cheated and you'd spent the rest of your life with such a loser? (I think about that regarding myself. It's not pretty. We dodged a bullet.)


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3400 | Registered: Dec 2011
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are an incredible person and he is the biggest fuck up who never deserved you or that beautiful boy.

Even once we've reached healing milestones, we can still fall back into the mess of our past every once in a while. We just have to pick ourselves up and start moving forward again.

You are one of the most inspiring people on SI, you are strong and funny and amazing, and one of the most incredible mothers ever.

Thank you for the inspiration you provide to all of us every day. ((tesla))


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sooooo tempted to host a G2G to coincide with the date of the wedding.

I did this for a friend when her XH married the bunny boiler. When's the wedding? I an sure we (SI) can come up with something!

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5249 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sooooo tempted to host a G2G to coincide with the date of the wedding.

I dont know where in Indy you are from, but I would totally be all over that.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm turning her ass around with an apology that her boyfriend continues to misunderstand his visitation schedule.
Oh, you HAVE to do this!


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3385 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is a g2g that I would seriously try my best to attend!


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 19

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