He had a problem and was vomiting all the time. It started slowly and just progressed to being out of hand before we realized it. It's like I just realized one day that all I was doing was cleaning up cat vomit.
So, Waywardson took him to the vet about a year ago. We were prepared to let him go that day and we all said our goodbyes.
I was surprised to see him in the carrier when Waywardson returned home. The doc said he had a palpable tumor and gave him some meds to stop the vomiting, but said we'd need to make the decision when that no longer worked.
Well, it stopped working, but I wasn't ready to give up on him, so I asked if he could have some sort of pain management. Pain meds have worked really well for him over the last year, but his disease seems to be progressing.
I can't handle this cat. He's very aggressive with me, but not Waywardson.
He's been vomiting, sometimes, after he eats, again.
This morning, Waywardson gave him meds before leaving for work. Happy was asking for food and I fed him. He threw it up and it had all of his meds in it. Waywardson was supposed to be at work until around midnight. Happy got aggressive with the other cats, I tried to med him which ended with me screaming, crying, slightly bleeding, no meds in the cat, and he may have hurt himself trying to get away, so he's been hiding ever since.
Waywardson is coming home for a few minutes to med him, then going back to work.
I think I just realized today that it's gone too far and we need to let him go, but I always feel so guilty- like maybe I could have done more, maybe a different med, etc. Still, I know we've exhausted all of our avenues and it's not fair to him to keep him around.
He's fine when his pain is controlled. He plays, rolls around, eats... but when something like today happens, he's miserable and so is everyone else.
I think I'm asking y'all to help me come to terms with this.
He was struggling with pain about a week ago and I found him under the bed. The three others were under there with him, like they were watching over him. They KNOW something's wrong. Tootie was sticking right by him today, even though he had just smacked the crap out of him.
I'm just so conflicted.
It's no way for him to live.
It comes down to quality of life, don't you think? And *of course* your other pets know something is wrong. I'd bet they knew before you or Waywardson.
It's hard but you both need to love him enough to let him go.
I'm so sorry.
All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.
See, he doesn't LOOK that sick.
I know it's not fair and we decided after his last bad day that the next one would be 'it'. Funny, he always has bad days on the weekends or holidays and gets all perky and playful when Monday arrives, so it's hard to make that decision then!
I've had a cat that I had to tube feed after he had a similar condition to this one. I TOLD the vet to let him go on the table, if it looked like that's what would happen, anyway. She didn't do it and she installed a feeding tube. I was responsible for pushing some sort of food/water/med down the tube every two hours. He only lasted a week or so before he let me know he was ready to go.
I've had a cat with Megacolon that I had to give enemas every day, sometimes multiple times a day.
There are other stories like those, but those two are the worst. Each time, we agreed that we wouldn't do as much the next time because we don't know at what point it becomes torture for them.
I know you will make the right decision for Happy...I had to make that decision not long ago for my kittie who had breast cancer...She lived almost a year after we first found it...It was the fast growing kind...She started hiding in the house and was losing weight...So I knew and she knew it was time...
You probably gave Happy a much better life by being so attentive to his needs...So please don't beat yourself up..If he could talk to you, he would say thank you for loving me...
((((Hugs to TIKY, Happy, and Waywardson)))))))
Sending you and waywardson strength and comfort.
((((tiky, waywardson, happy))))
ETA: He's such a handsome boy.
[This message edited by nowiknow23 at 12:09 AM, November 3rd (Sunday)]
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in." -Cohen
You know how to do right by him. No more suffering.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.