I asked everything I could think of, but my WH was minimal in his answers. Of course, his was 3 years, and much of his experience is the same thing over and over. Traveling on business, hotels, her staying 1-3 days. It's big and it's ugly.
For me, I never felt that I understood my H feelings, his affect, what really happened when the hotel room doors closed, what they talked about etc.
Recently, I started reading a blog by a woman who struggled and wrote about that, but I also found a blog by "the other woman" and it was very helpful. For other people this might trigger them and may not be helpful, but seeing the other woman's take on the affair (not my OW) was helpful. It is hard to read. Because my WH has a hard time showing emotion, and is very reserved, I think that he minimized what happened, particularly when it started. I wish I didn't need to know all the details.
If you want want the link to her blog, send me a personal message and I will send it.