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User Topic: Mommy porn....
rachelc
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Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just another voice to add:
I don't know why, but I hate the Twilight series, Hunger Games is a little better (Girl power!) and sappy romance novels disgust me. I thought Jane Eyre was too romantic.

I'm not sure why I think this as I really wanted the fairy tale marriage...

And the Little House series - what would Pa do? Remember when he had some gal hit on him, told him he had soft hands and he said it was from shoveling manure! Now that's boundaries!


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4914 | Registered: Dec 2010
million pieces
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Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Probably from my own experience and my close friends' experiences, but porn had really no role in their As. I have one college friend who had an extensive porn collection that was discovered later, but he was one sick MF and was soliciting people on CL. Pretty sure it wasn't just because of the porn, but how much of an asshole he was from day one (can you tell I never liked the bastard!). I had (HAD) two girlfriends that cheated, one was a HUGE romance novel reader, but her issues were much bigger than reading too much Nora Roberts.

My problem with porn is that it is changing the norm with what younger guys expect in women (and vice versa). Nothing really A related. I'm not talking soft or regular porn, but the shit my guy friends tell me about. Yes, "two girls and a cup" and others but that was several years ago, I'm sure there is sicker crap out there now.

I don't know, I haven't seen a porn since the 80s when a bunch of my friends found one of our father's collections and decided that viewing "debby does dallas" was an excellent idea. Most of us were virgins at that time and it certainly was an eye opener. Can't say I've ever jumped a copier repair guy, so I don't think it affected me.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1244 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And I'm sorry, I can't really compare the fantasy of being romanced with flowers and words in the same ballpark at all as the fantasy of fucking an entire cheerleader squad. Guys have the chance of brushing up on their romance skills, I can never turn into multiple cheerleaders


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1244 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On the contrary, man-porn data shows a strong link to adultery.
There''s no real data for this, or real data for brain-melting or anything else like that.

Well I think we''re a sample set of 40K plus and from our data pool we can extrapolate a correlation between selfishness & adultery. Sigh. We know this is the root cause of adultery and we don''t need brain scans or academic literature to prove it.

As for porn, if you''re interested in its effects psychologically check out: http://yourbrainonporn.com

Of the many things it talks about is that visual pornography interrupts attachment. So yes, an unhealthy addiction to visual pornography can affect the attitudes of the addict and cause them to change their behaviors that are not in favor of their marriage.

As for romance lit ... it promotes attachment and warm fuzzies. So I don''t think it would interrupt an M the same way visual pornography does. But what it can do - if you subsist on it - is give the reader a very unrealistic expectation of what romance is, as in it promotes the message that romance *always* wins. The earlier posters were correct. In romance fiction, women are portrayed as strong, independent, and maybe faced with some seemingly insurmountable challenge. Men are portrayed as extremely emotional but they don''t show it, they only let down their guard, eventually, with the heroine. Infidelity is unacceptable. So too is domestic violence. Essentially, romance novels follow the exact same protagonist story arc that movies follow. So the end is obvious and predetermined, no matter what happens all is forgiven, and there are no complications other than the heroine''s or hero''s own stubbornness.

My issues with romance lit is the same as my issues with women''s magazines. They promote stereotypes and can - if you are relying on them for information or models - make one stupid. Romance lit rarely has an IT programmer as a hero, he''s always a cop or construction worker, you know "manly" jobs. And don''t get me started on Cosmo!

An occasional romance lit read to get some warm fuzzes and escape the pressures of the day? Meh, I don''t see a problem. Watching some youporn to help release some sexual tension and escape the pressures of the day? Not a problem.

But subsistence? Or using it after an A when either one were a factor? Trigger fucking city. I myself now have no tolerance for visual porn thanks to xWHs abuse of it and expectation that I would participate and be like the women in the videos. Nothing like your husband raping you to change your interest in watching visual porn. Imho.

[This message edited by cayc at 8:00 AM, November 2nd, 2013 (Saturday)]


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3082 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
StillGoing
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Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And I'm sorry, I can't really compare the fantasy of being romanced with flowers and words in the same ballpark at all as the fantasy of fucking an entire cheerleader squad. Guys have the chance of brushing up on their romance skills, I can never turn into multiple cheerleaders

This is a good point to focus on for a sec.

Comparing romancing with flowers and dinner to being gang fucked by a bunch of robot cheerleaders is a false dichotomy and two entirely different.. genres, for lack of a better pre-coffee word.

There's an entire genre of porn dedicated to erotic/romantic sex. I think it gets very little public attention because it's not the kind of stuff angry parents discover on their teenage sons USB sticks or browsing history. It's just a couple of people lovingly having sex, nothing weird or messed up or even creepy.

Gang banging cheerbots is IMO as creepy and weird as dating a pedophile vampire or being taken on retainer by a billionaire for unimaginatively kinky sex and the entire world not calling that prostitution.

Not all stories, films, memes and so on are created equal - I can get into the horror genre and enjoy some of that stuff but WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT HUMAN CENTIPEDE WAS A GOOD IDEA!?!?

Also, t/j - Hunger Games is a sci fi post-apoc, not a romance novel. Also, it is awesome. End t/j

eta:

wrt to the yourbrainonporn site again, it's junk science and propaganda. There is nothing substantive behind it.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 8:29 AM, November 2nd (Saturday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7444 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
SisterMilkshake
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Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

t/j - Hunger Games is a sci fi post-apoc, not a romance novel. Also, it is awesome. End t/j
Agree!


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9650 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's an entire genre of porn dedicated to erotic/romantic sex.

But I'm betting that those that do more than casual viewing of porn are not just looking at these kinds of porn.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1244 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
curiouswiz
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Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This thread makes me think about the phrase "Things that make you go hmm.."

I've watched porn with my STBX, many years ago. I've seen little of it but have on an occassion "enjoyed" it. The one thing that I remember so clearly about that one particular night was that I wanted to watch the porn. I was "enjoying" it. I wanted STBX to hold me and watch it with me. I wanted to watch it then head to bed to "make love". He wanted to start fooling around and I said NO. I want to watch it. The look on his face? Priceless. We watched and went to bed and made love. So, what the hell does that mean?

I've only had a handfull of vivid dreams and only ONE of a sexual nature. The main character is on tv every day. He's a big star. He's a big man. I get excited no matter what he's doing, wearing, saying. He turns me on.

In my dream we were in bed, fully clothed and kissing. He lifted his head up with a tilt and looked directly into my eyes and asked me "What about STBX?" It was a dream that woke me in the morning and I looked at STBX and said you won't believe the dream I just had!!!! It was a shock to me that I had it.

I told him the entire dream. I told quite a few people that day because it was so very vivid and I thought it was funny. Everyone knows I just love this actor. They tell me it's creepy! LOL! My son told me it's creepy, everyone else just looks at me as though I've gone completely mad because how can I love this particular man? He's not a major star because of his looks, though he's not bad, he's just an average man.

Since then I've come to realize it was my subconcious telling me that STBX was cheating on me and I hadn't acknowledged it yet on a conscious level. I came to understand this well after DD as I questioned so many things from that time.

Being on the "SI Bus" for nearly 3 years now I reached out to the Fifty Shades book to "help" me. I forced myself to read it. I stopped after the first chapter. It does not excite me beyond a voyeauristic experience. I want the romance.

Not the romance of fairy tales. The romance of my husband loving me in a warm and comforting way. It's flowers when I don't expect them. I think I miss the unexpected flowers as much as the warmth of his hugs. I want to know he loves me. I want kindness, compassion, understanding.

I found a bag of xxx rated magazines in my home in Boston recently that must have belonged to shitlicker's fiance'. (I know I haven't updated my saga recently but he was living there too.) It's sitting upstairs in the bag, waiting for me to "test the waters" to see if I can be "kind" to myself and release some tension in an innocent way. I'm saving porn...??..!! I'm waiting to give myself a tiny bit of relaxation. I'm hoping my crazy mind will allow me to relax enough to just be good to myself.

That's what porn is to me on a personal level. On a social level I'm appalled by it. On a responsible level I'm saddened by it. Why? Because they ARE real people. Because there is porn that is so obviously not a happy experience for the people "performing" nor the people "receiving". Look at the faces instead of the body and a totally different experience is going on there in those faces. It's a JOB.

I hope this makes sense? LMAO! What I "think" I'm trying to say is that like all things in this world it depends on your individuality. Your morals, your sense of integrity, your inner soul. Who are you? What makes you tick? For some it's a deal breaker. For some it's so fundamentally wrong it's a shock to the heart as well as the mind. For others it's harmless, but, let's not forget the "industry" that creates it.


God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
cayc
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Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wrt to the yourbrainonporn site again, it's junk science and propaganda. There is nothing substantive behind it.

As a scientist, I respectfully disagree. There's some speculative stuff sure, but there is also posts from actual studies. It's science, scraping away at the margins. I'm with Karl Popper, it's falsification (keep trying different avenues to see what you see) not Kuhn's paradigms (hang out in the accepted lane of the road).

But hey, call it "junk science" and you can dismiss anything!

I stand by the original point. Obsessive use of porn disrupts attachment to other people by the addict.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3082 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
circe
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Member # 6687
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's some speculative stuff sure, but there is also posts from actual studies. It's science, scraping away at the margins. I'm with Karl Popper, it's falsification (keep trying different avenues to see what you see) not Kuhn's paradigms (hang out in the accepted lane of the road).

But hey, call it "junk science" and you can dismiss anything!

There's a good mix of science, pseudoscience, speculation, misinterpretation of real science, restatement of speculation as if it is fact, and extreme paraphrasing. To get to the primary scientific research from that site can take you through layers of blogs, comic strips, blogs citing other blogs that cited the discussion section of a primary research article, and then sometimes real science. So yes, there is some real science in there, mixed in with the garbage and sensationalism.

"Junk science" to me is something different. That website to me is more a good example of "agenda driven" - selectively choosing real science that matches the agenda. It doesn't make the science they selectively paraphrased junk, but what material they choose to put in, the way they choose to interpret the data, and the material they choose to leave out doesn't make their message reliably accurate either.


Posts: 3191 | Registered: Mar 2005
StillGoing
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Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But I'm betting that those that do more than casual viewing of porn are not just looking at these kinds of porn.

That was kind of the point.



As a scientist, I respectfully disagree. There's some speculative stuff sure, but there is also posts from actual studies. It's science, scraping away at the margins. I'm with Karl Popper, it's falsification (keep trying different avenues to see what you see) not Kuhn's paradigms (hang out in the accepted lane of the road).

But hey, call it "junk science" and you can dismiss anything!

I stand by the original point. Obsessive use of porn disrupts attachment to other people by the addict.

I'm not calling it junk science because I want to dismiss it because I'm an idiot or something. I'm assuming that's what you mean because I can't really see any other point to what you said.

Whether or not the original point was that obsessive use of porn disrupts attachment to others has nothing to do with the junk science of YBOP. They are, IMO, two separate issues. Yes, obsessive use of anything by any addict will disrupt pretty much everything. Yes, people can become addicted to watching porn. That's not an issue I disagree with.

What I disagree with and consider junk science is exactly what circe points out - the selective choice of real science to promote an agenda. I consider that junk science, because it isn't about finding truths, it's about building a case.

I consider that activity to be incredibly harmful, because I believe that addiction to these things is very real, and sending people down the wrong road only makes it worse.

Finally, I am deeply suspicious of any site that goes out of its way to call itself Secular, but invites "all opinions" and shares no links to any actual secular organizations that I can see. There are enough religious smurf fronts out there doing that kind of shit to boost their own credibility that I have a hard time trusting any "secular" group that calls itself as much and isn't a part of a secular humanist organization.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7444 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
ionlytalkedtoher
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Member # 39802
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I personally think its the same. never read twilight. never read 50 shades..or anything like that.

a part of the man brain gets stimulated in porn and a part of the female brain gets stimulated in mommy porn.


Posts: 262 | Registered: Jul 2013
Bigger
♂ Member
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder what realistic, down-to earth mommy porn would sound like:

“She felt her heart beat jump when her husband took out the trash without having to remind him. In the twilight his bald-spot gave an exotic glow masking his beer gut. Finally the kids were at her parents for the night. After ten years together they were finally alone, the whole night ahead of them and both looking forwards to going to bed together. Both determined to try something new: getting eight hours of uninterrupted sleep”.


"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5550 | Registered: Sep 2005
SisterMilkshake
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Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9650 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
HardenMyHeart
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Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bigger for the win!


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5646 | Registered: Aug 2007
cuppacoffee
♀ Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

two girls one cup AND human centipede references.


oh i heart you guys.


I read 50 shades because I thought it would help me get a little more comfortable with the stuff the husband is into.

It didn't. The husband has viewed pron in that genre that totally creeps me out. I did 'pose' for him so he has that to look at instead of pron.
Obvisiously that didn't do me any good since he f@cked a skank.


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
confused615
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Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Except for the beer gut and the bald spot, Bigger, I swear you just described my night last night.

Hmm. I indulged in "mommy porn." Who knew?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7402 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
JanaGreen
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Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Argh, I am with SG on this. The phrase "mommy porn" is killing me. Do we belong to some inferior subset of women after giving birth, and our sexuality is now a joke? Ugh.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6726 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
SeanFLA
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Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder if any of this is any different from WS's not being able to separate fantasy with reality in their A's. My exWW said one of the reasons they did it was because it was fantasy. I said well to you it probably was and seemed romantic or something. But to him it was all about sweet talking you into bed...and it worked because you fell for it. It wasn't romantic to him whatsoever. Just a willing good looking woman to have sex with in a hotel room far from his spouse and her husband.

I believe healthy people can do the porn thing as long as they are able to separate life and on screen fantasy. If you can't then you probably need help. To me it's no different then healthy people separating on screen violence from going on a real life shooting rampage we experience on the evening news these days.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1466 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
SisterMilkshake
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Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Mommy Porn" just sounds so very condescending. I agree with SG and jana. I don't buy into what, I feel, is the media hype of "mommy porn".


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9650 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
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