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User Topic: The other woman didn't know about me
Gumdropped
♀ Member
Member # 40798
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wondering how things rolled out when your DDay hit and if you confronted the other woman - I sent her an e mail. She didn't know about me. Even then she tried to cover up their meeting saying they were just good friends. That was until I told her I had read her e mail to him after their meeting. It professed how she wished she had said and done more with him and hoped that he wanted a relationship with her. Did anyone here ever hear from the OW some time later when she had time to think? For some reason even after 6 months I 1. Find it hard to believe that they just went NC after the 15 months of the online thing they had and 2. If I was her I would be furious being lied to- my SO is telling me that they just cut off all contact. I have this fear that she is going to try to contact me at some point. Hmmmmmm


Me: 56
Him: 60
Together 2 1/2 years


Living together 14 months
D day May 13th 2013
R


Posts: 201 | Registered: Sep 2013
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I was her I would be furious being lied to- my SO is telling me that they just cut off all contact.

It's possible that, even if she did not know directly, she may have had a strong suspicion. But, let's just say we give her the benefit of the doubt, then there is no reason for her to be angry at you. You also don't know what your SO has told the OW. My guess is that he has been lying to both of you.

At this point it is tough to judge her motivations or actions with so little information.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5695 | Registered: Aug 2007
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Idk, if I found out that the man I was seeing was married, I'd kick him to the curb immediately and never look back. Also, her beef is with HIM, not you, so if she's going to contact anyone I would think it would be your WH.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Gumdropped
♀ Member
Member # 40798
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes that's what I have thought. She doesn't have anything to be angry with me about. He did lie to both of us. Actually 3 of us as I know he was stringing 2 of them along at the same time. The other one had trouble letting go even after I sent her an e mail thru his account. He did block her. But the one he met is the one that causes me the most trouble. I have pics that she sent him over the year and a half and she was really workin it! As he said immediate NC happened I have asked for the last 4 months of cell phone records to prove it. If they did just sever it completely I will find out on those records because after that DDay in May he has kept his lap top use to a minimum. So I would assume that if she was raging at him for lying she would have done it thru the phone.


Me: 56
Him: 60
Together 2 1/2 years


Living together 14 months
D day May 13th 2013
R


Posts: 201 | Registered: Sep 2013
Alex CR
♀ Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The OW lived in another country and H told her he was a widow. Pretty sure she believed that for a while but as the years went on (a five year LTA when he was in her country) H says she started to question him, but that didn't stop her from continuing the affair.

I never reached out to her. She tried to contact H about four months after Dday but he had blocked her. Have to say her email response to his after Dday saying he loved his wife of 29 years did display shock more than anger..so maybe that's why she tried again to write four months later....to vent.

Either way the OW means nothing in our life...she is just the hole my H used to feed his ego. And it could have been any hole that was ready to stroke his ego, be there when he wanted and not there when he didn't.

That being said, my H and I have talked several times about what would happen if she called, emailed or, horrors, we ran into her when we travel. We have a plan in place and others have written they've done the same.

Maybe that would help with your fear if you and your H made a plan of exactly what the two of you will do and then at least you're prepared, just in case.

Take care of yourself.


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1713 | Registered: Mar 2010
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She doesn't have anything to be angry with me about.
This is the one thing that really kills me about AP's. How angry and hateful they are towards the BS's. WTF???!!!!????

I don't even know the OW and she hates me. I don't know the OW and I hate it, but, hey you were fucking my FWH. I have righteous anger.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9798 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is the one thing that really kills me about AP's. How angry and hateful they are towards the BS's. WTF???!!!!????

Anger is often the emotion expressed as a surrogate for other emotions. It would not be unusual for a person who is embarrassed by their actions towards another to express anger towards that person when the feel shame. Projection of anger (anger towards WS or self for being duped) is another possibility. I am not saying this is right, or always the explanation, just that it is not uncommon.


FBS 54
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4133 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
sparkly1
♀ New Member
Member # 41155
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She didn't know about me. She had been told that we had filed for divorce and that I was a blood sucking estranged wife. She found out the truth one night, kicked him to the curb and called me at work to fill me in the very next workday. I had suspected something, but she lives in a different state and I couldn't prove anything. He was truly living a double life.

Posts: 9 | Registered: Oct 2013
Whatdoido333
♀ Member
Member # 36597
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The OW knew me alright.....she's been to my house and I was to hers when I thought they were really just friends.

I was just told by my WH that the OW hates me...Why I ask....because I made too much of their relationship!!!

So WH and OW can send emails, text, call each other, plAn new lives together...and I made too out of it? And how does she know? I certainly didn't tell her all that. In fact, on my therapists advice I haven't spoken to her in over a year.


Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2012
Gumdropped
♀ Member
Member # 40798
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At the beginning right after D day in May I wrote the OW outing his lies. She said they were just friends - god I hate that term! What I wanted to do, and still do, is send an e mail to them both - as there were two of them being strung along. Obviously neither of them knew about me and they didn't know about each other. I find it VERY hard to beleive that the one that he had met didn't vent some kind of rage at him for his lies to her. Thats why I want thoase phone records. He did say that she phoned him the next day to say that she hoped we could work things out.... does that sound like any of the OW we have heard about on this site? She was just toooooooo nice about it. This was after she paid over $500.00 to fly and see him on a business trip - a few drinks, dinner, and then he left her at her hotel room. And then to find out that he had a girlfriend that he had been living with for months? I just cant' get over the fact that NC was so swift and that they didn't have contact after DDay......


Me: 56
Him: 60
Together 2 1/2 years


Living together 14 months
D day May 13th 2013
R


Posts: 201 | Registered: Sep 2013
Gumdropped
♀ Member
Member # 40798
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update: He is bringing home his phone records tonight for the 3 months that I asked him for - question - should I go over them with him sitting there or should I wait until I have some time alone? I don't want to have to ask him which way he wants me to look at the records - I want control of that. One part of me says that he is so willing because he has indeed had NC sine D Day - one part of me is terrified that he doesn't remember and if I do find contact it is going to trigger me and another blow will be dealt to our R......


Me: 56
Him: 60
Together 2 1/2 years


Living together 14 months
D day May 13th 2013
R


Posts: 201 | Registered: Sep 2013
Chippednotbroken
♀ Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW didnt know about me or our kids. He said we were divorced. I texted her to ask if they had sex. She seemed pretty shocked to hear from me. He never even broke it off with her. Just went and changed his number and never spoke to her again. I found it hard to believe that after a year of texting every day that he just went cold turkey. But his new phone has been broken and I do mean cracked in 2. I don't k ow why to believe anymore.


Me BS 32
DDay July 13'
3 young kids

Posts: 303 | Registered: Aug 2013
Gumdropped
♀ Member
Member # 40798
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well he brought home one month of a phone bill, just the first page that basically shows the plan charges and minutes allowed etc. He was very happy to show me that he had not made any long distance calls (she lives in another province) I said that I really appreciated what he had brought it home and I really want it to prove his innocence - not his guilt. I also said that I need all of the back up pages that actually show the calls, texts etc. He said he would so we will see.....


Me: 56
Him: 60
Together 2 1/2 years


Living together 14 months
D day May 13th 2013
R


Posts: 201 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 13

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