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Newest Member: LoveBetrayed (45355)

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User Topic: Recurring problem, his answer to "why?"
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At almost 5 months in he still has no better answer for my question, why? His answer has never faultered, even after all of these months. What is that answer you ask? "Because I wanted to Eff her."

I can't work with that. There is just no depth to this man.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The worst point is he is not working with it. With you nearly out the door - and he still won't work on it? ....and it's not that he can't - at this point it is that he won't.


And what a disrespectful way to put it too. No apology in the sentence..no remorse... OC, it is no wonder at all that you can't work with that attitude from him.

(((OC)))


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1882 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's crude and rude. I have no advice
on how to work with this one. Just have to say you have remarkable self control. I think I would have put my foot in his,ass!


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5134 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
seenow
♀ Member
Member # 40720
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Grrrrrrrrrr. "because I wanted it....."

Sorry OC. It would be real hard for me not to throw all his clothes in the pond (again) because I wanted to.


ME: BS mid 40's
Him: WH mid 40's
DDay 5/13 5 year LTA, ONS
together 25 yrs
1 kiddo

Posts: 296 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: mountain west
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He even gets annoyed that I keep revisiting this question, because I keep thinking he's thought deeper on it, but no, he says, "you know the reason, I've told you 100 times, I wanted to eff her."


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You need to go deeper. Why did he want to F her? What made him think that was an acceptable thing to do?

What does he say to these questions?


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8713 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Try asking a different question. Instead of asking why he was with the OW. Ask *being a M man how was it ok with you to F OW?*


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is not only being completely disrespectful and rude, but he is refusing to do self-work and investigate WHY he thought that this was an acceptable way to behave in his marriage.

Perhaps some better questions would be:
-Why did you lie to me about effing her?
-Why did you get married if you wanted to continue to eff other women?
-How would you feel if I effed another man?

I don't even know what to say except that he is refusing to try.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Scubachick
♀ Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is so where I'm at. If my marriage ends, it will be for this reason. I get "I just wanted someone to play blackjack with". It's the same fight over and over. His own actions prove it was more than just someone to play blackjack with but he refuses to acknowledge them. It makes me crazy. I keep asking myself, if he won't even try to dig deeper, why am I still here? I totally understand your frustration, oldcow.

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2013
Clearview
♀ Member
Member # 29565
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Simply put, it's an intentional non answer, it's a passive aggressive tactic. He knows fine well that you can't work with it. That's what he wants.

Posts: 166 | Registered: Sep 2010
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Simply put, it's an intentional non answer, it's a passive aggressive tactic. He knows fine well that you can't work with it. That's what he wants.

Ding ding ding!!! There's your answer.

He's basically insinuating he's no different than a dog, its his natural urge to mate..


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5134 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 11

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