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User Topic: Is it normal?
inshockandhurt
♀ Member
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am about 8 and a half months out and I sometimes still am so shocked that my husband had an affair. It is almost as if I still don't believe it sometimes. Anyone else have this problem? It's like I still can't fully believe it happened, it just seems too horrible, like a bad dream or a sad movie I watched and it never really happened, ad then when I realize that it really did happen and I am not just remembering a bad dream I am so shocked and sad. Should I still feel that shock after so long? I just want to know if this is normal or not.


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 278 | Registered: Mar 2013
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


..i'm 4.5 years out from d-day#2 or was it #3, and sometimes still can't believe they did this right under my nose..

OM was my bf for 25 years when i first found out..

..learned the whole disgusting truth in'09 and i am still struggling to understand the lifetime of betrayal and disrespect that was heaped on my marriage and what i thought was a friendship!

..i just wish this was all a bad dream..

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm mostly over the affair thing.

The wreckage from everything after is another story entirely.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not quite 5 months out and I still have these feelings. I think the reason for me is that we were happy, we were good, we were solid, we had it going on. Were we perfect? No, no one is, but I truly believed he would NEVER do this to me because I was his whole life, we were BEST friends. I can't imagine ever not feeling shock that he would do this to us. I hope to get over the saddness and the intense rage and all that, someday, but the shock? I don't see that ever going away.

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 3:53 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still feel shocked.

I know it happened, I lived it, I believe it, but sometimes the reality of it just hits.

This is now a part of our life, forever, it is real, OMG! He really did these things!

I look at him now and I still have trouble believing that he was so hurtful to me.

I keep having this random thought pop in my head, "he would not do this to me".

But he did. This is life. This hurts. I am still shocked.


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divor


Posts: 1416 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OldCow said it best for me.
We were happy, we were good, we were solid.
And yes, DD #1 and #2 were in late March. Started R. In the middle of R, he found out she was pregnant. Calls himself "doing the right thing" by now being with fugly Shrek.
It's starting to sink in. But, I still have dreams where my life was a bad dream and the dream is that it never happened. For months, when I woke up and realized this crap was the reality, I cried in the fetal position and could barely make myself get up to go to work and put on a fake smile.
Sometimes, I still think this is just a bad dream.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2325 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
inshockandhurt
♀ Member
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone. I was a little worried that it wasn't completely normal.

I keep having this random thought pop in my head, "he would not do this to me".

I have this exactly, and I still do it sometimes about the future. The worst part is having to tell myself, "wait, actually he would, did and could again."

@ StillLivin: Fugly Shrek!!


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 278 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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