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User Topic: Going to be in OW's area...should I alert her BH?
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH and OW had a long distance EA that lasted about 6 months. She was an old girlfriend from before we met --> cue music: An Ode to FB Reconnection.

I have not found any evidence to suggest they ever met in person, but things were pretty hot, heavy, and full of mushy love professions via their phone/online interactions.

I do know she tried very hard to get my husband to come to her, sneak away so she could come here or meet at a different location. She offered numerous times to pay for his travel expenses so I wouldn't find the money trail, but he refused and it made her very angry. Towards the end, she threatened to stalk our family while at a conference/vacation over the summer. The conference was work-related for me, but involved our entire family.

At this time we have a harassment injunction on file because her stalking threats/on-line taunting escalated significantly after the affair was revealed. As far as I am aware, NC has been maintained on his behalf since Dday.

In early December, a shorter follow-up conference is taking place in her area. I was planning to go alone, but WH and I decided he ought to join me. Aside from the fact that we'll be in her locale, it's actually a great opportunity for the 2 of us to get away alone...something we've only been able to do one other time in 13 years of marriage.

The chances of running into her at dinner, pulling up to a red light beside her, or encountering her on the street are pretty slim -- but still significantly more possible than usual.

I feel a sense of obligation to alert her BH that we'll be in the area. I don't want to give him our specific location or travel details, but do want to say something to the effect of:

"This is a courtesy message to let you know that WH and I will be attending a conference in your area during the 1st week of December. WH will not be leaving my side the entire time. Please make sure you know your wife's whereabouts as well."

Or do I just say nothing? If they were coming to our city, I'd appreciate the head's up.

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts...


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there any way she will know about this? If not, no, I would not contact him. NC is for all parties imo. What if she got the email and it caused her to show up on purpose? Unless you know for a fact that she keeps tabs on your conferences, I would not open that door at all.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Part of my work-related stuff includes quite a bit of social media -- pics, hashtags, FB updates, tweets, etc.

I'm reasonably sure I can keep our trip on the downlow before we leave, but once we're there, I do believe there's a strong possibility she'll figure it out. I've blocked her from being able to access all of my personal social media profiles, but I can't do anything about the public/company stuff.

Is it unreasonable that I want her BH to be on alert?


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe let him know you "may" be in the general area. I wouldn't give him anymore information than that.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this crazy making crap.
Good luck, and hope you two enjoy the time away together.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2230 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am going to go against the grain and suggest you tell the BH. I say this simply because as a BH this is something I would like to know.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3465 | Registered: Sep 2007
standingonmarble
♀ Member
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you do contact him be vague only offering dates, not why or where or anything else. Keep it simple


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 737 | Registered: Feb 2011
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gonna think on it for a few days.

If I do decide to drop him a note, do I do it sooner -- maybe they can plan to leave town that weekend? Or make other plans that will keep her busy?

OR

Do I do it right before we arrive? Weekend plans could already be set in place, etc.

I hate that I'm in a position to even think about something like this.


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
Jacobell
♀ New Member
Member # 37284
Default  Posted: 2:43 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is the conference compulsory? Could you wait and attend the conference when it was being held somewhere else? If your husband is going to be by your side the entire time, is there any reason the other couple really need to know? I wouldn't break NC unless REALLY necessary. What is your husband's view point?


Me - BW (35)
Him - WH 37)
D-Day 10/27/2012
2 beautiful, innocent young children
Together 10 years, Married 2 years

Posts: 48 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Jacobell
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 5:27 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That thought would never enter my mind. And as a BS, if I received such a communication on this topic, I would be asking WTF? It's making something out of nothing. Then it becomes something. And saying don't worry my H won't leave my side for one second, that sounds like you are insinuating that you have to do everything in your power to make sure your H doesn't go and look her up and somehow get at her. It seems way over the top and completely unnecessary.

Posts: 314 | Registered: Jul 2012
Topic Posts: 9

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