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User Topic: how do working parents do it/handle it.
sullymeishadomi
♀ Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im in a situation where one boss is leaving and a new (first time) boss is coming in. The stbxboss is supposed to be training the new guy but he is taking off early. Tomorrow being one day. Which means there is a chance I will be here between 530 and 7pm. Trick or treat is 5 to 7 pm. Of course I was angry. Whatever. What got to me was what my coworker said. She said when her kids were younger they missed out on trick or treat and a lot of things bc of her and her husbands work schedule. That made me incredibly sad. How do you explain to a kindergardner and 2nd grader trick or treat will not happen because you are working? How horrible for the kids and parents. Having that as my possible reality for my kids and hearing another parent explain that was their reality is so sad. I missed out on a lot when I was a kid and dont want that for my kids (they do miss out on a lot but not I never expected something like a holiday).

I am contemplating a sitter change. I stayed with the new one at the request of dd and wh (dd for her friends and wh for the money), but I need someone more flexible. Someone who can take them trick or treating or to whatever when I cant. Or can work til 8pm bc I end up leaving the office at 730 or am sent far away.

To go back to the focus of this post...so sad for the kids and parents who's kids miss out on a lot.


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8210 | Registered: Sep 2007
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What worked for us (both XWH and I worked full time) is that we woould ask our supervisors ahead of time if we could come in early in order to leave early (or make up the time another day).
There were very few instances where one or both of us weren't able to work around kids' events and special occassions.
Rarely, one of us would call out sick, but I can't think of any occassion where at least one of us was not there for the kids' events (and more times than not, we were both there).

ETA: Taking half a day's vacation or even a full day, depending on the event, is also something else we did as well.

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 1:14 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6112 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would ask the parents of your children's friends to stop by & take your kids trick or treating with their kids! Most parents totally understand and would be happy to help.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9319 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
neverdidithink
♀ Member
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

is that we would ask our supervisors ahead of time if we could come in early in order to leave early (or make up the time another day).

^^^This

Everyone on my staff is leaving early Thursday to take kids out or be home to give out candy. Some will work through a lunch to two, some will come in early or stay late another day, some will take a couple of hours of vacation time.

The evening stuff is a little harder. Can you trade off with anyone lese in a similar situation? Is there a HS or college-aged kid who can pick them up and get them home/make a simple dinner/do homework in a pinch?


Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9


Posts: 284 | Registered: Sep 2013
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When the kids were really little I worked 12 hours shifts, and you have to plan months in advance to be sure you are available for the important stuff. I was fortunate in that I was always able to get off for the important things, but trick or treating, wasn't a big deal to me, we live in a rural area, and can't trick or treat at our house, so we would go to a friends house, and trick or treat in their subdivision. But honestly it would not have been a big deal to miss it, between the school stuff, the church stuff, scouts, etc thye had plenty of candy, and celebrating.

You find other ways to make it up to them. It's just part of it. We had Christmas on other days than real Christmas, We had Thanksgiving on other days than Thanksgiving, and so forth. That's just the reality of my world, and my work.

Don't feel too bad, they won't be permenantly scarred because the miss trick or treating.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7843 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
sullymeishadomi
♀ Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The woman who mentioned to me her kids missed out of trick or treat etc didnt have the option to schedule her kids around their work. I feel horrible for them.

My situation depends on who is my immediate boss, the time of year and when we receive our work. Tomorrows situation was a shock bc the one guy is supposed to train the other guy. He is supposed to be here.

People around here are not real friendly. Its very "if youre from around here..." or "if you have money...". Im pretty much solo. The extent of the kids social life is school and bday parties because what I have mentioned above and bc of my work hours. The only way I can see around that is a more flexible and helpful sifter. One who can step in when im stuck at work.

Eta took me couple hours fo type reply. At that time I only had 2 responses to that thread. Finishing up work now.

[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 3:47 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8210 | Registered: Sep 2007
sullymeishadomi
♀ Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Evidentally this phenominon is more common around here then I thought. More than one person has told me today their kids missed out on xyz holiday. The one coworker is sort of shocking because sbe has family around who could help out.

My job is not one where I could trade activities or hours. Only certain people are able to do my job. The boss thats leaving can sort of do it. The one coming in has to be trained. I have to do the job of both possitions til the new guy is trained.

I have dd's communion next yr. I need of two saturdays and a bit early on a friday. This I need to be there for and have requested the time off two weeks ago. Doesnt mean I will get it off.

I feel awful for the kids who miss out and their parents. Im sitting here thinking what if I was a single parent? What if I was sent to an office over a hour away (in good traffic) and scheduled to finish at 7pm?

[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 6:44 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8210 | Registered: Sep 2007
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am lucky that my Big Boss is a die hard family guy. I go out of my way not to abuse it but if it's about my kids all I have to really do is ask. Once g_r started working full time that meant I was taking more time to do shit like pick the kids up from school or go on fields trips and stuff, so it's kind of great to have an executive who is actually human instead of a robotic fucknut masturbating to months end report percentages.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7374 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Going_Under
♀ Member
Member # 11606
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You do what you have to do. The reality is that people have to work, sometimes on holidays.

With kids, you can generally make a celebration for them and they will enjoy it. There are often school parties that can be visited during the day. You could make a special treasure hunt for them at home to find candy. You could snuggle down with them, in costume, at the end of the day and have a pumpkin-face pizza and watch a Halloween cartoon. There are so many options, not just traditional trick or treating.

My kids know that the celebration of a holiday is what we make it, not some cookie-cutter thing that people say it has to be. I have worked on every holiday at least once, and my kids weren't harmed by that in any way.

Certain holidays, like Halloween, can fall on any day of the week, which can be difficult with jobs, school, etc. You just make do. It is all in the attitude. If you put out to the kids that it is a tragedy, it will be a tragedy. If you put out to the kids that you will do X, Y, and Z and it will be fabulous, it will be fabulous. It is the attitude of the parents that sets the tone for the kids. Don't be afraid to change things up, you could likely find something everyone enjoys much more than the traditional activities of the day.


BS 42 (Me)
FWH 45
M 23 years
Three Children ages 20, 17, and 8
D-Day 08/10/2004, 7-Year LTA that ended 4 months before D-Day.

Evil never thinks it's evil, it always has a really good reason. ~ Joan of Arcadia, TV Series


Posts: 4558 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: Pacific Northwest
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Going Under. The kids will follow the parents lead. One year, my son missed Halloween because I was delivering his brother. Not sure he has ever forgiven him for that... And then when they are teens with jobs, adults, holiday schedules are difficult, but manageable.
Thanksgiving at our house will be on Friday this year to accommodate as many family members as possible. Lord only knows when we will do Christmas dinner. But, we WILL find a day to be together. And that's what is important to show kids.


Me-BS-60-Can't tell you how painful it was to change this number!
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3289 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup I grew up in a house where Dad HAD to work holidays, it was just part of life, so you rearrange, and deal with it.

Being a medical professional, and my sister as well we both worked holidays, weekends, etc for many years. It is only in the last few years where we have advanced our carreers enough to have normal hours and M-F jobs.

I have Celebrated Christmas The week before, on New Years Eve, and even the weekend after Thanksgiving. I get that you really can't do that with Halloween, but if they miss it this year it will make next year all the more special.
It also shows your kids that we all have responsiblities, and sometimes we have to make sacrifices for what we do.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7843 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 11

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