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User Topic: I give up
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 6:08 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I give up. Even if I find a job which I doubt I won't make enough to support us. The rents are the same amount as a mortgage in my area. There's no point in anything any more. I'll never be able to leave. The kids deserve a better mother than I can be. I always find myself stuck, now I'm stuck in a loveless marriage. I give up.

I'm so glad he can screw up every job he has and burn every bridge and there will always be better job out there for him making more money.

Oh well.

Time to get up and get the kids ready for school

[This message edited by simplydevastated at 6:11 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)]


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5818 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 6:16 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SD)))

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. You are not alone. A lot of us are stuck in relationships we no longer want or need. As far as your kids, don't ever think that you are less than a great Mother to them. (((HUGS)))


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SD)))

Sending positive thoughts to you. May the answer ou seek be revealed soon so that your hope can shine.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51429 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SD)))

Feeling stuck can really rob you of your inner strength and self-esteem. So for now, can you find something that you'll enjoy doing? Something that will bring *you* happiness? What about taking some classes at your local community college?

I hate to see you so down


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196242 | Registered: May 2002
sadone29
♀ Member
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SD)))

I edited this post because every time I have a negative thought, I'm trying to replace it with a positive one. I really do know how you feel, though! I say do something just for you today, if you can!

Hugs to you. Hope you feel better soon.

[This message edited by sadone29 at 9:51 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)]


"I move slow and steady, but I feel like a waterfall."

Posts: 609 | Registered: Mar 2013
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SD,

If the cost of living is too much where you are at currently, is a change of venue a possibility?

There will always be a point in being a great parent. Sorry you are feeling so down.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3729 | Registered: Dec 2011
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((SD))))) Sending you strength, honey.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24372 | Registered: Aug 2011
selkiescot
♀ Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry Simply Hugs toyou. Alot of us are stuck. be it financial or whatever. Babysteps forward. If you can swing it. Take a course in something you love. Even if it' s only at the library it mwill help you move forward. Start tucking tiny bits of money in your own account. DO not allow him access to this. Even if it's a few dollars a week it will add up fast.No that I FINALLY fond a good job it's adding up faster. Baby steps forward and keep walking. Know we are with you every step of the way.


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1373 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Ambergray
♀ Member
Member # 40778
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The fact that you are thinking of your kids and what they need or deserve is putting them first and just proves what a wonderful mother you are to them. It is a wonder any of us can even function while trying to process this, but to keep our kids and households going in the midst of it us quite an accomplishment.
Big hugs to you!!


Me-38
WH-38
Dday June 2013

"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson


Posts: 85 | Registered: Sep 2013
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never give up!!!!! I am so sorry you are feeling so down. It's so hard to keep plugging along. So many of us know that feeling. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and try not to look at the big picture for a little while. Sometimes it really is "darkest before the dawn", right? May good things be coming your way soon!

Please take care of yourself and find a little something that makes you happy today.

((((SD)))


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 631 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't give up. Give yourself a pity party for a few days. Then start thinking outside the box. Church, Salvation Army, going back to school for a new job skill. Volunteer work helps you to network. Attend functions at your kids school, get out there and hussle hussle hussle...aka network your butt off.
There really are so many options out there. Please don't just give up. This recession sucks and our WSs suck even more, but we ALL feel like giving up from time to time.
Just remember to chase the rainbow behind the rain and clouds!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB

Posts: 2129 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Simplydevastated, I've felt like you feel right now. There were months that turned into years where I felt utterly hopeless in my marriage. The only thing that kept me going were my kids. I had no family nearby (I was military and we were on the west coast while all our family is on the east coast), no friends that I would confide in easily.

Ultimately, I decided that in order to be able to support myself and my kids, I needed a better education. I worked full time, went to school full time (at night), and got my degree in accounting. A few months before finishing my degree, I had my final DDay with XWH. I felt strong enough to kick him out and not turn back.

Having a plan (get education, find a new home, etc) gave me hope. It was difficult and took years, but you can do it too.
I've since gotten my masters degree and am studying to take the CPA exam. Despite many attempts, I'd reached my end point and never let XWH bait me into taking him back yet again.

Figure out YOUR plan, hon.
You dont have to be stuck forever.

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 12:50 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6043 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kudos for you. You got up and cared for your kids when you were feeling like hell.

You will figure this out and I know this is not helpful but one day you will look back and be amazed at your strength and drive

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 9:24 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2605 | Registered: Jan 2010
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((sd))))

I'm so sorry that everything is so sucky now. Sending you strength and positive thoughts.

((((sd))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2537 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SD)))

I'm sorry. You are a great mom, and you won't be stuck forever.

What's going on at the library?

Sending big hugs.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16277 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((simplydevastated))) Don't give up on YOU sweetie okay? You are a great mamma to those kids and never forget that. We have been put in very difficult positions and parenting can be difficult in itself!


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
maddmurph
♂ Member
Member # 40940
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The job you have or don't have doesn't make you a good mother. How you handle it and how you are present for your kids is what makes you a good mother. The fact you are concerned about it all shows you are a good mother. You will find something when the time is right. Don't give up.


Me - BS, 33
Her - WW, 33
DS 7, DD 3

Posts: 129 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: OH
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know what say. After I posted this morning I cent so stupid for feeling like this. I try not to give in to the"woe-is-me" abs as much as I try to stay positive these days just sneak up on me.

Saying thank you to everyone for the hugs and support doesn't seem to be enough. I feel so alone in my life and I come here to put my feelings into words and I get more compassion from everyone here than I do in my life. As far as my husband is concerned, he is where compassion goes to die.

The day just spiraled down hill from this morning, but your posts made me smile.

Thank you and I'm sending (((HUGS))) to each of you.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5818 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Topic Posts: 18

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