SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Being the BS is never fair. At the time of the A, WS played his hand with cards he could see; OP also played the game with a hand she dealt herself. I, on the other hand, felt like I went all in on a blind hand and got rivered when I didn't even know I was in the middle of a poker match.

WS has now realized what a POS he was and feels guilt and shame on a daily basis. I don't feel bad for him, and in a way, I feel like he has gotten what he deserves. He has to go to sleep every night and wake up facing the cold, hard truth that he f'd over the person in his life who deserved it least (his words). Good for him.

As far as the OP goes, I've had so many mean thoughts of her -- thinking she deserves to go blind, lose a leg, have all her hair and eyelashes fall out -- you name it, I've probably wished it on her. What sucks about that is that I then feel like a terrible person for thinking such awful thoughts about another human being.

However, I believe that I think my best revenge would be for her to wake up one day and realize what a terrible person she is, to realize that the only possible attribute worth a sh*t is the hole out of which she sh*ts (all pun intended). She can keep all her limbs and hair and whatever. I know if I were the type of person she is -- and i do know her personally -- I wouldn't have a peaceful night of sleep. Sometimes I wonder if she does know, which is why I think she is a drug-induced alcoholic. Regardless, I would love for her to wake up and truly see herself for what she is. Too bad I don't foresee that happening any time in the near future, if ever at all.

I hate that she still invades my thoughts. I can't wait for the day to arrive when I am completely indifferent. Does that ever happen?

I hate that she still invades my thoughts. I can't wait for the day to arrive when I am completely indifferent. Does that ever happen?

I don't know about COMPLETELY indifferent... but if COW ever trots into my consciousness I quickly chase her out. With a firehose. It's much better than when I used to linger on thoughts.

So it does get better. I'm a believer in the karma bus. We reap what we sow. She'll get hers, and you'll be off doing something fun and completely unrelated when it happens.

Well said. You nailed it.

I fantasize about horrible things happening to her - mostly that she gets a conscience and comprehends what a cruel, horrible person she is. It won't happen. My only opportunity for revenge comes in just putting her completely out of my head. She's not in my H's head. She doesn't matter. She's not missed. She did not destroy a happy marriage. She was used and discarded. She did set the course for the rest of her life by getting pregnant with the child of a married man. Good luck to her. Life is going to kick her in the ass without any help from me.

There is no justice, but we get the life that we choose. I'm satisfied that the choices she is making for herself will not lead her anywhere happy anytime soon. She was content to live in a relationship as a side-dish. I predict for her more of the same.

It's been almost a year with NC, and R is going well, but sometimes I still feel a really intense rage towards the OW. I envision doing horrible, violent things.

But once the anger cools, I'm left with confusion: why am I directing so much energy towards her? The man that I love is more to blame. She didn't betray me, she didn't owe me anything. But HE did. And so the anger always turns to sadness and hurt.

Anger can be good sometimes - it's active, it's empowering. But sometimes it's just a defense against the pain of being betrayed by the person you love most. Whenever I find her intruding into my thoughts, I know that there is something deeper - and much closer to home - that's troubling me.

The anger won't fade until the hurt is repaired, and that will take time.

I was just talking about this in IC. The justice is what kills me. I'm a rules person. It bothers me when people don't play fair and don't suffer the consequences. None of this is fair. I hate it.

I think my anger is in the right place, I just wish I never saw them. I could raise a stink regarding OW#2's job but I don't really want to spend the energy. I guess I always have that option...

wishing justice on the OP is nothing more than the BS trying to get some power back. Perfectly normal.

I don't know the OP personally. Unfortunately I know what she looks like, and I am terrified of running into her somewhere, like the mall or something. The last time I was shopping I had a panic attack and literally ran to my car and burst into tears.

I know she thinks my WH made a huge mistake in not leaving me for her...she is SOOO AWESOME!!! She loves porn, has toys, has a great body, goes out every weekend, etc.

I just hate that we have to pick up the pieces while they get to move onto something else, not caring one bit about the devastation left in their wake.

I don't wish bad things on her, but I do hope that one day she looks in the mirror and realizes that she really isn't all that BECAUSE he didn't leave me for her.

((((EVERYONE))))))

These OW know what they are, make no mistake. They can run around and pretend to be everything any man could ever want, but all they want is a man of their own, and they're willing to ruin families to get one. They end up alone, used and very much damaged goods (they were damaged when it started but this makes it worse).

We all know the A wasn't about us, or OW. It was about WH, and the brokenness within them. This OW was just a vehicle for them to act out with, nothing more. It wasn't 'them', it was the ego boost they provided.

They were used, and then abandoned. They know this. Don't worry about anything else to do with them, because they simply aren't worth it.

Thank you all for your replies.

As much as I would love to smear poop all over her face, I would never give her the satisfaction of knowing that she bothers me. But damnit, she's so gross! I think of some of the things she said or did, and it pisses me off. Don't get me wrong, I know that I was most betrayed by WS, but in my case, it was a double betrayal because I used to go out of my way to be nice to a girl not many people were.

I remember OP going out of her way to tell me how she was going to see this guy after work, and how I would be excited for her. Ha-ha. Joke's on me. Then I remember consoling her when things weren't working out as she desired.

I also remember some of the things she would tell other people (before I knew what was going on), like "I don't care who else he wants to be with, it just can't be with HER." So let me get this straight...this b*tch is basically giving MY bf permission to screw anyone BUT his gf?!? WTF is her major malfunction...Anyway, that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I know thinking and talking about it doesn't really matter. I know that ultimately, I was most betrayed by WSO. But sometimes, I just get a little when I imagine terrible things happening to her. That probably makes me a terrible person too.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[This message edited by NoReGrets at 10:11 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)]

No ReGrets...you are NOT a terrible person! Not in the least!!!!!!! OP will get theirs.

(((HUGS)))

I hate that she still invades my thoughts. I can't wait for the day to arrive when I am completely indifferent. Does that ever happen?

((NoReGrets)) You are giving her too much power. The more you allow her to invade your thoughts, the more power to upset and anger you is given to her.

Take back your thoughts....find something that you divert your thoughts to as soon as you start to think about her....something pleasant, something that belongs only to you...It may be laying on the beach in the hot sun, relaxed, comfortable, happy....or skiing down a mountainside, the snow flying around you, filled with the joys of a day on the slopes...anything that you enjoy/love.

The longer you allow thoughts of her to upset you they will....chase her out of your head every time and soon you will find that she is no longer there.....HUGS

Oh yes we reap what we nurture and love!

I just happened upon a pic of one OW a pic with her grandkids..Umm no love there.

Serioiusly no arms around grandma no arms around grandkids it was a horrid horrid pic!! I would be ashamed!! Yep obvious big ass problems there!!

I don't think you have to wish justice on them..They have no conscious so they really don't catch anything they do is really all that wrong, kwim? I know I have a BFF that everything is perfect in her life she post on FB and goes places but yes her life isn't perfect she can't pay her bills and she doesn't even have a way to take a proper bath!! She has to go to her MILs to shower! Sooo don't believe what you see on FB it is all made the F up!

I'm a rules person. It bothers me when people don't play fair and don't suffer the consequences

I feel that those of us that have strong feelings about justice, or lack thereof, have a harder time letting the "hate" of the AP go. Although they rightly deserve it. Our WS's couldn't cheat without a very willing partner so they do bear a responsibility.

NoReGrets, I am 3 1/2 years post d-day. I still have feelings of "hate" for OW. However, I recently remembered that Fall is the time of year cray cray stalker/fishing OW tries to reach out to FWH, so am triggering a bit. I feel it didn't get any consequences, also.

What sucks about that is that I then feel like a terrible person for thinking such awful thoughts about another human being.

Really? I have heard other people say this, too. I don't feel bad at all. I feel it is a very human response. I am very accepting of my inner bitch. <She is really pretty awesome, gets me through some tough times.

I can't wait for the day to arrive when I am completely indifferent. Does that ever happen?

I have heard of members here getting to that place. I can actually go months with feelings of indifference and than, all of a sudden, I will feel just hateful. *shrug* I have confidence in myself that I will get to indifference full time. Just don't know when that will be.

I hate that she still invades my thoughts. I can't wait for the day to arrive when I am completely indifferent. Does that ever happen?

It happens.

It took me a long, long time. She was my friend, or I thought. I waited, watched and prayed for karma to hit her.

I hurt so badly from their A but she never cared, which was a whole other load of hurt.

My H tried to make things right and fix what he broke, he nevr blamed the OW, he took responsilility for it all.

I couldn't do that. I couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that someone who claimed to be my friend would not hurt for me, even after the fog lifted.

Eventually I was able to just let go. It was time, time and more time.

The last time I knew any info on OW it was all sad. Her BH divorced her.She had already cycled though 2 guys, both engagements which were broken. She now has fibromyalgia (sp?) and has gained what looks like 100 pounds.

Her kids think she is a loser and she lives in some seedy apartment alone.

It all adds up to a sad life that has been wasted. I can't feel angry, it makes me sad for the wasted chances and really sad that her kids have been so hurt as well.

She is broken, I know she is. Her mom recently died and I wanted to send her a card, I wanted her to know that I wish she would find peace and healing...

But I didn't.

The whole A cycle is sad, full of hurt and broken-ness.

Eventually I got to a place where I just wanted everyone to be healthy, because the ripple effects of broken spread far and wide.

[This message edited by karmahappens at 10:58 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)]

I just wanted everyone to be healthy, because the ripple effects of broken spread far and wide.

Very profound, karma. That would be the solution to peace on earth, wouldn't it?

Very profound, karma. That would be the solution to peace on earth, wouldn't it?

One house at a time, right SMS

I am not a believer in karma. If it were a real thing then ask your self this. What did you do to bring the bad karma of being a BS on to your self?

I have known several people who were either a BS or WS. I have never seen a single WS suffer because of what they did. Some went on and M their AP and had kids and what on the outside looked like a good M. The BSs that were left in the aftermath suffered greatly but eventually most found someone else. One guy though still lives alone and just cant bring himself to trust or love another woman. His wife has married her AP (10+ years younger than her) and seems to be doing well.

There is just no evidence of evil acts such as betrayal coming back to haunt the person that did them IMO. It may happen sometimes but these seem to be random in that these same misfortunes happen to BSs as well.

IMO the best thing to do is to not get hung up on wanting to see the AP suffer. Sure most or maybe all of us would like to see that. But we should not base our happiness on that happening. Instead focus on YOU. Make yourself well. Branch out in new directions and enlarge your life with new experiences. Build a good life for yourself.

Maybe there will always be a hole in that good life you build. But the trick is to not focus on the hole but on the other aspects of your life.

I am not a believer in karma. If it were a real thing then ask your self this. What did you do to bring the bad karma of being a BS on to your self?

I don't think that karma necessarily means that bad things are only supposed to happen to bad people, or good things to good. I don't see it as an event-specific force. It's more like the butterfly effect. If we put good out, it's going to affect those around us and good will spread through the community. If someone behaves in a bad way, that's going to spread negativity. We carry out attitude around with us and it not only affects how we see the world but how the world sees us.

It's not exactly quid pro quo. It just stands to reason that the AP that continuously makes hurtful and bad decisions is going to feel the effects of that in his/her community sooner or later.

My $0.02.

T/J

I am not a believer in karma.

This always makes me laugh when karmahappens is posting on a thread. I have to tell her I believe in her even though Razor doesn't. End T/J