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User Topic: Why can't I move on like xpos has?
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was asked why I couldn't move on, since xpos obviously has.

She said that xpos seems to be patient now (NEVER was before) and seems happy (M slut as soon as D was final).

I asked why she thought I had not and she said because I still say things about him. Well, the things I had just said were in response to her questions about things that have gone on.

Does this seem like he has moved on??

While telling people how happy he now is, he attacked a man in a parking lot and could have killed him. He has horrible road rage, but never went this far while we were M. The man did not press charges or he could be in jail now. He admitted it to someone when asked about his broken hand.

He has sued me twice since D was final, asking the court to order me to give him money, saying I am a liar and in contempt of court in court papers and the judge denied his requests.

He has been on my property, out of his vehicle and walking around when I was not home (the M house - it was not a home when he was here).

He comes by the house and sits at the end of the driveway several times a week. Slut is with him about half of the time. He now lives about 25 miles away. If this is meant to intimidate and harass, he has succeeded.

His only way to contact me is by (house) phone or mail since I changed my cell # and email and he has sent me some bizarre things in the mail. I was getting 'Unknown Caller' calls several times daily. I know business can come through this way, but 25 of the 50 in my phone's memory were listed that way and several came while he was outside. They stopped when he was out of state and when I was gone and resumed as soon as returning. Coincidence or him?

He sued me for money, but owes me money now. He refused to do several things that the court ordered and the money falls into that realm also, so I could sue HIM for being in contempt of court and could have proven it a couple of times before, but I haven't chosen to do that.

My IC has told me several things about him this year based on communications and bizarre mail he has sent to me, things that she knows of his mind from that and our talks. I have had to realize that 1) he is SA, 2) our relationship was based on Stockholm Syndrome and 3) he DID try to kill DD and me. 2 and 3 were very hard to face.

Those things he is doing are things that only I see, just like our whole relationship. He was very controlling of me but others didn't see those things. I now know, thanks to IC and lots of reading, that I was emotionally, mentally and verbally abused for over 40 years.

DDIL has told me that they have seen what might be change in him but they are watching him closely because they don't believe it.

Can he really be fooling people into believing he has changed?


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2189 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
mixedintherut
♀ Member
Member # 40330
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It doesn't seem as though he has moved on if he is still trying to make himself a known part of your life. Considering everything that he has continued to do, I can't imagine being able to truly heal and move on.

The reality is, everyone deals with emotions and situations differently. I have heard it takes 2-5 years. I have also heard it can take 6 months for every year that you were married. It is all about time.

I hope your ex can stop his foolish ways, so that you can truly move on to peace and happiness!


DD 1: PA 12/4/09 He spent 2.5 years with OW1
R: 8/31/2012
DD 2: EA 8/16/13
BS: 26
WH: 25
1 young daughter.
Terribly disgusted. He refuses to give up his "friend". Headed towards D.

Posts: 136 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: kentucky
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:36 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't want you to move on like he has. Forget him. I want you to move on in a healthy way towards healing, restoration of your soul, and authenticity. You're on the road with your IC, facing the hard truths of your life, learning new ways to think & exist. You'll get there!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9314 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You were asked why you can't move on? You spent 40 years with someone, mentally and emotionally abused, and betrayed. I would think it would take a few years to 'move on', whatever that means.

It doesn't sound like he's moved on, and it doesn't sound like he wants to. He seems to be enjoying his anger.

The sitting at the end of the driveway is scary. Is there anything you can do to stop that? Call the police, or get a restraining order?


It's so easy to believe someone when they're telling you exactly what you want to hear.....

Posts: 1757 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
trumanshow
♀ Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree-police when he's trespassing. The phone comp can track the calls, even when blocked-or at least change your #


He's used to you being passive-show him differently!


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1742 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks friends. The question was rhetorical, or tongue-in-cheek.

Thanks NG, NO, I really DON'T want to move on the way he has, but it's hard when people ask that question. I think it's mostly because they only see that he is remarried - not that he obviously had that relationship before leaving me - and that they only see what he wants them to see. I wish they could have all been there in that parking lot to witness that incident! They would see the anger I know he has had forever. At the end it was getting to the point that I didn't want to ride with him at all.

The only ones I know of that saw that and how he denigrates people (it was usually just me) are his co-workers who spent much time with him. One of them told me they had a special nickname for him that came from those actions.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2189 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mixed, I hope it doesn't take me as long as you've heard. I don't likely have that much time left! It really feels horrible to realize how much of my life I accepted living like that.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2189 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Painfulpast, he HASN'T moved on past that anger because I believe he doesn't know how to deal with it other than to go with it. It is one of his oldest friends in life. I tried for years to get him to see someone or even just talk with me about it.

The closest he came to that was to tell me about something he did as a teen that was very controlling and proudly stated that, "I made sure that B***H got what she deserved!" I now know that I was already so deep into Stockholm Syndrome that I could not respond appropriately. It should have made me .

His action is not something I can do anything about. They cannot cite him for stopping in the road at the end of my drive. I'm sure he knows that and enjoys knowing it. BUT, if he EVER comes on my property again, I will call 911 immediately!


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2189 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trumanshow, I have called the phone company and they say they do not track where calls come from, but gave me a code to punch in after a call if I think it's him (I only answer calls from numbers I recognize and there is never a message from those calls). If it's the same caller two times, they automatically report it to authorities. The problem is that companies come through like that and it might not be him THAT time.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2189 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

how scary!! He's just filled with rage and he's focusing on you right now.

Between the calls and the sitting at the end of the driveway, isn't there a stalking law or something that can be used to force him to leave you alone?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. As if the A wasn't enough, now he is just harassing you through the courts and through intimidation.


It's so easy to believe someone when they're telling you exactly what you want to hear.....

Posts: 1757 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
selkiescot
♀ Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everytime he comes on YOUR property Call the police. Put up no trespassing signs everywhere. Make it clear to him he is not welcome anywhere on your property or near you. File a protective order against him and the OW. Document everything. Take pictures of him in your driveway. Be careful Big Hurt.


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1377 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks selkiescot. The problem is that he hasn't actually been ON my property that I know of since that time when I wasn't home. I was told by L that I should have called police as soon as I knew he HAD been there to establish the complaint.

Believe me, the FIRST thing I will do if I ever do see him step foot here is call! I told IC I would go to the door, phone in hand after calling, and tell him the police were on their way and I want him OFF my property. IC advised me to just call, not confront him or answer the door. It's a good suggestion to take a pic of him. Thanks for the suggestion and the concern.

I got a smile out of the No Trespassing sign suggestion. Xpos had them everywhere when we first moved here! And HE called ME paranoid (for wanting deadbolts)!!

Sadly, he hasn't done anything I can PROVE to warrant a protective order. There is no way to prove he tried to kill us.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2189 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Crushed1
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Bighurt))) It doesn't seem to me that he's moved on at all. He continues to harass you, sue you, and it is probably him or ow who is doing the harassing phone calls.

I had a couple of months of hangup calls, about 8 per day, which I knew in my gut were coming from the ow and it nearly drove me crazy! He had dumped her by then and I had the phone tapped and then told H to tell her if there was one more call she was going down as I was going to prosecute to the fullest extent of the law. The calls stopped that day. Stupid bitch!

I am so sorry he's doing this to you. It's a great idea to take a photo of him every time he comes on or near your property, that will prove he's stalking you at least. I hope you can file charges on both of the lowlifes!!!!

Peace and strength to you!


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9670 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
Charity411
♀ Member
Member # 41033
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bighurt....The phone company will track where calls are coming from if you file a police report first. They will report where the calls are coming from to the police and the police will notify you.

I went through this with a long term boyfriend I had who sound a lot like your ex. When I finally ended the relationship and moved 140 miles away he followed me and bought a house a couple of blocks away from mine. He did a whole lot of the same things you describe. I was able to get him charged with stalking which is tough to do in my state. So don't assume you have no recourse. What I learned is that you have to document everything. Every call, letter, evidence of him on your property and anything else. It will pay off should you have to take him to court.


Posts: 286 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Illinois
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Crushed and Charity. I will keep those things in mind. I'm sorry you have dealt with these issues too.

I haven't put my full story on here because I was denied membership at first due to the fact that someone at this IP addy had been banned for breaking the rules. I knew it wasn't me and feared that it was xpos who had been on here, so he would know about the site and read enough to recognize our story and know everything I was doing if I posted. As time went by, much of it seemed irrelevant, so I never did write it.

Now I kind of wonder if maybe he isn't on here because those calls have all but dried up and he hasn't been by as much. 25 of 50 calls in a few days and now maybe a handful a week that could be businesses (I don't answer and no messages are left). Hmmmmmmm......

Well, if he recognizes himself and figures out that tbh is me, it will be like another admission. How could he think that without admitting he has done the things I write??


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2189 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Topic Posts: 15

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