I don't know what to do. I'm not sure he's "trying" to make me the heavy by filing for divorce or if this guy really loves me. WHO? Does what he did and have NO EXPLANATION for any of it? I NEED answers and I get idk, can't remember, etc. I wrote him a list of questions that have NOT been answered for me (at least to my satisfaction.)
Last night, he regressed even further. I joined a couple of dating sites not to find anybody but to start building my destroyed self-esteem. I have no intention of screwing around, I have way too much class and integrity to do that. I had ALREADY told him I did so and why I'm doing it. I believe in 100% honesty and it felt wrong NOT to tell him.
He comes in screaming at me, throws the paper in my face and then proceeds to call me a liar. I told him "don't ever call me a liar again, YOU'RE the liar." With that he proceeded to call me a bitch several times (he hadn't done this since we first got married.) I told him if he calls me that again I'm going to slap him. He then told me "if you slap me, I'll slap you back." So I got up and slapped him. I stood there waiting for my slap, just do it, that's what you want to do. He walked out the door and I shoved him along.
I can't go backwards. I'm working really hard to get my shit together. I'm trying to go out and see my friends again and just continue to read and see "if" he's going to "get it." I can't go much longer. Last night he texted me from our couch (yes he's sleeping on the couch) that he's sorry, don't give up on him, etc. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. I told him, you need to actively work on this, it has to be your priority. Now we will just see.