Ooops. My apologies. And that was the mod's 10000th post. Do I get a prize for that?
Thanks for your comments, everybody. I suck them up like a crazy person, I'm so lonely and sad. I was thrilled that a mod noticed my faux pas. Is that sick or what?
My WH spent half the evening and a couple hours this morning repairing our washer. It's on its last legs. We looked at new washers yesterday during lunch, had one picked out. I went home to get the cash, (lost my purse), thought about it, decided not to spend the money. I might need that money if he steps out again.
I want to sell this big old house, move out of town a little, into something smaller with more land. The entire time we have lived here WH has been cheating, until he was caught, anyway. 10 years.
I'm thinking about a forlorn ghost type thing, raggedy gray ghost clothes, gray makeup, spray my hair gray/white, black out my eyes etc. I don't want to be easily recognized as this will be my first major public appearance in 2 years.
Is it this hard for everybody? In the beginning I remember reading it would be 2 - 5 years. I have been on this site almost 2 years!
I want be one that just checks in now and then, to update how happy I am and offer support and encouragement to others. That is my goal.
My goal today is to get out of this bed and have a little Halloween fun and to be productive. Wish me luck.
Thank you, survivors, for throwing me another floaty. One day I'll catch that lifeline and begin pulling myself back to shore. What a ramble. Thanks for reading. Really.
I must add that writing on here is cathartic, I figured several things out or your comments lessened my stress. 1. I want out of this house. Our big Southern dream house was only my dream. I can't maintain it alone. 2. I still need an escape plan and the means to escape. 3. My husband is trying. I think. 4. It's ok to be sad. 5. I'm still incredibly hurt and fragile, but stronger than before, and no longer comatose. 6. Strangers on SI say comforting things that help me. Maybe I can feel safe here.
PS. I hate rollercoasters.