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Mothering a pre-teen daughter (T.M.I. alert!)

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 stroppy_wanadoo (original poster member #11224) posted at 6:05 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

My almost 12 year old baby girl got her period last night. She came and whispered it quietly to me. She's mortified to talk about it, as expected, and I'm equally as uncomfortable though trying to pull it off as "no big thing." Night one of bulky pads was - errr - eventful. She was incredibly worried about going to school today.

I'm not ready for this! Nobody gave me this roadmap! I want her to stay a fourth grader forever (though she's already two years past that, in sixth grade).

Feeling sad that she's growing up so quickly.

posts: 1175   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2006
id 6540234
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jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 6:15 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

(((Stroppy)))

I hear you. My DD is 12, too. We talked about it over the summer since it will probably start soon. Not a fun conversation. I told her if she had a question, but was embarrassed to ask, then to leave me a note. Then I will write the answer back. Her response was priceless. "So I just have to put up with it?" Um yes honey. There isn't an opt out option.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 12:37 PM, October 28th (Monday)]

posts: 51035   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2011
id 6540253
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Lucky2HaveMe ( member #13333) posted at 6:35 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

Go to the store and get her some super THIN pads. They are very absorbent and not at all bulky.

I remember looking at my dd and said something like "I don't know what to do, but I feel like giving you a hug" We hugged and chuckled.

Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.

posts: 8488   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2007   ·   location: WNY
id 6540283
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GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 6:39 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

Go to the store and get her some super THIN pads. They are very absorbent and not at all bulky.

Ditto this!

Pads have come a looooong way since I was a young teen. Its no longer akin to wearing a diaper. They're so thin now that you almost don't know they're there!

Hugs to you both- time really does fly, doesn't it?

Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)

WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).

I edit often for clarity/typos.

posts: 10094   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2009   ·   location: Here and There
id 6540292
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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 7:08 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

We have been on 'period-watch' for a year at my house. Each month I am so sure my DD (12) is going to be there too but nothing yet.

We practiced ahead of time. Not on purpose, but I had stocked her backpack just incase she was at school the first time, etc. She asked if she could try a pad on. So she did and announced "This isn't so bad". I said "Ohhh just wait honey!"

Someone on here had a demonstration to help their DD be less worried about leaks. Anyone remember that? They had laid out different types of feminine products and used water to show how much they absorb, etc?

It is hard because they are shy about questions and sometimes what we THINK they might want to ask....isn't it at all. I ended up getting my DD the American Girl book about her body. She spent a lot of time privately reading it.

posts: 6985   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 6540334
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lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 7:11 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

Go to the store and get her some super THIN pads.

I would get an assortment of different ones, so she can determine which ones feel most comfortable for her.

No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.

posts: 22643   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2007   ·   location: Houston
id 6540341
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MrsDoubtfire ( member #24786) posted at 7:19 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

I remember this with my DD.

My mom told me to always be prepared so I had bought some thin ones beforehand and always left a couple in her bag just in case.

When she started she laughed then cried!

Get her some really thin ones and just be there for her as it is such a big thing to start off with.

I also remember the day DD asked if she could wear tampons and I had bought her the super slim ones and talked to her about them and said the first couple of times to take it out after half hour or so (as it definitely feels odd until you are brave enough to insert them properly- sorry if TMI) and after about 3 months of periods she decided they were easier then pads.

It is a funny time for you too as you see that your baby is growing up and it's 'weird'!

Good luck

BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†

posts: 1634   ·   registered: Jul. 12th, 2009
id 6540351
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Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 7:43 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

We've been talking about this for years, just waiting for the day. Bought thin pads in advance. Let her pick out a pretty "make up bag" to keep in her desk that will hold her supplies. Have talked to her teachers about this so she knows she can go to them if it starts at school. Have covered every possible angle. We're just waiting for the day.

Had fun doing a demonstration with how much water these things would absorb. It's shocking how much!!! I got all the kids involved, yes, even the boy. We made it a science experiment in the kitchen & had lots of laughs. I want to demystify the whole thing, make it not shameful as much as possible.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6540392
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Kalleigh ( member #1214) posted at 7:47 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

my daugher 14 likes the Always in the green box, the yellow ones..

I love my husband and kids, but there is something missing, LIKE MAYBE A LIFE!!!!!!!

posts: 6560   ·   registered: Mar. 4th, 2003   ·   location: Wisconsin
id 6540398
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 stroppy_wanadoo (original poster member #11224) posted at 8:06 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

I knew there would be many here that could commiserate!

I had attempted to talk to my daughter about this over the summer after her pediatrician at the annual check-up told us we could probably expect it within the year. She wanted nothing to do with the conversation, and kept putting the American Girl book I bought her back in my room on my nightstand, unread. I did make her take a little makeup bag of supplies to keep in her locker at school.

Her problems came overnight from sleeping on her back... and things kind of drain funny in that position. So we ended up with two pads overnight - one up the back of her underwear. She doesn't want to try tampons yet. I do have several kinds of pads for her to try.

Why does this frighten me so much?! I know I survived just fine, and I wasn't afraid for myself when it happened! But I just want to cry for my daughter (who just called and said she is home from school, and her day was fine - thank goodness!)

posts: 1175   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2006
id 6540430
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Tripletrouble ( member #39169) posted at 10:25 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

My DD is about a year in. I buy her the stuff marketed to teens.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Happily remarried 2018
Time is a great healer but a terrible beautician.

posts: 1175   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2013
id 6540606
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k94ever ( member #11176) posted at 10:29 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

Why does this scare you?

Because:

a) it's proof positive your little girl is becoming a young woman.

and

b)

wait for it

wait for it

you are now entering the gates of Hell. Be prepared for the moodiness and eye-rolling and being treated like you are the dumbest person on earth.

{{{hugs Stroppy. Welcome to the Club}}}}

k9

BS:61
WS: 53
Betrayed: 24 years
Affairs: 15 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

posts: 7747   ·   registered: Jul. 3rd, 2006   ·   location: Wisconsin
id 6540609
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Tripletrouble ( member #39169) posted at 10:31 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

^^^^^^^^ lord have mercy yes!!! My sweet as pie girl turns mean as sin when she has PMS!!!!

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Happily remarried 2018
Time is a great healer but a terrible beautician.

posts: 1175   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2013
id 6540611
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PricklePatch ( member #34041) posted at 10:45 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

Mine uses the noted for teens. We also called and and asked noted questions she felt reassured.

BS Fwh

posts: 3267   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2011
id 6540624
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Whalers11 ( member #27544) posted at 1:41 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

I could never get comfortable with tampons.

I am a big fan of the Stayfree Ultra Thin products - I exclusively use the "Overnight with Wings" pads and never had any "incidents". Those particular ones may be too big to comfortable fit young girl underwear, but they also have regular ones that are very absorbent but not as long. They are super thin and don't feel like you are wearing one at all.

posts: 3358   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2010
id 6540852
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Whalers11 ( member #27544) posted at 1:41 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

Double post.

[This message edited by Whalers11 at 7:42 PM, October 28th (Monday)]

posts: 3358   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2010
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jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 2:54 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

you are now entering the gates of Hell.

posts: 51035   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2011
id 6540921
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Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 2:57 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

Also get her a book for teens about maturation. Leave it lying around and she WILL read it.

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie

posts: 6709   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2010
id 6540925
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Losttransport ( member #39409) posted at 3:10 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

We made it very casual at our home about periods. We have three daughters, and I started talking with each of them when they were about 10, and we talk about cycles regularly: problems they may have, products that work, more importantly, products that don't! But it isn't just me, my hubby buys their pads for them, tells them if they need a guy's perspective that he will talk to them too. My girls just say, "Tom is here now," : Time Of Month!!

Me: BS-50
Hubby: WS-50
OW: his high school girlfriend
Affair started last November
3 DD, 1 DS all grown
Time heals all wounds-I do not agree.

posts: 132   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2013   ·   location: Texas
id 6540943
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kickboxer ( member #39858) posted at 3:51 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

My ten year old daughter wears an insulin pump, and one of the side effects of insulin can be early onset puberty. I've noticed some subtle changes, and her well-visit confirmed my suspicions that "things" are happening.

Anyway, I wanted to talk to her about her body without worrying about her little sisters busting in or her walking into the living room and feeling embarrassed with her dad sitting there...so I took her to a hotel for the night. We ate chocolate cake and watched a movie. I brought along the American Girl book and we read through some sections together. The next morning, we slept in and hit the free breakfast...then we stayed in our room until the last possible minute before we had to check out.

As we were packing up, I told her that the world would tell her many things about her body -- how to dress it, move it, use it, who to let touch it, what it "should" look like...but I wanted her to know that I will always tell her the truth. No matter how confused she feels, she can come to me with anything and we'll figure it out together.

She gave me a little hug and got up to check under the bed...

Then she stood right in front of me, and stared me in the eye.

She said, "You said you'd always tell me the truth, right?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Is Santa real?"

Sigh.

She's still my little girl...and she knows the truth about Santa now.

BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 15 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

posts: 253   ·   registered: Jul. 18th, 2013   ·   location: Somewhere Out There
id 6540983
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