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User Topic: Mothering a pre-teen daughter (T.M.I. alert!)
Sad in AZ
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Default  Posted: 12:35 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay. Is Santa real?'re breakin' my heart

stroppy, be as open and honest as you possibly can. Make it no big deal. Tell her as much as she can handle. My mother treated it like a cultural taboo--and I was miserable about it for years. In fact, I got it at the age of 10 and was so woefully misinformed that I though I was dying. I thought I was bleeding internally, and put myself to bed to die in my sleep!

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20287 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
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Default  Posted: 1:30 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember going thru that with my girls...

My DD17 went to a different elementary school than her older sister. They actually did something I thought was fabulous. They have a schools sanctioned "girls" night at the school one evening for all fourth grade girls (due to so many starting younger). This two-hour evening is facilitated by the school nurse and they discuss all aspects of female puberty. Parents (mostly mothers, but there were some single fathers there too) sat in the back of the gym so as not to distract or embarrass the girls. Yes, they were shy and quiet, but the school nurse and a couple other school teachers were very good about getting them to open up with their questions and concerns. This was not a sex ed session as it was all about trying to teach them what to expect with the onset of their periods and how to handle it. I have never seen any other school do this. It really helped DD and I used it as a segue to let her know I would honestly answer any other questions she may have. When her time came it was no big deal.

Oh, and I get her the supplies for teens as she is still too embarrassed to purchase her own...

BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet

Posts: 1191 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
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Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kickboxer, that is a beautiful story and a wonderful way to work through this with her. Well done!!!

We had a good night last night, where she let me talk to her a bit. She didn't respond much other than to giggle, but she also didn't get mad and cover her ears (as she has done in the past). School went well with no problems. Overnight last night went well.

Now I guess I have to let myself just accept it! My babes is becoming a woman!

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Jul 2006
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Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please don't treat this like a big deal. She will take her cues from you.

As a mom who is a nurse, who had a hysterectomy when her baby girl was 2, we had multiple talks about it ahead of time. She had a friend who matured super early, started by age 10. Lucky for me she was 12. But at 11 I bought a variety of pads pantyliners, nightime pads (as I remembered from my days that it was always a disaster) and even some tampons.

We also had discussions about all this with her brother around, so he didn't think it was anything taboo, or weird. Lets face it it's just part of life.

Give reassurance, let her try a bunch of different brands, and sizes, and shapes. My DD actually prefers the WalMart brand knock off always style not the Always though.
Because she did competetive cheerleading we didn't have the option to wait for more than a month or two before doing the whole tampon thing. She was a bit uncomfortable about it, and couldn't "get it in right" so into the bathroom we go, mirror in hand, and mom demonstrating the best way to stand, and having her look at how she was doing it....but there was not shame, once she got it, she was much more comfortable with tampons (which she is NOT allowed to sleep in).

I can remember when I started it was the day of my best friends fathers funeral. We go home, and I went to the bathroom, and let out an expletive for the whole house to hear. I was not happy at all. But I was the youngest of my family, and my friend group so I was about the last one to go through it. My sister was actually really mean about it. Haha you have to do it now too....Thanks for having my back big sister.

Anyway, it's not a big deal, it's all part of life, and in a few months she will probably think it's no big deal.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8714 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
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Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Daughter started her period over two years ago.

It was a Thursday. She had a winter indoor swim party that Saturday.

We read the book, talked a lot. And yelled instructions through the bedroom door and she started tampon use from day 1.

It was really uneventful other than learning how to use a tampon.

Married 1998, 2 kids
D-day3/27/09,he left 5/23/09
WH wants to rebuild 3/21/10
He moved back in 9/25/10,
Dec, 2011-finally putting it all together, H had multiple affairs.
Possible porn addict for 15 yrs.
01/2014- in house separation

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Apr 2009
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Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We also had discussions about all this with her brother around, so he didn't think it was anything taboo, or weird. Lets face it it's just part of life.

In my house, DS picked up the American Girl book and said "WHAT in the world are you letting her read????"

[He is five years older]

Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.

Posts: 2178 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Member # 11692
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DD11 started this summer. At camp, poor thing. I thought I had been super pro-active about everything. We had many talks. I had been packing the thin teen type pads for her for at least 6 months whenever she would travel (so luckily she had some with her at camp - but no, I hadn't even thought about sending her tampons, luckily that first one was very light).

Turns out we didn't have quite enough talks I guess - as when I unpacked her laundry after camp she hadn't taken them off her panties and thrown them away. The used ones were still stuck to her undies

Me - BW
Him - WH

Posts: 6621 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: Massachusetts
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Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And yelled instructions through the bedroom door and she started tampon use from day 1.

My mom did this for me too. She left out ONE little part of the instructions (or I misinterpreted).

In my head, I thought you put the entire plastic applicator up there and LEFT it there. The blood would fill that cylinder and the cotton would stop it from leaking.

So my mom keeps asking if I am ok and I kept saying it hurt. She said "It might be uncomfortable at first, but it should not hurt. try just rearranging it".

So I did...still hurt but I left to go swimming with my GF like that. Lets just say the car ride over the bumps were AWFUL.

It wasn't until that night that my mom realized the error....that I spend all day wearing those 5 inch plastic applicators up my hoo-ha!!!!!

Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.

Posts: 2178 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
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Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This just made me so sad.

I got my period in the fifth grade. Nobody prepared me, told me anything. Hell my mom couldn't even discuss the weather with me.

I went a long time using whatever she had in the closet for tampax and or pads before she said anythng to me...and then all she said was "you shouldn't be using tampax" as though I was doing something wrong.

So in my house I promised to not make my daughter ashamed or uncomfortable with something that is just natural and a part of life.

We talked about it when she was very young, discussed it, how neat it is because of it's meaning but also what an utter pain in the ass it could be.

We were all on period watch. We talked about it in front of my husband, he would get a little embarassed but was eventually ok.

She comes down her sophmore year in high school (she was much later than me!)on Thanksgiving, I am basting the turkey, my mother in law, husband, aunt and SIL are in the kitchen, and says it finally came. So I look up, my MIL looks at me and we all start cheering and jumping up and down yelling..."yay you are a woman".

My husband hugged her and she told him to make sure and say thanks to god for her period while doing Thanksgiving

I vowed to never make this part of her life feel awkward. She has always been free and easy about it.

As far as products go, all trial and error. We went and she picked out things her friends used, she liked the looks of and eventually narrowed it down to what she wanted to use.

Don't let it intimidate you. She needs to be comfortable and confident within her body and the natural progression of girl-woman shouldn't be so overwhelming.

I wish I could go back....they become adults so fast.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3846 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
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Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My daughter started when she was 11. She was always a momma's girl and when she was little she followed me EVERYWHERE, bathroom included. I have always been open with both my kids that our bodies change. TMI but my daughter has been in the bathroom with me when I have had that time of the month and she knew what it was from a young age. She knew from the time she was old enough to really understand it that she would get it and I told her about how old she would be (my family hit early)and I told her what to expect and she knew she could tell me. I bought pads when she was 10 and she got her first period when she was 11 at school. I was at work and her dad had to pick her up. I think it was harder on me then it was her. I got a text at work that said "mom I got my ." and I paniced and called her. She was like mom I'm fine I knew what to do and did it, it's not a big deal. That was 2 years ago and she still doesn't think it's a big deal. I'm lucky it's been a bigger deal to me emotionally that she's growing up then it is to her.

Me: fww 39
Him: bh 50
together 19 years
married 17 years
dday 8/2003
two beautiful kiddos

Posts: 50 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: blessedbyluck
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Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

God love my mother...she told me all about periods, pads, and tampons WELL before i got my first period.

When i actually did get it, it was like 'ok, we knew this was coming, so what do you want to try first?"

It also helped that I was horribly independant and just learned tampons myself, part of it was that with all the previous conversations about it, i really didnt need her help - i basically knew what to do already.

Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
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Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

reading the responses that mention husbands/fathers...

I am praying that my daughters get their periods while with me or at school. My STBX is SO anti-blood and anti-period. He completely freaks out at the mere mention of blood coming from down there. I mean fuh-reaks out. I'll never forget when he made me walk myself into the drug store to purchase pads for myself post-partum. I'd been on bedrest for months, I could barely sit up straight, I was bleeding profusely. He would not go buy a package of pads for me. He drove me to the store and sat in the car while I struggled to get out and had to literally lean against the walls & shelves of the store to get the pads & pay for them. Bastard!

So I hope they don't have their periods while at their dad's house. It isn't going to go well.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
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Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Her problems came overnight from sleeping on her back... and things kind of drain funny in that position. So we ended up with two pads overnight - one up the back of her underwear.

I also sleep on my back and always had leakage problems. I don't know your daughter's bone structure (I teach 7th grade. My girls range in size from tiny, tiny to over 6 feet tall), but depending on her size, Always makes an ultra thin long pad that I would use at night. If she's small, it might feel WAY too big, but it beats doubling up on pads (which I have also done).

Me (BS): 35


Posts: 1456 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: a little bit of everywhere
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Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm dating a single dad that has been very open with his daughters about their periods.

He said that his girls told him when they got their first one, and didn't even bother to tell their mom.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7769 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
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