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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I don't know what just happened...
iAmAMess0809
Member
Member # 40964
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My BW just told me I should leave for awhile.

An hour ago, I was sitting on the couch with her giving her a neck rub. And now I am in the basement of a department store with nowhere to go until she is ready for me to come back.

She started reading through old texts, and saw one where she told me she loved me more than anything else, and this was just before I met up with the OW for the second time.

We were doing as well as can be expected, but I am finding myself pretty distraught right now. She won't aswer my texts or anything.


Me: WH, 32
Wife: BW, 31 (SoVeryTired5)
Affair during March/April 2013
DDay: April 30, 2013 (Admitted EA)
Full Disclosure: October 11, 2013 (Admitted PA)
Hoping to reconcile


Posts: 58 | Registered: Oct 2013
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Leave her alone. Plan to find a hotel room or a friends house to stay in if necessary. Wherever you go take pictures and have receipts, even video to show her where you were and what you were doing. Stop texting her, let her know she can contact you at anytime and you are there for her but if she asked you to leave it means she needs space and time alone, give her what she needs. Right now at this moment this is not about you.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.

Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.


Posts: 2704 | Registered: Oct 2012
iAmAMess0809
Member
Member # 40964
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, I sent one last text saying I will leave her alone and to contact me when ready.

This is new territory for me. I just don't know how to handle this. She has never ignored my texts for this long, or calls. She is not one to not talk, even if it means yelling at me.

I feel like some switch flipped and she is slipping away from me. I just want to go home to her and my kids. I am such a horrible person for having put someone I love so much throught this.


Me: WH, 32
Wife: BW, 31 (SoVeryTired5)
Affair during March/April 2013
DDay: April 30, 2013 (Admitted EA)
Full Disclosure: October 11, 2013 (Admitted PA)
Hoping to reconcile


Posts: 58 | Registered: Oct 2013
Sparkle0504
♀ Member
Member # 40379
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you're on FB on your phone, use the check-in thing fairly regularly - you can change the privacy settings so that only she can see them (at least your friends wont think you've turned into a check-in fruitloop lol). On the few occasions my SAWH has been kind enough to humour me, this has helped reassure me.

Meanwhile, yes, give her space. I know exactly where she's coming from on this, been there, but you seem to be grasping this, which is good to see:) I really wish you well.


Me 44 (BS)
Him 52 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011
Children - two, mine from my previous marriage
Final straw 6/6/14

The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies


Posts: 191 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
Card
♂ Member
Member # 23667
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If your wife has not contacted you within a reasonable time period, maybe by 8pm, go home.

I don't agree with getting hotel rooms! It's your home and you need to be there.

Recovery isn't for the faint of heart. It's tough and it hurts at times.

When my wife triggered, I did what she needed, but once we agreed to recover our marriage, I never agreed to stay somewhere else, and never would have.

Eye's forward!


WH (me)
BS (her)

D-Days April - Oct. 2007 Recovery started Nov. 2007

"Found Myself", I was right there in my shoes all along!
Search for self called off!

Why Repentance Is Necessary? Because Undeserved Mercy Empowers Entitlement/Sin


Posts: 570 | Registered: Apr 2009
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Card while I agree that its hard and difficult I know that one of the things that helped us the most during R was when he asked me to leave for awhile I did. It helped him clear his head. Each couple is different though only you will know if going home is the best choice iamamess.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.

Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.


Posts: 2704 | Registered: Oct 2012
iAmAMess0809
Member
Member # 40964
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She let me come home about an hour ago. She has barely said a word to me though. I made dinner, but she hasn't joined me or the kids for it. She just left to go to her parents for awhile.

It is hard to remain an optimist right now. I am trying not to let this downward slip on this roller coaster send my own emotions spiraling out of control, but it is hard. I just want to crawl into a hole and die right now.

I hope she wants to talk later.


Me: WH, 32
Wife: BW, 31 (SoVeryTired5)
Affair during March/April 2013
DDay: April 30, 2013 (Admitted EA)
Full Disclosure: October 11, 2013 (Admitted PA)
Hoping to reconcile


Posts: 58 | Registered: Oct 2013
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What happened was that she triggered, and the shrapnel in her soul started to twist and burn again.

Be her rock. Be there for her even if you're at a mall 10 miles away. Don't give up on her just because she's confused and hurting.

Tell her you will be here for her NO MATTER WHAT. And mean it. Live it.

This will help her, even if she doesn't start handing out cookies right away.


It is better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie. -Russian Proverb

Posts: 17076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
iAmAMess0809
Member
Member # 40964
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So she has come back home, but she has just shut herself in our bedroom.

I wentup andasked if she wanted to talk, and she said no. I slipped a card under the door that I got her earlier.

This is not an ordinary trigger for her. She normally gets sad and asks more questions. I suspect that I am sleeping on the couch tonight, which is the first time since dday.

I wish that I could do something to help her through this trigger, but she is comp, etely shutting me out.


Me: WH, 32
Wife: BW, 31 (SoVeryTired5)
Affair during March/April 2013
DDay: April 30, 2013 (Admitted EA)
Full Disclosure: October 11, 2013 (Admitted PA)
Hoping to reconcile


Posts: 58 | Registered: Oct 2013
nicjean83
♀ New Member
Member # 40959
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's shocking as My latest posts says, how fast things change in our situation. How long ago was you DDay? Today My BS and I decided to seperate. yet 2 days ago i thought we were doing ok. I am sitting in a starbucks. with nowhere to go as he has not left yet he wont until tomorrow. I just don't want to be in our house.


Me- WS- 30
Him BS- 35
A- 1 month
Kids 1 age 6
D-day- 10/6/2013

"Just as night is followed by day,so to your dark times will be followed by brighter days"


Posts: 23 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Menifee Ca
Topic Posts: 10

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