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User Topic: 6 years ago today
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

6 years ago, a scared, wounded woman who had been cheated on in EVERY relationship faced her biggest fears and got married. That's me. A 4 year relationship that was a major uphill battle to calm my fears about men and relationships was made "legit". The fear that morning is not something I will *EVER* forget.

I was recently saved, waiting in the back of the church and was FREAKING out. I wanted nothing more than to spend my life making the man waiting for me at the alter happy. That didn't stop my fears though. My photographer got a picture of me before I walked down the aisle and I remember wondering why she gave it to me - I looked TERRIFIED! I was.

I stood back there, praying. Reminding myself that my soon-to-be Husband was different than the rest. HE would never hurt ME. My God had told me what to do and I was walking in obedience and trusting both God and my almost-Hisband.

I was shaking. I was talking myself out of bolting. I was reminding myself just how different this relationship was. Two broken people had found each other and fought some of the most nasty demons together. I had a true companion waiting for me at the alter. It was time to start my new life. I swallowed hard and held my head high as I walked down the aisle.

I will never forget his face when he saw me. He looked so innocent and so beautiful. He couldn't take his eyes off me the whole ceremony. THIS man was who I had waited my whole life for.

Not even 3 years later, THIS man had made me into a monster in his head and pursued an affair. He took a woman who adored him and wanted nothing more than to make him happy and made her into all the nasty things HE was feeling. He stopped seeing ME 2 years after we said I do. The unspeakable, the unimaginable.

My divorce will be final in 3 weeks. This morning I stood next to him in the church we got married in and it felt like it was any other day and he was a stranger. I've waited for 4 years for MY Husband to come back to me. I guess my heart has no hope left.

Despite all this, I do not regret that day 6 years ago. I am not even close to the same woman. Through him, I learned to love again. Through his love, I learned just how powerful love can be. Through his betrayal I learned how strong I am. Through his betrayal I learned just how many of my own demons needed to be put into submission. My heart is forever changed because of this day, 6 years ago. A new woman was born that day. She has had a lot of growing pains and has many more to go in her future but she was re-born.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow...

Through him, I learned to love again. Through his love, I learned just how powerful love can be. Through his betrayal I learned how strong I am. Through his betrayal I learned just how many of my own demons needed to be put into submission. My heart is forever changed because of this day, 6 years ago. A new woman was born that day. She has had a lot of growing pains and has many more to go in her future but she was re-born.

Gave me chills.

Thank you for sharing.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3792 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much for sharing!

Posts: 11582 | Registered: Mar 2008
HurtsButImOK
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a beautiful bittersweet post.

I too am trying to look at this as a learning and growth experience. I don't always succeed but hell I am trying.

thank you for posting


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 722 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Dallas2
♀ Member
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow- what a story! You are are an amazing woman!!!


Me

Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I too am trying to look at this as a learning and growth experience. I don't always succeed but hell I am trying.

Hey in my world - a moment of success IS success! Progress not perfection right? We won't talk about where my mood went after I posted this.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
Topic Posts: 6

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