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User Topic: premeditated
heartbrokeninaz
♀ Member
Member # 40779
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I will explain by saying that we were in Colorado all summer working. We live in Arizona. My WH started texting the OP 10 days before he went home to check on our house. He wanted to get a massage for me for my BDay. How sweet right? He had not seen her or talked to her for over 3 years. Nothing had ever happened between them before. We all knew each other but she was a friend of our friends. Their texting turned into them talking about how terrible our marriage was, yadda, yadda. When he went home to Phoenix they meet that night to catch up. He picked her up in a parking lot. He told me that he knew from a couple days out, that his plan was to try to seduce her. Do I need to be more concerned that this was premeditated instead of spontanious? Or does it even really matter? It seems like it would have to be planned since we were in a different state. Does this make him more of a risk? He has never strayed before. He also has had NC with her, I can check his phone, he doesn't go out alone anymore, and a gps tracker so I know where he is all the time. Can I believe this was really a 1 time HUGE mistake on his part?


BW 40 (me)
WH 40
DDay 1 07/31/13 ONS with horseface
DDay 2 05/09/14 inappropriate texts
with another OW
One last shot

Posts: 195 | Registered: Sep 2013
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can I believe this was really a 1 time HUGE mistake on his part?

Nope- because an A is never a mistake. All A's are premeditated.

Not once have I looked down and seen my husband's dick inside my vajayjay/mouth and wondered how on earth it got there!!

To do so he first has to get his trousers off and get an erecction!!

THAT is premeditated.

It's whether he puts the work into getting IC or not that makes him a bigger risk to having another A in the future.


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now becomeć

Posts: 1571 | Registered: Jul 2009
befuzzled110
♀ Member
Member # 35787
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every affair has pre-thoughts. Adulterers do this to give themselves time to rationalize and give themselves permission. My WH was in an emotional affair, and he talked himself into moving it into a PA before he made his move- each time. Using the rationalization that I was moody, or the marriage was shaky. It always came down to me being his excuse to give himself permission. This isn't about you. It never was. It has everything to with the WS and their skewed thinking patterns. They are generally unhappy with themselves and will spend time "thinking" about how to "get away with it" or give themselves "permission". I haven't come across one WS yet, who just jumped right in, with no thought first, and have read that that behavior is actually really rare.


Me: 37 and awesome
Him: 42 and not so awesome
OW1: 47 and desperate OW2: 34, freshly divorced, was once my friend OW3: is OW1 who took in WH during seperation.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Michigan
Skye
Member
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All A's are premeditated.

Absolutely. And how do you know it was only once? Can you eat just one potato chip? Seriously, I doubt anyone lies only once and since he lies, you can't know if this was the first or the only.

If you choose to reconcile, you need to know you are reconciling with someone who is capable of lying, cheating and hurting you. You need to be prepared for it to happen again, even if it doesn't. You need to be able to protect yourself.


Posts: 5617 | Registered: Jul 2002
Doubts
♀ Member
Member # 40209
Funny  Posted: 9:38 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you MrsDoubtFire for the laugh this morning. I have been dealing with this crap for five months and really needed the giggle.

Posts: 64 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: CA
Itstoohard
♀ Member
Member # 37629
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know what you mean Doubts. Mine made plans to go to another state. Bought plane tickets on his own- something he never before or since has done. A three hour flight and never once thought of his family! So it's not like he got the urge and followed thru. He thought about this for days. Pissed me off too that he would never take a day off for us but no problem for her.


BS 64
fWH 64
PA 22 yrs ago
Started as EA for 2 yrs then ONS CORRECTION Started as an EA for 8 years
Trustismyissue

Posts: 173 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: US
heartbrokeninaz
♀ Member
Member # 40779
Happy  Posted: 9:52 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lol that made me laugh! Thank you! It was only once. I caught the idiot the next day through his facebook page and all hell broke loose over the phone. I logged in under his page and she started messaging "him". I just had a gut feeling something was not right. She was sure surprised lol. Needless to say they did not contact eachother again (phone records prove) and he flew back to Colorado the next morning. It sure feels nice to have something to laugh about


BW 40 (me)
WH 40
DDay 1 07/31/13 ONS with horseface
DDay 2 05/09/14 inappropriate texts
with another OW
One last shot

Posts: 195 | Registered: Sep 2013
Sparkle0504
♀ Member
Member # 40379
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((MrsDoubtfire)))

First time I've been able to smile today. Thank you:)


Me 44 (BS)
Him 52 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011
Children - two, mine from my previous marriage
Final straw 6/6/14

The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies


Posts: 191 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
Skye
Member
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also caught my husband ONLY once. You have much more faith than I.

Posts: 5617 | Registered: Jul 2002
Topic Posts: 9

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