♀ New Member
Member # 40448
| Posted: 12:37 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013|
I've also felt this dilemma. Before this I would have laughed if someone told me my sweet, kind, faithful husband would cheat. But he got wasted and had a ONS with a stranger. I've wondered what that means about his character but now I understand that he is still the same kind, loving, good person who just made an awful mistake.
I do think that "decent guys" can make mistakes (decent women too). I wholeheartedly believe that no one is immune to infidelity, good people, bad people, and everything in the middle.
IMO serial cheaters are different, I'm not judging, I just know that I couldn't work through those kinds of issues personally. I think anyone who allows themselves to be unfaithful to a partner they love has some deep issues of their own that they aren't coping with in the right ways. I think any kind of person can make mistakes and have an A or ONS, even good ones.
I learned the hard way not to talk about it with anyone. Right after d-day I confided in a friend who I thought would be a good support. Instead she ripped my H apart and told me what a dirty, lying, POS he was and that I was weak for staying. So not helpful. After that, I realized that no one's opinion matters but my own & my husband's. I'm not telling anyone anything about my marriage anymore.
I understand you wanting to reach out for support and it's hard to hear when someone tells you your H is not a decent guy. I also think she didn't mean to offend you. She probably hasn't suffered through betrayal or it may have ended badly if she has. I didn't know that my friend who reacted so negatively had been cheated on and left for the OW so I guess I can understand why she feels so strongly. I still don't think it's okay to criticize someone else for trying to work through infidelity. No one can understand what goes on & the feelings involved in someone else's marriage. I'm not sure if someone may have pointed this out already, but I also think it's important to note that your friend can't judge your husband's actions in the way that you do because she has no investment in him. She doesn't love him or have years worth of good memories with him, so it's much easier for her to have a black and white, good person vs. bad person opinion of him.
Me - BS 23
Him - WS 24
His drunk ONS - 8/5/13 (sex was not completed)
DDay - 8/18/13
Junior High Sweethearts: Eachother's first & only before this.
Together 8 years, married 3 years.
No kids for awhile if at all, both in college.
Posts: 15 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Texas