Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: TorontoGuy (44195)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Detachment, do you ever love again?
suposd2btheonly1
♀ Member
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel as if Ive detached from my WH. I honestly dont really care if were together or not. If we separated today I wouldnt cry over it. I cant see myself without him but I dont feel like I love him anymore. I dont wish he was with me when Im away from the house or miss him while hes at work. I dont call him on my home from work or look forward to his phone calls while hes on lunch anymore. Last night my mom had the kids at her house for the night. Instead of coming home and waking H up for sex like I would have before all this I crept into the room, quietly crawled into bed and went to sleep on the other side of the bed. I just dont care to be close to him anymore.

Once you start feeling this way is there any hope at all? Do you learn to love them again? Do you gradually fall back in love or fall in love with the 'new' them Or is it just done?

Sometimes I think that once we get through the holiday season Ill just leave him. I dont want the kids to go through a breakup during the holiday season. I want that to always be a happy time for them. Ive become really numb to every emotion lately. The only thing I have really felt for him recently is anger and disgust.


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
hobbeskat
♀ Member
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wish I could answer that. I feel like I love him in some way, but not at all the way I did. I hope it comes back.

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
thenon-goddess
♀ Member
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, detachment led to separation and separation led to...happiness. Like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I think you'll know when you're done. Good luck!


Status: divorcing
Typing on an iPhone - please excuse the typos!

Posts: 1238 | Registered: Feb 2011
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sliding quickly into detachment as well, so I can totally relate. I thought to myself today, what if he magically started doing every single thing right and finally got it, could I love again? I don't know, I just don't know. I can't imagine it. I can't imagine forgiving what's been done.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
housenotahome
♀ Member
Member # 32423
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello suposd2b. What you're going through is completely normal, especially in the beginning. I've spent many days fantasizing what life would be like to be on my own, still do but not as much. Detaching for me was part of the mourning process. I missed who I was married to and now that person no longer exists and I don't know if he ever did, but that doesn't matter now because I have to see if I can fall in love with my new H. I still love and care very deeply for my H, that never went away and I suspect that you still love your H because
I cant see myself without him
and you're trying to R. I've detached because I felt like I was married to a stranger. I also did it because he could change his mind about R because I was no longer the same person. Detachment is one of many defense mechanisms you will have the pleasure of experiencing. Even with my remorseful spouse, the fantasy of leaving came in cycles, especially the "after the dreaded holidays" fantasy. It has been happening less lately. He works hard every day to fix himself and I am starting to enjoy his company. The jury is still out on everything but I am starting to feel a positive presence, but we'll see if that changes tomorrow.
You're very brave for giving him another chance and I hope you tell yourself that every day.


Me BS
Him WS
Married 10 years together 14
DDay Mar.2011
Mistake-Going through a stop sign because you didn't see it.
Poor choice-You saw the stop sign and went through it anyway.

Posts: 772 | Registered: Jun 2011
broken <3
♀ Member
Member # 35098
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel the same way. He just recently got a tattoo on his ring finger of my initials (we were engaged but he abandoned me). I just don't feel anything for him. He keeps pressing me to say "I love you" to him but it's just not there. I think I'm suffering from postpartum depression too. I'm not sure where I'm going with this but I'm in the same boat as you. And it truly sucks.


Me - BS mother of 15 month old identical twin girls (conceived during HB)
Him - serial cheater
R? Still not sure if this is a deal breaker...

Posts: 459 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West coast Canada
needrespect
♀ Member
Member # 37951
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could have written this post exactly the same. I have told WH that he has until February to figure out a way to make me want to stay. He has been doing all he can for R but it is never enough for me. He can not undo the damage and I fear this was all a deal breaker. Time will tell.

(((suposd2btheonly1)))


BS-me 45
WH-40
married 11 yrs, together 15
DS13 DS9
Dday May 2012 EA
False R... Dday#2 11/30/2012 PA same MOW

The opposite of love is not hate ... It is indifference.
Status:%$$&^&^$#@@
seems I'm on the 15 year plan


Posts: 69 | Registered: Dec 2012
suposd2btheonly1
♀ Member
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its nice, and heartbreaking at the same time, to know my feelings are normal and that I'm not the only one experiencing them.

He had to have a meeting at work today and OW was there, idk if I even care anymore.

What a sad way to feel.

Thank you all for the replies, they mean so much to me.


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
ShatteredLove00
♀ New Member
Member # 40830
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I missed who I was married to and now that person no longer exists and I don't know if he ever did.

and
I've detached because I felt like I was married to a stranger.

Wow, these describe me exactly. My husband did something that I just feel is unforgivable. And then I found out that not only did he do the terrible, disgusting thing, but that he's been lying and keeping secrets about online sexual activities - including looking up Craigslist NSA sex ads since a couple months after we got married - for the last 8 years. I feel like it's all been a lie, that the person I thought I was married to never existed. It's a horrible reality and this person that I live with now seems like a roommate that I basically can't stand to even look at but am tied to in so many ways. It makes me sad to think about leaving, but it makes me really sad to think about staying and feeling like this for the rest of my life. Someone said, would you be happier with your WS or without them? At this point, I am feeling like it would be without him. :( What makes me sad is losing the man that I loved. But not the man he turned out to be.


Me: BS (29) Him: SAWH (30)
HS Sweethearts, WAS each other's 1st/onlys. 1 child & 8 months pregnant when he hired prostitute/confessed.
D-Day: September 1, 2013
Shocked, disgusted, and struggling.

Posts: 34 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
brokendancer7
♀ Member
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it bothers FWH that I don't say "I love you" anymore. But I said it, texted it all the time and wrote it often, up to DD. All of a sudden, I didn't know what the hell I was married to any more, so how could I say I loved it? We have been together so long that I am attached at some level, but right now, it's not romantic love. I hope i can feel it again over time.


Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA


Posts: 179 | Registered: Jul 2013
toughernow
♀ Member
Member # 40915
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you ever love again?

I have never stopped loving him. Not even for a minute, not even when I was throwing up in the toilet at the thought of the two of them together. There have been times when I wished, even prayed to stop loving him so that I could walk away from this wreckage. I have actually prayed for that level of detachment

I have stopped liking him, I have stopped trusting him, I have stopped believing in him. These were the things that were lost in the fire.
When people say that love alone will not pull a couple though this kind of trauma (JMO) I think they are right.

My love for fWH has never been in question. The question for me is how do I get those other feelings back.

[This message edited by toughernow at 3:33 PM, October 27th (Sunday)]


BS (Me) - 47
WS(Him) -48

Married 23 years - together for 29 years


DDay - June 10th 2012 then TT'd-June 2012 - July 2012 (and beyond????)
2 amazing children

"Understanding love is one of the hardest things in life." - Fred Rogers


Posts: 98 | Registered: Oct 2013
NotDefeatedYet
♂ Member
Member # 33642
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's the way I am. When were not together, I get where I dread having to see her again. When we are home together, it's just kind of blah. She does her thing and I do mine. I don't know that I'll ever feel anything like I did before. I think I just sort of feel indifferent towards her.


"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."

Posts: 765 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Texas
suposd2btheonly1
♀ Member
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to hate my work hours, although swing shift is much better than graveyard, but I love them now. Well love/hate. I like that when i get home WH is asleep and I don't have to deal with him. I hate it bc it limits my time with the kids though.

Going home at night to him isn't as exciting as it used to be. If he ever waits up for me I want to go someplace else.


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Topic Posts: 13

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.