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User Topic: Not again - final straw
hangingonin
♀ Member
Member # 29530
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After 3 years of multiple ddays. My partner - I'll call him WH even though we are not married. My WH has finally gone over my line in the sand. Last night he brought an escort into our house & spent the night with her, whilst I am visiting an elderly aunt with dementia in Scotland.
I feel so violated & have told him the relationship is over. I am angry but also scared for the future. I just feel I need some support from you all out there. I know I need to be strong but not sure where I'll find the strength. Not sure what my next steps should be once I get home tomorrow.

We have been in a relationship for 27years & have a son at university. I feel it has all been such a waste.

[This message edited by hangingonin at 10:38 AM, October 26th (Saturday)]


Posts: 77 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: SE England, UK
emotionalgirl
♀ Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hangingonin....I don't blame you for feeling this is the final straw, how horrible and a total violation of you and your relationship.

Your next steps should be to a lawyer...even though you are not legality married, you are still common law partners. That means according to the law you have same rights as any BS who shared vows!

You are amazingly strong, I can tell just from your post. Have no fear! The future will be fine and SI is here to support us all!

(((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry he's done this.

You have the strength you need. You're not 20, but you've got a lot of life in you yet, and probably a lot of wisdom to help you get through it.

I think the unknown scares just about everybody. Change scares a lot of us (including me). But we all can think and act effectively even when we're scared, and that includes you. Fear is awful, but you'll work through it.

The best way to stay strong is to be gentle with yourself - drink water, eat healthy, positive self-talk, support IRL.

If a hug helps, (((hangingonin)))


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10383 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
hangingonin
♀ Member
Member # 29530
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your support. Yes a lawyer will be my next step. I really am dreading seeing him tomorrow night when I get home but hope I can act with dignity & ignore him & go straight to bed. I have left my door keys at home so have told him he at least needs to be there to let me in, if he wants to leave - fine, but I will ask for his door keys. I hope I can do this. When I asked him why he said he wasn't prepared to give up all of his lives. He obviously doesn't care if he f****s up mine!!Thanks for the hugs. I'll let you all know how I get on tomorrow.

Posts: 77 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: SE England, UK
hangingonin
♀ Member
Member # 29530
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your support. Yes a lawyer will be my next step. I really am dreading seeing him tomorrow night when I get home but hope I can act with dignity & ignore him & go straight to bed. I have left my door keys at home so have told him he at least needs to be there to let me in, if he wants to leave - fine, but I will ask for his door keys. I hope I can do this. When I asked him why he said he wasn't prepared to give up all of his lives. He obviously doesn't care if he f****s up mine!!Thanks for the hugs. I'll let you all know how I get on tomorrow.

Posts: 77 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: SE England, UK
hangingonin
♀ Member
Member # 29530
Default  Posted: 1:28 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm home again. Not much of a confrontation - I got in, I asked for the house keys which he gave me & then he left. He left me a letter suggesting ways of sorting out the finances. All very reasonable but I think I'm going to talk to the bank as I am scared he might clear the joint account that all the bills are paid from. I feel absolutely awful. Just hope I'm strong enough to get through this.

Posts: 77 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: SE England, UK
shatter-ed
♀ Member
Member # 27159
Default  Posted: 4:00 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hangingonin))) sorry he has done this.

I am struggling with R with a fully remorseful WH and I say that if he ever did anything again he would be gone, but I know that is easier said than done. Our lives, our future we had planned are gone and going forward on our own is scary but your WH is not only unremorseful but still betraying you! you deserve better than this.

So he left, just like that! Wow ! 'He' is obviously all that is important to him! The counseling doesn't seem to have helped him?

I'll say it again 'you' deserve better. You are strong and you will get through this. I am in the uk too, so around the same as you, if you need a chat pm me.

[This message edited by shatter-ed at 4:01 AM, October 28th (Monday)]


BS (me)
WH
3 amazing kids.
R - trying.
DDay - 06/11/09 MOW desperate fugly neighbor

Posts: 599 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: uk
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 4:06 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry hangingonin - he is an asshole. You can and will get through this and be better off without him. So terribly sorry he let you down. ((HUGS))


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Topic Posts: 8

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