I am almost 5 years post d-day. What I have learned these past 5 years is......
I can't heal my WH I need to heal myself and make myself whole, as he needs to heal himself and make himself whole. In the beginning we were so busy trying to reconcile as a couple, but we kept falling backwards. What I can tell you is work on healing yourself, and by doing the work, it will allow you to reconnect with who you really are/were and who you want to be moving forward. I came to the realization that after being in a marriage for 32 years that I had completely lost my identity, yet I had no idea that it was lost. I'm spending time on myself and doing much soul searching. I am finding the person I lost. And I really like her,I didn't really like the person I had become. The best advice I can give to someone who is somewhat new to recovery, is work on yourself. You are not responsible to fix/heal your WS. Work on making yourself whole.
We are currently going to therapy by ourselves and just started with a new marriage counselor. Hopefully we can make this work! But if we can't I know I can walk away knowing that I did everything I could, and yet walk away being the strong confident woman who somehow got lost in her 32 years of doing, for everyone else.
A book that has helped me immensely is
In the Meantime by Iyana Vanzant.
Good luck to all of you in your journey!