If you want more time, tell that to your H and your IC. It's your time. (If they push for a decision nevertheless, I hope your decision is to split, since you can't do much of anything long term with an addict who continues to feed the addiction.)
If you don't want to split, IMO you really need to make sure you're not Rescuing (or enabling) your H's addiction and addictive behaviors. You also, IMO, need to define your boundaries.
Drinking once a month IS an improvement - but what's with the nightly 'fast food' runs? I have a very hard time seeing a way that could be healthy.
And what's with white-knuckling his addiction? I accept that his intentions are good, but that just doesn't work well at all.
If you're not ready to quit, so be it - but if you don't figure out what your limits are, and/or you don't keep yourself from being an enabler, you're doing yourself and your kids great disservices. You and they deserve better.
It's time to stop planning; it's time to act in the best interests of you and your family - and that includes your H.
But, you're all so very right.
"We accept the love we think we deserve." -Stephen Chbosky (Perks of Being a Wallflower) This was my tag when I first joined. Funny, how I took it off...as I've been living a life of denial, shock, and disbelief. Well, I gave it almost a year. I did it and yes, liberty does rock! Sweet freedom.
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 4:53 PM, October 24th (Thursday)]
1st off- your Buk tag line is something I reminded myself starting 5 years ago when my best friends died- it just left me for awhile and I'm glad you reminded me. I need to put the book back on my coffee table. :)
2nd I'm in a similar situation as all of you: almost a year. He's doing a lot of the "right" things yet at MC yesterday, I asked him if he would take a polygraph to let me know that I could believe him from now on (he's been asking me just to believe that he loves me after months of lying and blame shifting.
After we left the office he proclaimed that he wouldn't do it because it would just give me "ammunition". Like I don't have enough? Like this is some fucking game I'm playing just to see what he'll do for me?
He told me he doesn't like me much anymore. I said "Hey, when we get divorced you can tell everyone what a bitch I became after you cheated on me."
He actually thinks I'm doing things to punish him. What. The. Fuck.
I really don't feel like I know him at all anymore. After almost 13 years. I feel like I live with a stranger. The thing is, if he had just religiously read SI like I asked him to, he would know that all of this is normal from a betrayed person. I feel like I have to hold his hand and put in front of his face all the things that will make me feel better. No initiative.
What do you do when someone does most of the right things but only because you told them to? And then if one is out of their comfort zone they outright refuse? I've dealt with so many deal breakers so I don't even think I have any fucking reasonable boundaries left.