Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts-12
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time for another update. I have no faith SAWH is sober, none. Too many flags, my gut screaming. I asked for some physical/emotional space, that led to a horrible few days. Met him at his CSAT office yesterday who got him to agree to my new boundaries. Basically he is now not to sleep with me, change in front of me, come in bathroom or bedroom if I am in there and I don't want to talk about personal stuff. Time to detach. In the event I am wrong, which I highly doubt, it just means the new sober SAWH is a total jerk and not someone I would want to be married to or I am right and he will go further down his trail of destruction. But - he can't take me with him unless I let him. I am job hunting and fixing me and my kids.

My antidepressants have me feeling more alive which is good because I can function but now I can feel the pain. I have had two major episodes in two days where I thought I would die from the pain. Full blown balling, screaming - makes my original Dday look like a skinned knee. I start my new IC Friday. Still haven't found a counselor for the kids.

I'm moving on. Slowly but surely.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 739 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Full blown balling, screaming - makes my original Dday look like a skinned knee.
I used to spend my time alone in the car belting out lyrics to "done-me-wrong" songs and screaming obscenities. Many times I arrived at a therapy session hoarse.

I scoured the internet for things I wanted to scream at X (think Chevy Chase's rant in "Christmas Vacation" plus lots more) and made a word document. When alone in the house, I'd get that out and yell those insults out. Usually two readings would release a lot of pain for me.

The other thing that I was surprised was effective was to just sit at my computer and "journal" that rage. Just getting it out helps.

{{{{SoDamn}}}} You can do this. Life on the other side is grand.


Posts: 1062 | Registered: Aug 2010
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The other thing that I was surprised was effective was to just sit at my computer and "journal" that rage. Just getting it out helps.

I do journal quite a bit and have since the first Dday. On the days I doubt my gut, it's really good to have those to go back to. Stupid that I'm still feeling the need to prove myself right when I have been right for SO long.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 739 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
hathnofury
♀ Member
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sodamnlost))) I am so sorry. Hang in there hon. You are doing great.


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1410 | Registered: Jun 2011
hathnofury
♀ Member
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So a bump in the NoFury household.

SAWH and I have always had different views on billpaying. At the risk of sounding tacky I believe in paying them on time, in full if I can, and he, well, does not. One of the requirements for R was that any and all bills in my name had to be paid on time. I would not tolerate any potential dings to my credit report. I need clean credit to feel safe, in case I have to leave the M.

A year ago I set up a pest control service. SAWH wanted to cancel it after a year because they weren't very accommodating to our schedule. I was fine with it, but he had to handle closing the account and making sure it was paid since it was in my name. Big mistake. Anyway, I'm sure you can guess what happened. He said he cancelled it, they said he didn't and billed us again. Sigh.

So SAWH said he'd take care of it. Dragged his feet, they started sending past due, we will soon send this to collections notices. He finally called and said he worked something out with them. What he did was confirm cancellation and asked them to send another itemized bill to stall paying them. Then he didn't pay it.

I get a collection letter. I hit the roof. Called him up and chewed him out. He swore he cancelled it, they knew he was paying this month, etc when he got the itemized bill. Then started to blame me for handling the mail and him not seeing that bill. So now he's gaslighting and probably lying. It's like DD all over again. I blow a gasket, throw a fit, hang up, and then text him if there is a hit on my credit report there will be dire consequences.

He calls later and says he has resolved it all with them, they admitted *their* mistake, and there will be no impact on my credit report. I can confirm he paid it via online records, of course I can't trust whose fault it is or whether it will show up on the credit report.

Had a huge discussion at home about it later. He still sticking to his story. I tell him how disappointed I am at his reaction, the blaming of me, etc. And he basically says I never admit when I am wrong, and how he always has to concede. The only thing I did wrong was trust him to handle my account. He goes at great lengths to discuss how we can avoid this in the future with *our* habits, but never addresses *his* bill paying habits, which are the issue (aside from the gaslighting, blameshifting, entitlement, etc). Huge step backward.

I lay it all out for him, tell him I can't make him see what he refuses to see, but I can tell him what I won't tolerate and enforce consequences. What I wish I had said was how sad it was more important for him to be right than do the right thing. But I have said this in the past with no effect. I did say something to the effect of I already did my therapy and I was tired of waiting for him to catch up so he *could* see these things. That if he had been doing what he was supposed to all along, he'd see this stuff by now.

He conceded the bad bill paying habits, etc. Apologized for the confusion but not the important stuff. Admitted defeat on the other points, but not because he agrees. He still thinks I overreacted. I'm still pissed. We have been cordial, I pretty much avoided all physical contact except for around the kids. I'm not going to dwell on this because there is no point. He has conceded because he feels no choice, not because he understands what he did wrong.

He already bought me flowers before this went down. Today my parents sent me four dozen roses because my mother recently learned how to order flowers in bulk for cheap . So I am sure this will make whatever he had planned for Valentines pale in comparison, at least in his eyes. I don't want to deal with that. I can foresee some other minor things that will happen this week where he will most likely disappoint me, and because I am already pissed I will be more sensitive to them. I kind of want to punt on doing anything for him for Valentine's, but I don't want to set a bad example for the kids or raise questions with my parents who are coming to visit this weekend.

Ugh. I know compared to the shitstorm of the first year out, or even year two, this is pretty small. I hate that this keeps happening, that events like this can feel epic, even if they aren't frequent. I am beginning to question if I really can keep doing this for the long haul. I have the tools to handle this stuff, I just don't know if I want to any more. Yet at the same time it seems stupid to call it quits now when we have come so far.

I know this is rambly. Thanks for reading. I already feel your love and support. You know how it is. Just another day at the office.


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1410 | Registered: Jun 2011
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hath,

Seriously, does this shit run in cycles? Im beginning to think that there must be a SA version of the Farmers Almanac! I'm circling around in the same cul-de-sac.

This week as been brutal. I developed shingles last week (stress anyone?) and coupled with all the scheduling issues as a result of the unusual winter weather here in the south, I feel beat up! I came home from work today and SAWH is on the phone talking to his sponsor. The conversation lasted for at least 15 minutes after I walked in. He is unusually edgy and seems distant. I ask what's going on. He tells me that at his last IC appointment he was asked to write a letter to his mother. It is a letter that won't be sent but, I'm guessing, is meant to help him start to release the hostility he has towards her. His next appointment is tomorrow. Where is he? In front of the TV.

I'm so angry and frustrated. I'm so sick of waiting for this man to wake up and understand what being in a relationship is all about. I'm sick of paying for the sins of his mother. I feel like that obnoxious little girl in Willie Wonka..."I want it now!"

Honestly, I am wondering. After all these years, am I going to know what it's all about? I mean, all that stuff about being "one"? I'm really starting to doubt it. I guess I have to come to terms with if I can accept that this is the way it is. The only option is to cut ties and roll the dice. I've never been a gambler but, here I am at the craps table.

He said he feels like I am disappointed with my life. Not when I look at the big picture but, who wouldn't be? What little girl ever says "I'm going to grow up and get married and have children, then one of them will die but, I will have some beautiful grandchildren. Then, for the last half of my marriage, my husband will waste our fortune on prostitutes." Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of.

Sorry for the rant/vent. I'm just having one of those nights too.


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 36 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell

Posts: 497 | Registered: Apr 2013
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hath, I can so relate to the bills issue. It was always such a power struggle. He wanted to do it "his" way, I wanted to do it any way, but together, because I knew there were leaks, wanted him to acknowledge them, maybe stop them up, of course they were strippers and related stuff, he wasn't about to fess up there. At one point I turned it all over to him. NOTHING got paid, Fugeduboutit, as they say! I do all the bill paying. It just isn't worth taking a risk with my credit.

About V-day. It was 35 years ago that SAFWH called me on the phone from all the way around the world to propose. I told him NO overpriced roses, please. He brought home lovely supermarket flowers today since we are likely to be snowed in the rest of the week. I have a tough time getting a card, mushy just isn't me. I'm hoping for a token something and that's all.

Outta, you gotta give up the outcome. You just must. It's crazy making. Of course he's going to put off this most difficult of tasks, it's asking him to FEEL! Let his IC yell at him for not doing it. Not you. Don't micromanage his recovery. YOU CANNOT CONTROL IT!

That said, go to a Retrouvaille workshop girl! It's all about feelings! He'll be forced to confront them in a non threatening, structured way. It's truly a brilliant method for that.

And frankly, that convo with his sponsor is a really positive thing...their relationship with that mother issue is so complex and so hard for them to face. God help me if my sons feel the same about me...


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2933 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My head knows this stuff and, in all honesty, I don't feel like I want to control it as much as I'm wishing he were as motivated to address all the issues that have kept us from having the true benefits of what marriage was intended to be.

As a young mother with 3 small children, I got into a routine of watching soap operas while the babies took their afternoon nap. Over the course of several months, I found myself becoming more and more disillusioned about my H. Why couldn't he be like all those guys on there? They were smart, sensitive, romantic and, oh yeah, not real! I sincerely had to come to realization that this was not everyday life. It was fantasy and it was causing me to be disappointed in my life. I changed the afternoon routine keeping the tv off or on a crafting channel. I just wasn't that hard. I was in my early twenties. I saw the problem, recognized the harm it was doing and I changed the behavior. Done. I've never watched another one in all these years.

I guess what I'm saying is after a year of pure, hellish pain, it seems we have made such little progress in the area of him being able to recognize the reasons for his angst, see the harm it is doing and change the way he looks at and deals with things. I just feel like he is still very resistant to being able to feel the hurt associated with these issues even tho it most likely will be a break through for more progress.

He is trying. Really, he is. He has twisted himself into a pretzel trying to accommodate my every need. What he can't figure out, even after me telling him, is that while I enjoy being pampered and taken care of, given a choice I would choose for him to stop focusing on that and delve head first into ridding himself of all this baggage his has been carrying his whole adult life. It's just time for it.


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 36 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell

Posts: 497 | Registered: Apr 2013
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 6:16 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by outtanowhere at 6:17 AM, February 13th (Thursday)]


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 36 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell

Posts: 497 | Registered: Apr 2013
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you. I don't think any of us want to control for real. But I've come to understand, especially with our OLDER SAFWHs that it's one of the hardest things to deal with. We want to get on with it, fix the problem and get on with a HEALTHY life. They are wading through a lifetime of sewage. Each time they
Put aside a shovel of shit another one falls in their path. It truly isn't fair to us, but its another piece of this crap sandwich.


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2933 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exactly! Sometimes I think it just isn't meant to be but, am leaving myself open to the possibility. I'm trying to focus more on making sure my life is fulfilled in other meaningful ways. Just hard to wake up at this age and realize that the one thing you always wanted may stay just beyond your reach.


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 36 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell

Posts: 497 | Registered: Apr 2013
sadone29
♀ Member
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I don't post much anymore, but thought I'd give an update. It's nice to see so many new people (not nice that we're here, but nice that we have some place to go).

H and I are a few weeks from our first anti-versary. It's been an interesting ride to say the least. I understand now why they say to wait a year. It took about 10 months for me to stop feeling like I was losing my mind.

The past two months have been really interesting. I feel like I'm finally letting go. I can see now how I tried to control everything and how I tried to be perfect in every aspect of life.

But nothing is perfect and no one is perfect. I'm becoming more accustomed to this fact.

So many times, I wanted to leave, but I didn't know if it was because I really wanted to, or if it was because of the fear of what others would think if I stayed. Today, I care much less about that. It's my life, no one else's.

H is doing much better. He has a long way to go, but he's progressing, which is nice to witness. He doesn't take me for granted any more. If he is faking it, he's the greatest faker on the planet. When I look back when he was acting out, I can see the red flags so clearly now.

We had a car accident (with the kids in the car) almost 3 weeks ago. It hammered in even more for him just how much he actually loves us. I was the only injured one in our car (head on impact on my side of the car) and it really woke me up to the reality of how we can go at any time. It actually has helped me to relax. I know that sounds weird. For a few weeks, I was extremely hyper aware and frightened, but now I feel more at peace. Life is too short to hold on to the baggage. If you can let some of it go, we have to at least try. I feel more comfortable with my emotional wounds. I used to think I was so different from those around me, but we all have our different wounds. I'm not special and knowing this has helped me to stop trying to act perfectly in front of others. I am much more concerned with myself now and my own healing. For the first time in a maybe ever, I'm starting to feel comfortable in my own skin. Now that I've stopped trying to hold the world together, I can see how it was exhausting me.

If another DDay happens, I know that I'll be all right. Sure it would be devastating, but I would be able to survive because I am now focused on me. I know now that I can live without him if that's how it goes. I can't live with lies and he knows this. I'm not sure I can ever think of 'forever' with him or anyone else again, but I'm starting to be okay with that. Right now things are better than they have been since before we had kids. I'm trying to allow myself to enjoy it, and not judge myself too harshly.


SAWH: working hard on all addictions
Out of limbo hell. R Feb. 15
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding -proverbs 3:5

Posts: 456 | Registered: Mar 2013
Sammy2013
♀ Member
Member # 41040
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadone29, it has helped me so much to read your post. WH and I are at he very beginning of the journey and this makes me feel better.

He shocked me this week and went to a sex addic specialist therapist. It was one of my conditions, but I will admit I was starting to think he wouldn't do it. But he did and he has finally admitted to he SA. He said he went into the session fully expecting to hear "you aren't an addict. Just a man who travels for work who was lonely and curious." He said it took her about 8 minutes and then she confirmed the SA. He then went to the bookstore and bought every book he could find on sex addiction she recommended. And a couple for me as the spouse. He is now coming to terms with his addiction. That he isn't "special". That it is a sickness.

We are separated and he says he has spent a lot of time reading over the past couple of days. We had MC yesterday and he (counselor) sees hope and progress in both of us. I am working on myself and any codependency issues I have, went to a coda meeting. I am hitting a AlAnon meeting tomorrow night, hoping it might be a better fit (the coda meeting was small and I was uncomfortable, I want to sit and observe first). We spent last night together and had a nice time.

He has admitted to the problem. I am looking at that as a positive step. He has weekly sessions set up with the sex addict counselor. Bi-weekly with IC. Weekly MC. I have weekly IC. He said te sex therapist might want to meet with both of us at one point. All new ground for me. It's exhausting to be honest.


WH -37
BS (me) 38
Married 12 years, 3 kiddos
Up to 4 DDays. Prostitutes, 2 affairs, SA diagnosis now with 1 relapse so far (massage parlor with happy ending).
Waiting, observing, working on me.

Posts: 195 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southeast United States
cds22
♀ Member
Member # 39083
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadone, cheering for you over here!! :) :)

Hath, sk, outta and others, we also have the forget to pay bills and do household tasks IN SPADES. All of our bills are set to autopay and our checking account is set to free overdraft protection by drawing money from our savings account (I use ally online bank which offers currently .65% interest on checking and .87% interest on savings so I put much of our emergency fund in the savings and let that serve as an overdraft buffer). On the emotional side, I don't know if this applies to anyone else and my case was more severe than a one-off in terms of ungodly stonewalling on household tasks. In our second session of MC, it basically came out that H is using not doing household stuff in a passive-aggressive way and that he resents me. Yes, H admitted he resents me because I might end our marriage, because he has to live with how much he hurt me, because he feels diminished in my eyes, because his actions make a fresh start so difficult for us. I just wanted to throw the passive aggressive stuff out there because I assumed it was just selfishness until MC pointed this out and H sadly agreed.

On my end, I was wondering how people used their time to make financial and other exit plans . . . or if you just have ideas for me. In addition to our MC not going that well, H told me he had a relapse this week -- 10 minutes of porn viewing on iphone, did not masturbate. This is his third slip/relapse in under a year -- once walking documentary film with partial nudity, once masturbating no porn, and now this one which seems worse. While this was not per se out side my personal boundaries and I know Rome was not built in a day, I am SICK OF THIS SH*T. I went and read in depth about the porn industry and a site with stories of former porn stars and they are heartbreaking, I am sick to my stomach and if I wasn't so worried about my own potentially divorced finances I would send money.

Anyway, please send ideas on the financial side. I am extremely lucky that I will be OK financially on my own with the kids even if H were to not pay child support (which I don't anticipate). I can keep the house and raise the kid but it will be tight without child support, OK with it. Bearing in mind how lucky I am that that is the case -- it still sucks to take a huge downward step in lifestyle only a handful of years after finally achieving financial security and after putting one's husband through years and years of grueling schooling and training.
I would like to put myself in as good of a position as possible to be as minimally stressed about money and enjoy a few regular splurges including updating things on our newly purchased house that need to be updated and special trips with the kids. Ideas? Frankly I am tending toward a rush of remodeling right now so I can get it the freak done in the event, which is seeming more likely, that H cannot keep these slips/relapses at bay and our MC doesn't work.


Posts: 210 | Registered: Apr 2013
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CD, no response to the money issue, sorry, my situation is very different from yours. But, why does he even have a smartphone if he can't handle it?! I'd say, dumb phone for him...


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2933 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also, another thought. These seem like slips, not relapses. We all know that this is inevitable. Sadly. Do you absolutely need to know about them? Or is it an unnecessary additional trauma, as long as his progress is ever forward and (my personal boundary) no other RL person was involved. If he deal with the slips with sponsor and CSAT appropriately, maybe you don't need to know.

It's a fine line and hard to figure out. On one hand you can't micro manage and want to embrace the idea that it's HIS recovery, on the other hand, ANY acting out seems a new betrayal, and a new path down that dangerous highway.

We have to remember we are dealing with an addictive behavior/substance. It is a fight EVERYDAY for them. Each day they have to wake up and CHOOSE to be sober. If they slip one day, they have to start fresh the next day.

It isn't about us.


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2933 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
cds22
♀ Member
Member # 39083
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, the reason I think relapse is because his behavior was almost entirely porn. If he was someone that had slept with a string of prostitutes then I think porn viewing would be a slip. But his primary addictive activity was the porn. I suppose it was 10 minutes only and he did take the appropriate steps afterward . . . but this is going to be my life? Valentine's flowers one day, more disclosure the next.

H feels very strongly that we cannot rebuild unless he is honest and that his addiction had so much dishonesty that not telling is to him an equally if not more grievous act to the slip/relapse. I appear to have the honest abe of sex addicts--he also voluntarily disclosed his D-day acting out and even petty past infractions. His recover policy--against therapist's and sponsor's advice-- is to always tell me. As for me I would rather know because then I don't have to wonder and because it bears on my life and future. If he cannot get control and maintain ongoing, long-term, porn-free sobriety then I want to be the first to know so I can get the hell out of dodge!!

ETA: since this is the first porn viewing in almost a year we didn't think the smartphone was an issue. Also I think it is very helpful for him at work, driving etc. But we will be rethinking that . . . and I can save 40 bucks a month right there with the difference between smartphone and prepaid cheapie.

[This message edited by cds22 at 7:16 PM, February 16th (Sunday)]


Posts: 210 | Registered: Apr 2013
hathnofury
♀ Member
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Drive by...hugs to all. I have my parents visiting so I can't post long. Just wanted to point out that there are Net-Nanny types of programs for smart phones out there too. I have no idea how they work or how good they are as I have never used one, but they exist. I know for a lot of SAs, these programs make having having a computer or smart phone possible, when otherwise they could not. Just wanted to point out their existence, not my position on them.


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1410 | Registered: Jun 2011
hathnofury
♀ Member
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Drive by...hugs to all. I have my parents visiting so I can't post long. Just wanted to point out that there are Net-Nanny types of programs for smart phones out there too. I have no idea how they work or how good they are as I have never used one, but they exist. I know for a lot of SAs, these programs make having having a computer or smart phone possible, when otherwise they could not. Just wanted to point out their existence, not my position on them.


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1410 | Registered: Jun 2011
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, February 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@cd I appreciate your need to know. However, his need to tell you, against the advice of experts smacks of an issue that I'm not prepared to label but doesn't seem to be in your best interests. Could you not just be told, AFTER THE FACT, "I had a minor slip, I'm dealing with it with my sponsor in this way, here's what I'm doing to prevent it from happening next time." Rather than you knowing the gory details?

I don't know how much you've learned about SA. Generally, addicts have a ritual. The ritual leads to the acting out. They learn in therapy how to interrupt the ritual to prevent the cycle of addiction. Maybe if he was to share some of this with you, rather than just the bad stuff it would help.

Milton Magnuss's FASTT check in helped us. It was a way for my SAFWH to tell me how he was doing with his recovery work.


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2933 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Topic Posts: 783
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40

Return to Forum: I Can Relate Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.