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User Topic: What was most hurtful... The A or the lies?
cluless
♀ Member
Member # 40538
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, October 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Scubachick

That is why this has been bothering me so much. What "if" the shit would have told me instead of lying? Yes it was HORRIBLE when I learned of the A, I think it would have been easier to hear it all. I'm pretty sure IF I didn't have my girlfriend who had reconciled after her WH had 5 affairs, he would have been thrown out on the street.

Those that have been lied to have a double whammy that's for sure. My WH finally "gets it." Have him read these posts.


WH 57
BS 55 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 (stopped counting tt still coming in)
Married 17 yrs, together 20.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.

Status: In careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels and starti


Posts: 166 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oceanside
toughernow
♀ Member
Member # 40915
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, October 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THE LIES! Absolutely, THE LIES!

The A was the thunder, but the lies and everything that is implied with the lying was the lightning.

Scorched earth!

Secrets are toxic in a marriage.


BS (Me) - 47
WS(Him) -48

Married 23 years - together for 29 years


DDay - June 10th 2012 then TT'd-June 2012 - July 2012 (and beyond????)
2 amazing children

"Understanding love is one of the hardest things in life." - Fred Rogers


Posts: 98 | Registered: Oct 2013
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, October 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly there can be no affair without lies so I had to accept the lies and the A as one in the same. I knew that the lies are just a function of the A so it was just a matter of fact sort of thing for me. That is why the lies never bothered me too much and why for me the A was worse. The A nearly killed me. Now, in my case, as soon as dd hit everything about the A stopped including the lies at that very moment. For those dealing with broken NC, A going underground, cake eating and gas lighting all after discovery? That's a different story. Those lies would destroy.

Posts: 311 | Registered: Jul 2012
cluless
♀ Member
Member # 40538
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think if my WH would have had enough respect for me and told me the truth, instead of hide behind a bunch of lies. He played me for a fool. When I was finally told, I could TT and outright lies. This did the most damage to our marriage. But the affair itself damaged it extensively as well. What a heartless thing to do, and especially with NO condemns on and your wife is on auto-immune suppressants. He could have killed me.


WH 57
BS 55 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 (stopped counting tt still coming in)
Married 17 yrs, together 20.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.

Status: In careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels and starti


Posts: 166 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oceanside
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:59 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lies and deceit..hands down!!


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4932 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
cluless
♀ Member
Member # 40538
Default  Posted: 1:31 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What do you say to your WH when his excuse for not telling you truth is because he's afraid of my anger? He's seen me lash out at people and I'm not that bad.

So our whole marriage became a joke and my husband didn't feel comfortable telling me the way he feels. So he chose another woman to tell all his secrets with, to laugh with, to be intimate with while I struggled in the hospital.

Doesn't really leave me anywhere to go, does it?


WH 57
BS 55 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 (stopped counting tt still coming in)
Married 17 yrs, together 20.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.

Status: In careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels and starti


Posts: 166 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oceanside
Saleschick
♀ Member
Member # 39772
Default  Posted: 1:41 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lies and the TT

Had to hear about a business trip he took his affair partner on that I had asked him more than once if she was on and he said NO

I found out from his office manager in the frozen food aisle of our local grocery store that the AP was indeed on the trip with him

The lies never seem to end


Posts: 72 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 67
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4

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