As you can see from my tagline, I separated after a month and filed within 2 months of D-Day. Did I continue to have hope for a while that he would pull his head out of his ass? Yes.. But he just didn't do enough to get me back. At. All.
He continued his affair and continued to lie to me, so it only took a few more hits for me to be absolutely sure I was doing the right thing.
You can always stop the divorce. Keep his feet to the fire. If he truly is remorseful and dedicated to changing himself, that will happen regardless of what you do. Making sure he knows you will NOT tolerate this anymore is so important, so I applaud you.
Unfortunately, no matter what decisions you make, it's still gonna hurt like hell for a long time. There's no shortcut.. But I was glad to have my dignity. I think every BS should throw their WS out the door. Then, they can fight like hell to get back in or walk away. At least then you have your answer. My STBX didn't try very hard to get back in, so I was so glad I threw him out when I did. It sure told me everything I needed to know..
Big hugs to you..