I do agree with these reasons. In addition, I feel like exposing the affair is an important act of self-care and self-love. What I mean by this is - our WS's chose to cheat, lie, deceive along with their AP's. It was not our choice or decision. I feel that in most cases, not telling the OBS what we know also taints us with some of WS's moral poison. Makes us an indirect party to the betrayal, even a facilitator. Who needs that guilt or bad feeling, on top of what our WS's have already dished out?
I know everyone has a different situation, and must make their own choice based on individual circumstance. I chose to tell, and I am so thankful that my conscience is clear. It's a small bright spot, that I did not lose my integrity because of what HE did.
Not choosing to be part of the dirty cover=up was good for my soul.
I really see no downside in telling. None. No even-ifs, no except fors, no unless xyz.
edited for typos (I always have to!)
I had been led to believe that the other spouse already knew (not the case, I later found out), and part of my reason for contacting his wife was to compare notes. I wanted to see if the "truth" that I had been told matched the "truth" that she had been told.
She was glad that I contacted her, and later we were able to compare notes. It absolutely put everything out in the open, and completely shut down any contact between our spouses once they knew there was open communication between his wife and me.
me - husband A46
her - wife A42
Married 17 years
D-Day August 2, 2009
3 kids 11, 13, and 15