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Newest Member: ReasonableDoubt (44577)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: negativity
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iím so negative. There is just no way I can do this. A few have posted about Retrouvaille and a year ago I would have been all over that. Now, I just think, but I donít want to work at this. Iím too damn tired. Heís good in bed, weíre connecting now and makes a lot of money. Can that be enough?

I canít tell him I think about divorce every day. That I wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with another man. That if I see either OW one more time Iíll get on the next plane out of here. That 20 years of positive stuff will never outweigh all the lies, blameshifting and gaslighting. How do you forgive someone who abuses you that way? And then does it again.

The problem is me, not him. It rests solely on a choice I cannot seem to make. I canít jump off the ledge in any direction. I fight recovery, and all the things that I would have to do to get there: forgiveness, trust, personal fucking growth. Yet limbo has got to be the worst.

thanks for listening....


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4675 | Registered: Dec 2010
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs honey. It's hard.

Could be the plain of lethal flatness.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6347 | Registered: Jan 2011
swizzlestick03
♀ Member
Member # 30102
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One day at a time.

Remember, I'm sure he likely struggles with the same thoughts at times too, which makes the situation doubly complicated.

FWIW, we did Retrouvaille 3 years ago in January. It was the best thing we did.


Me: BW-32
Him: WS-31
D-Day #1: 16 August 2010
D-Day #2: 16 January 2011
One small kiddo.

Posts: 558 | Registered: Nov 2010
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently, what's your rush?

You're tired. To me, that means you need to rest. If you had a deadline, maybe you'd have to push on through, but in all probability you've got decades of life left. Resting now may actually speed up your recovery and R.

Let yourself be, rache. Take it easy and breathe for a while.

[This message edited by sisoon at 6:47 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]


fBH (me) - 70, fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9909 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^ what sisoon said x10.

Give yourself a break. It's ok to not jump right now. Don't push yourself off a ledge in either direction. With time you will find a ladder.


Your beliefs donít make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1109 | Registered: Jul 2011
ItsaClimb
♀ Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 3:13 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been following your posts because we seemed to be in very much the same place. Today (after a HECTIC IC session yesterday and a heart-to-heart with fWH) I seem to be bouncing back a little.

Something that helped me is the book Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. Have you read it? I wouldn't say it gave me a clear answer, but it definitely gave me food for thought and made things clearer somehow. It's not a "heavy" read, very user-friendly. Just a thought.

But also, maybe you do need a break from it all. Maybe you need to just put all the Infidelity stuff on the back-burner for a while and give your mind and emotions a break. It is soooo draining!!

{hugs}


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 929 | Registered: Oct 2012
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((HUGS)))))))

Posts: 997 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you everyone! I feel better today.

I have read that book. I may dig it out again!

I am going to IC on Friday after MC on Thursday and then maybe will take a break from IC. She is urging me to make a decision anyway.... and I need time away from that..
thank you!!


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4675 | Registered: Dec 2010
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is urging me to make a decision anyway.... and I need time away from that

I get it. If you decide to take a break, you'll be happy. And that's a decision, so your IC'll be happy, too....


fBH (me) - 70, fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9909 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 9

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